Ok let’s get this blog update started. It’s now [13] days left until my return. It’s funny I came out to find myself, and to help my relationship, and all other things. By the end of it I’m no longer in a relationship, a friendship of ten years ends in chaos [ongoing by the way] there is perhaps tension amongst me and few people so on, and so on. I know I will get quite a lot of “I told you so” Don’t worry I’ve come prepared I got my box and for each I told you so I will fold it neatly and place it in there. I honestly thought this trip was going to help me and a lot of things personally. Like I said though I never came here to “RUN” away from my problems, I came here hoping to clear my mind and soul and return in a better frame of mind to face the problems I had left behind. It’s quite daunting I feel when I left I left behind bits of rubble, some cliffs eroding here and there, two, almost three months later I come back and an entire cliff has fallen, and now it’s just an even bigger mess. You get what I’m trying to say? I might have turned the little problems into big problems.
I need to give a shout out to my boy Michael Jackson who is always there for me, looking out for me. So I posted on Facebook that I was in deep depression, on the verge of suicide due to loosing my life I.E. my IPod. And I need to explain it wasn’t so much depression because I lost my IPod and I got a couple weeks left on this island no. This was me depressed because I was thinking ahead to when I come home, that long eight hour flight. For people who know me, know that I live for music twenty four seven. I eat, sleep, drink, breathe and occasionally make sweet L.O.V.E. to the sound of music [Inserts embarrass look here] and so I was depressed deeply about how I was going to survive. You think I joke I thought crazily. Perhaps I should just extend my stay. See what thinking irrationally does to you. Like prolonging the inevitable was going to make things any better for myself. Perhaps that thought alarmed Michael and he thought “Oh no! This cannot happen. Keisha must return home soon”
And so a week later I received a phone call from a lady who I went out with last week. With her friend, my aunty and her brother, she was like “I been trying to get hold of you for a couple days” Well no she didn’t say that exact she said I been trying to call you today or something. That was my little homage to Michael. The part one of the phone conversation for those who has listened to it knows what I mean. So quick thing some phone conversations Michael had with a friend were leaked on the net and whilst on YouTube, Tubing away I came across them. The others are a little more personal and sad, but part one is pure jokes. He all exposes how his father called him on Father’s day asking for half a million. Then he did a funny imitation of his father. Then he talked about his dogs which was just the cutest thing ever, mind you he said girl, a couple of times. And you know what I am talking about right? When you hanging with your girls and you telling a story and you be all like “And girl, let me tell you” When he dropped the G word honestly my heart danced and it was like “Oh my god, I love you” Seriously just when I thought I could not fall in love with him anymore than I am, I watch something old, or new, listen to something and it’s like It’s the falling in love all over again. Ok, so had to get that off my chest, back to the story.
[Added bit: Whilst posted and reading I forget the best part of the conversation, the end. So Michael has this lady nurse friend called Cathy and something about Randy called her ... [OMG need to tell you so I was adding this bit and suddenly came time to spelling to this one word which I haven’t written in a while. So I’m all there writing it down, this way, that way and I’m thinking hold up I should know this word, so after about two minutes I thought hell no, I going Google] Prejudice [That was the word] Anyway back to story. So yeah Randy was calling her that because she talking about she will never lay down with a white man because their manhood’s just too pink and red and their veins show. The way he was explaining to his friend about the nurse lady was too much jokes. And then he killed it at the end. He all telling his friend the process of what Cathy has to do to some of these old men, talking about “ she said she has to jerk it up and twine it and stuff” And his little cute laugh between sentences just melted my heart even more, and re built it each time getting bigger and bigger for him.
After she told me what happened I was jumping for joy down the phone, and just thanking her and the person who found it. Last week I was meant to go somewhere with my aunt but a little problem and we had to turn back and come home. And so we stopped off at a café in the middle of nowhere. We got some food, and then moved on to the drinks, my favourite. My aunt’s brother brought me a small bottle of vodka and I got to have it all to myself [inserts smile here] At first he was trying to be a responsible adult “You not having no alcoholic drink you too young” I looked the man in the eye and I said “I twenty one, and I can have a drink if I want too” He cut his eye after, said I was facety, disappeared and came back with half a bottle of vodka for me. He smiled at me, I smile at him. After a while he gave me a new name [21] and I gave him a new name [Sir] it was quite jokes he was giving me jokes, talking about his life and St Vincent is fucking horrid but I love it here. Then he was chatting about how all the girl love him wherever he goes [inserts laughter here]
[Special shouts out to my mummy, operation went well and now she is just relaxing and recovering at home. Daddy looking after her, always comforting to know I got my parent’s here and their looking after one another. Sending lots of L.O.V.E. their way and my family, sister and my boys miss my boys so much and all others]
[Secondly Mr Baker yes you! You too funny boy! Loving the blog update as always, loved the mentioning of my boy Michael J. Jackson. Soon come bro, [13] days now and then months will pass and June will be here, me, you Tinkerbell and Mr Lewis. Aw for real I need to see little prince Jr. I remember actually seeing him last year for his birthday chubby cute little thing, fast forward New Year I come into my house and I see this handsome little boy I was like “Rass this little prince Jr. Grown up a piece and lost all the baby fat. He looks too cute! Yes we all link up soon, and don’t forget if you wanting to give to charity, you can donate to the Just Keisha, hand me down foundation L.O.V.E.]
[Sending love to my extended family Tinkerbell, Mama J, Hayley Boo, Tayla, Paul, Terri & Nana J, missing you all too much, and I can’t wait to see you all upon my return. After I have kicked it, and chilled at home getting familiar again, I’m coming to Kensington come kick it with you lot. L.O.V.E]
Ok I need to admit I know I said that I was withdrawing from Operation M.O.R.R.I.S. but today was the most enjoyable day ever, today I was on duty and I do not know what possessed me but I created even more B.S. and twists to the operation. Oh my god! I was giving myself so many jokes. By the way mum, dad, Morris [See how bad I carry on now? Not even calling the first name. Strictly Government] said she will be dropping of Tinkerbell’s canvas, book and House party film, as well as my £30 which the quote “clucking tramp” owed me from two thousand and fucking eight, could even be seven.
Whilst I am doing this update, I am also working on the exclusive interview part two which will feature Tinkerbell J. Jackson’s Q&A’s. I was thinking I may even branch out more take it to the Michael J. J. community and get some people’s thoughts on anyone who has encountered with Morris, etc.
I finally got my TII DVD. So very happy about that, a few people may have been piece vex with me about the way I carried on. But I’m going to drop it Black & White. When it comes to me and my boy Michael J. Jackson, please oh please do not ramp. It’s very simple. So I asked the person who was getting it for me, have you gotten it for me yet, and I kept asking repeatedly. Ok so perhaps on my part I could have said how are you? Instead of just jumping straight to the question, I realized I could have done better. But once I corrected myself and did that, the person wasn’t responsive; fair enough I left it at that.
Two, two now I got a call on Skype and surprise it was one of my friend said Hey, got the talking, etc. So then she turned the video and I see my cousin. Things bit tense still. So I don’t even know how but I think I started first by asking have you ordered my dvd? No response, and so I asked again, still nothing. So I started to raise my voice and was just like “I just want to know if you have my dvd or not!” Then I think my friend said something and I was almost about to leave and then I think they were shocked that if they did not give me a straight answer I was going to log off. The thing is I know I am going to get it one way or another but when I have been waiting for it for so long, I don’t have the patience for games, just tell me either you ordered it and it’s come, or you haven’t ordered it, to end the story my friend told me she ordered it but it hasn’t come yet/
THANK YOU! Needless to say my friend wasn’t pleased with my behaviour and told my mother [inserts giggle here] Sorry it’s just please don’t play. She tries telling my mum about my behaviour but even mummy dearest said when it comes to Michael …” I did send a thank you to my cousin who was/is still vex at me, understandable.
I’ve now decided I will be attending college proper no B.S. next year. This year is strictly the year for getting a part time job again, saving [hopefully another attempt at trying to, and I do it successfully] and just getting myself back in the gist of things and focused a little more. I know my career at last, writer and I will be looking in the mean time for short courses which I could do in my spare time which can further help me.
I saw Michael tonight he was shining brightly outside my bedroom window. Until I am re united with my life [Mrs IPod] I have found comfort in beautiful therapeutic music. The sound of waves, crickets, horns, native music and so forth, infact it is what I am listening to now as I am closing on this blog update.
Boy time to hit my bed eye lids closing on me. Thanks
- Just Keisha
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Sunday 14 March 2010
Quick Update .. literally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiH0ke5TFTM
JJ- CONTROL
hehe' someone dedicated this to me, as my anthem.
It's all about Keisha taking control hehe
You know who you are lolll, thank yu <3 <3 <3
Count down still continues I now have [15] days left until my return. Today was an enjoyable day as I attended my first cricket match. Now I am not a cricket fan, to be honest I find it boring but once I got some food in my stomach, and a horn I was definitely in the mood. I felt like a local, making pure noise in people’s ears. The West Indies won 165 runs to 160-1 by Zimbabwe.
So it seems I am finally deciding on my own accord to take a look at that WOman in the mirror and make that change. First order of business is to cut down my time on the Internet. Truthfully I know I’m an addict but since last year I have become obsessed with Facebook having to go on it every day. So I sent my last message and will try to go cold turkey. I will probably just go on to do a status update every now and then.
I told Tinkerbell operation for me I am withdrawing from. I’ve got all the evidence I wanted, and now it’s time for my closure. This operation can be gone now, and when I return me and Tinkerbell will have a chat about whether or not we want to confront M.O.R.R.I.S. perhaps I shouldn't’t even type it like that. As it’s a reference to Michael’s L.O.V.E. and she is far from his true, and genuine from the heart L.O.V.E. so we will just say Morris.
Tomorrow my mummy is going in for an operation. Mims sending lots of L.O.V.E. your way, for a successful operation, daddy for real, look after Mims.
Like I spoke about in my status it looks like a very personal defining year for me. With the last eight months and now it’s lead to me to this point in my life. I said I was going to explain about Michael’s personal message but perhaps in another blog update as I will need enough sleep, and plenty concentration as it’s quite deep and long.
So my schedule is pretty busy for the next couple of months. Upon my return home it’s of course settling back in that first week, becoming familiar again. Of course most definitely after my first day back to the gym. The diet has been good out here, now the real work to get back to my size eight begins when I return. Mum said if I get a job, or find a course I like for my twenty second birthday I can have my first Michael Jackson outfit. And for me personally I want to look MICHAELICIOUS when I put on that outfit. So that is my new motivation in losing some weight. Of course as well I will be helping out more around the house, cooking, cleaning. It will definitely take time but I will get there Mims :-)
Yes starting from tomorrow I will be job hunting, and looking at courses. It’s about making that change now. I already explained to my mum that I will be looking at options now. I am twenty one. Time to get my name on the list, and see what offers come my way. I feel comfort is what is holding me back, knowing that people are there for me. So I feel like I don’t have to do anything. But much too popular belief I don’t like being a drifter [and that was given to me by my aunty pat whilst she was here for ten days]
So in my own time, and I will do it, because I want to. I will look upon PART TIME work, and options for courses.
After my first week back I am off to my sister’s for the week or two to babysit my boys Tre’ and Taylor. I miss all my boys, but Taylor I miss the most. I have been keeping in touch with Tre and Taylor through Skype. I can’t wait to get back to them.
Then after that, well see the thing is I am hoping that April is the month I can just sort out things, whilst keeping on track, job hunting, courses, etc but just have April to settle in. After my sister’s I am off to my girl’s house Tinkerbell for a week, or two. Though we have been keeping in touch through the net, it is not the same. In the last blog I am sure I mentioned we both decided to be friends, but upon my return I am off to spend some quality time with her as we both want to sit down and really talk. Whether we want to try again, or just remain real good friends. At the moment she doing her own little part time, and will soon be doing a voluntary thing for some magazine. Lucky Btch loll
Oh yes shout out to my bro Black Prince. Who is recovering from being ill by Prince Jr. My bro will be down in June spend some time with his Lnt Keke and his sister in Law Tinkerbell Jackson hehe <3 it.
This is quite different from my other blogs; normally I take forever in doing a blog update but I guess I can call this my twitter blog. You know it’s quick and straight forward. An outline of what I hope to do upon my return, this and that, that and this.
Though I hate to admit it I am twenty one. I will not say the A word because I do despise it, but I am grown up and I have to make grown up decisions and thanks to a special someone in my life they know who they are, I can suddenly see a future again. It’s not quite as visible and concrete prior to eight months ago but it is there again.
So thanks for reading, quick update to which I am sure some are thankful for loll. Forever with Michael on my mind, and in my heart permanently, and the people I truly L.O.V.E. you know who you are, watch as I, in my own time eventually get back up on my feet, and do what I want to do, for me, for you, for Michael and the entire human race.
kjet
JJ- CONTROL
hehe' someone dedicated this to me, as my anthem.
It's all about Keisha taking control hehe
You know who you are lolll, thank yu <3 <3 <3
Count down still continues I now have [15] days left until my return. Today was an enjoyable day as I attended my first cricket match. Now I am not a cricket fan, to be honest I find it boring but once I got some food in my stomach, and a horn I was definitely in the mood. I felt like a local, making pure noise in people’s ears. The West Indies won 165 runs to 160-1 by Zimbabwe.
So it seems I am finally deciding on my own accord to take a look at that WOman in the mirror and make that change. First order of business is to cut down my time on the Internet. Truthfully I know I’m an addict but since last year I have become obsessed with Facebook having to go on it every day. So I sent my last message and will try to go cold turkey. I will probably just go on to do a status update every now and then.
I told Tinkerbell operation for me I am withdrawing from. I’ve got all the evidence I wanted, and now it’s time for my closure. This operation can be gone now, and when I return me and Tinkerbell will have a chat about whether or not we want to confront M.O.R.R.I.S. perhaps I shouldn't’t even type it like that. As it’s a reference to Michael’s L.O.V.E. and she is far from his true, and genuine from the heart L.O.V.E. so we will just say Morris.
Tomorrow my mummy is going in for an operation. Mims sending lots of L.O.V.E. your way, for a successful operation, daddy for real, look after Mims.
Like I spoke about in my status it looks like a very personal defining year for me. With the last eight months and now it’s lead to me to this point in my life. I said I was going to explain about Michael’s personal message but perhaps in another blog update as I will need enough sleep, and plenty concentration as it’s quite deep and long.
So my schedule is pretty busy for the next couple of months. Upon my return home it’s of course settling back in that first week, becoming familiar again. Of course most definitely after my first day back to the gym. The diet has been good out here, now the real work to get back to my size eight begins when I return. Mum said if I get a job, or find a course I like for my twenty second birthday I can have my first Michael Jackson outfit. And for me personally I want to look MICHAELICIOUS when I put on that outfit. So that is my new motivation in losing some weight. Of course as well I will be helping out more around the house, cooking, cleaning. It will definitely take time but I will get there Mims :-)
Yes starting from tomorrow I will be job hunting, and looking at courses. It’s about making that change now. I already explained to my mum that I will be looking at options now. I am twenty one. Time to get my name on the list, and see what offers come my way. I feel comfort is what is holding me back, knowing that people are there for me. So I feel like I don’t have to do anything. But much too popular belief I don’t like being a drifter [and that was given to me by my aunty pat whilst she was here for ten days]
So in my own time, and I will do it, because I want to. I will look upon PART TIME work, and options for courses.
After my first week back I am off to my sister’s for the week or two to babysit my boys Tre’ and Taylor. I miss all my boys, but Taylor I miss the most. I have been keeping in touch with Tre and Taylor through Skype. I can’t wait to get back to them.
Then after that, well see the thing is I am hoping that April is the month I can just sort out things, whilst keeping on track, job hunting, courses, etc but just have April to settle in. After my sister’s I am off to my girl’s house Tinkerbell for a week, or two. Though we have been keeping in touch through the net, it is not the same. In the last blog I am sure I mentioned we both decided to be friends, but upon my return I am off to spend some quality time with her as we both want to sit down and really talk. Whether we want to try again, or just remain real good friends. At the moment she doing her own little part time, and will soon be doing a voluntary thing for some magazine. Lucky Btch loll
Oh yes shout out to my bro Black Prince. Who is recovering from being ill by Prince Jr. My bro will be down in June spend some time with his Lnt Keke and his sister in Law Tinkerbell Jackson hehe <3 it.
This is quite different from my other blogs; normally I take forever in doing a blog update but I guess I can call this my twitter blog. You know it’s quick and straight forward. An outline of what I hope to do upon my return, this and that, that and this.
Though I hate to admit it I am twenty one. I will not say the A word because I do despise it, but I am grown up and I have to make grown up decisions and thanks to a special someone in my life they know who they are, I can suddenly see a future again. It’s not quite as visible and concrete prior to eight months ago but it is there again.
So thanks for reading, quick update to which I am sure some are thankful for loll. Forever with Michael on my mind, and in my heart permanently, and the people I truly L.O.V.E. you know who you are, watch as I, in my own time eventually get back up on my feet, and do what I want to do, for me, for you, for Michael and the entire human race.
kjet
Saturday 6 March 2010
[23 days left ...]
Twenty five days left. And what do I have to show for this experience? Today is a hard day. Today marks one year since Michael’s press conference at the 02. Has it really been a year already? Time sure does fly, unfortunately for me whilst a majority of the world has found a way to move with time I am still stuck in two thousand and nine. I am still waiting for July thirteenth, sixteenth and twenty second so I can get to fulfil one of my dreams, seeing the KING live. I am still waiting for the day when he, or someone from his camp makes a global announcement Michael is still here.
What did I come out here for? It was to get back on track with my diet and exercise, have some ME time to just deal with the last eight months and find a way to get back up on my feet. To be honest I set my expectations too high and I am sure for a lot of you, you probably expected too much as well. When I come back I will not be a changed person as such. If anything this trip has made me face what happened in June, and now suddenly I find myself re-acquainted with my feelings more and more. You remember when I would frequently air my fears about not being able to feel and that I am scared case I stay like this forever?
I guess right now it is still split down the middle. Whilst I am aware that I will not be an alcoholic and have to depend on alcohol to feel, I do realize that apart of me has gone. It went June twenty fifth and to be honest I really don’t see it coming back, unless one miracle occurs during the remainder of my lifetime. A girl came into my life eight months ago and thanks to her I regained feeling. From being in a relationship I had to go through a lot of emotions, happy, sad, angry, upset and then emotions, feelings which I never knew existed I experienced. So I do thank her a great deal as being in a relationship opened me up, and then coming out here I was exposed fully.
I had not been to church in over nine to ten months and I remember the first week I was out here I went. Honestly could I have had more of a reality check than that? I put on my Michael necklaces which were gifts to me from my partner, my Michael top and I rolled to church representing Michael Jackson. My grandma wasn’t best pleased and perhaps the people in the church weren’t either, but I didn’t really care. I mean as long as I dress respectfully should be no problem.
And I don’t know about anyone else but every time I go church 9/10 times guarantee that what occurred in the past week of my life comes up in church. Like I remember last year March/April I was going through some drama with my brother and in church the pastor was talking about being able to let go, and love, open lines of communications whether it be a best friend, family member or your partner. Fast forward eight months later I’m in Saint Vincent in church and every passage, every hymn was about Jesus being crucified and that he died for our sins, and that people judged him unfairly, and this and that.
One of my problems is that to anyone, family, friend, or whoever... is that I don’t truly open up and say what I really feel. Like I will tell you something and it’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. I have a problem with opening up fully to a lot of people. Take for instance excluding the last eight months only a few selection of people truly knew how deep my love for him was, and still is.
I have always looked upon Michael as more than an entertainer, to me he is one of my best friends. I also look upon him as this special being, in the same light as God and his son. I’m sure a lot of people will be up in arms about it. But this is apart of me making that change, looking at the man in the mirror and showing people the real me. Michael Jackson, was, is, and will always remain a big part of my life and nothing will ever change that.
So yes! As I was saying I spoke to my mother that day and my partner and I told them how church was very emotional for me. It was like everything I was avoiding suddenly came to the forefront of my mind and the reality of last summer sunk in a little, and every time we would sing when it came to God, or Jesus Christ I changed the words to Michael Jackson. It was so difficult my eyes welled up. I did a damn good job at holding it in though. I looked to my surroundings joyful faces, singing loud and proudly, then to me clutching my Michael necklaces, whispering the words to the songs and almost on the verge of crying.
The next night it was like De Ja Vu all over again. The god honest truth never have I been, or at least can recall, tested emotionally to my limit than these past eight months. A little break in what I am talking about.
I am sure a lot have also been disappointed I haven’t kept up with the updates. To be honest I haven’t been in the mood and two since my last one where I broke the silence on a former friend, which drained me completely. Just the thought of her is draining. At the moment I’m kind of going through a rebirth. Out here I’ve stripped myself of everything that I thought I was and I want to start new. It’s going to take a long time but eventually I do want to emerge as a new person. At the moment I have a friend who is giving me an earful, telling me about myself [I laugh now, but when under their tongue lashing its quite brutal. They say they do it out of love though, so I guess it’s ok to a certain extent. But perhaps a little easy on the rinsing me out. But I love and care for them dearly and friendships is all about being there for one another, and being able to be real with them and tell them things they may not like to hear so thank you]
[Currently the internet is down and I am going I.N.S.A.N.E. I have a problem I am a net junkie. It is something I hope to get help with. I also have another problem, well to you all it may be a problem to me it’s not. I have Michael Jackson obsessive Disorder. I’m actually quite proud to be diagnosed with that, and it is certainly something which I WILL NOT get help for. L.O.V.E. man, L.O.V.E]
I’ve ventured off on a few topics that I can’t remember the point of this blog update [inserts giggle here] It’s actually been a couple of days now since I started my blog. See that is my problem I start, and then I stop. And then I stop completely to the point where it’s unfinished or those rare occasions if I find that re motivation I finish.
Currently is it 11.40pm I look out the window and there is my boy Michael shining down on me. Many blessings man. Yesterday morning I woke up in the most beautiful of moods I had the most amazing dream and of course had to put it as my status. I dreamed about Michael, aw it was too cute. Like it was round about the Thriller days and I was at the Encino house and Michael, his brothers and sisters were playing some games. I woke up, and that dream set me up for the day as I was in a real good mood through-out. I re discovered my love for Techno & Trance music. Been listening to both genres and Michael Jackson all day long, to be honest I have left it so long I honestly can’t remember the point of this blog.
Little updates.
A couple of weeks ago I broke up from my girlfriend [inserts sad face] I will not get into great detail but I will say at the time for both of us perhaps it wasn’t the right time to be making such a commitment. At this moment we are working towards remaining good friends and who knows for the future.
Now its twenty three days left and then I return home. I am telling you some changes will be going on when I return. I hope to change for the better, for myself and for the people around me. I hope to gain more control on my life. I do realize I am an adult now [that pains me to say hehe] And as an adult I am responsible for myself, should be able to make decisions for myself whether right or wrong and be able to learn from them and grow. I’ve got quite a few things to sort out, job, money, my relationship amongst others. I definitely hope by September I would have a part time job, and go college, or a semi full time but not quite full time job. I’m sorry Keisha just can’t seem to do full time, and so Keisha will try very hard to find a perfect part time.
So I ask my people just bare with me as Keisha does Keisha, you know I take forever but sometimes 7/10 I do get there in the end.
[There is a next blog update, which I’ve been working on for ever; it may make an appearance soon]
What did I come out here for? It was to get back on track with my diet and exercise, have some ME time to just deal with the last eight months and find a way to get back up on my feet. To be honest I set my expectations too high and I am sure for a lot of you, you probably expected too much as well. When I come back I will not be a changed person as such. If anything this trip has made me face what happened in June, and now suddenly I find myself re-acquainted with my feelings more and more. You remember when I would frequently air my fears about not being able to feel and that I am scared case I stay like this forever?
I guess right now it is still split down the middle. Whilst I am aware that I will not be an alcoholic and have to depend on alcohol to feel, I do realize that apart of me has gone. It went June twenty fifth and to be honest I really don’t see it coming back, unless one miracle occurs during the remainder of my lifetime. A girl came into my life eight months ago and thanks to her I regained feeling. From being in a relationship I had to go through a lot of emotions, happy, sad, angry, upset and then emotions, feelings which I never knew existed I experienced. So I do thank her a great deal as being in a relationship opened me up, and then coming out here I was exposed fully.
I had not been to church in over nine to ten months and I remember the first week I was out here I went. Honestly could I have had more of a reality check than that? I put on my Michael necklaces which were gifts to me from my partner, my Michael top and I rolled to church representing Michael Jackson. My grandma wasn’t best pleased and perhaps the people in the church weren’t either, but I didn’t really care. I mean as long as I dress respectfully should be no problem.
And I don’t know about anyone else but every time I go church 9/10 times guarantee that what occurred in the past week of my life comes up in church. Like I remember last year March/April I was going through some drama with my brother and in church the pastor was talking about being able to let go, and love, open lines of communications whether it be a best friend, family member or your partner. Fast forward eight months later I’m in Saint Vincent in church and every passage, every hymn was about Jesus being crucified and that he died for our sins, and that people judged him unfairly, and this and that.
One of my problems is that to anyone, family, friend, or whoever... is that I don’t truly open up and say what I really feel. Like I will tell you something and it’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. I have a problem with opening up fully to a lot of people. Take for instance excluding the last eight months only a few selection of people truly knew how deep my love for him was, and still is.
I have always looked upon Michael as more than an entertainer, to me he is one of my best friends. I also look upon him as this special being, in the same light as God and his son. I’m sure a lot of people will be up in arms about it. But this is apart of me making that change, looking at the man in the mirror and showing people the real me. Michael Jackson, was, is, and will always remain a big part of my life and nothing will ever change that.
So yes! As I was saying I spoke to my mother that day and my partner and I told them how church was very emotional for me. It was like everything I was avoiding suddenly came to the forefront of my mind and the reality of last summer sunk in a little, and every time we would sing when it came to God, or Jesus Christ I changed the words to Michael Jackson. It was so difficult my eyes welled up. I did a damn good job at holding it in though. I looked to my surroundings joyful faces, singing loud and proudly, then to me clutching my Michael necklaces, whispering the words to the songs and almost on the verge of crying.
The next night it was like De Ja Vu all over again. The god honest truth never have I been, or at least can recall, tested emotionally to my limit than these past eight months. A little break in what I am talking about.
I am sure a lot have also been disappointed I haven’t kept up with the updates. To be honest I haven’t been in the mood and two since my last one where I broke the silence on a former friend, which drained me completely. Just the thought of her is draining. At the moment I’m kind of going through a rebirth. Out here I’ve stripped myself of everything that I thought I was and I want to start new. It’s going to take a long time but eventually I do want to emerge as a new person. At the moment I have a friend who is giving me an earful, telling me about myself [I laugh now, but when under their tongue lashing its quite brutal. They say they do it out of love though, so I guess it’s ok to a certain extent. But perhaps a little easy on the rinsing me out. But I love and care for them dearly and friendships is all about being there for one another, and being able to be real with them and tell them things they may not like to hear so thank you]
[Currently the internet is down and I am going I.N.S.A.N.E. I have a problem I am a net junkie. It is something I hope to get help with. I also have another problem, well to you all it may be a problem to me it’s not. I have Michael Jackson obsessive Disorder. I’m actually quite proud to be diagnosed with that, and it is certainly something which I WILL NOT get help for. L.O.V.E. man, L.O.V.E]
I’ve ventured off on a few topics that I can’t remember the point of this blog update [inserts giggle here] It’s actually been a couple of days now since I started my blog. See that is my problem I start, and then I stop. And then I stop completely to the point where it’s unfinished or those rare occasions if I find that re motivation I finish.
Currently is it 11.40pm I look out the window and there is my boy Michael shining down on me. Many blessings man. Yesterday morning I woke up in the most beautiful of moods I had the most amazing dream and of course had to put it as my status. I dreamed about Michael, aw it was too cute. Like it was round about the Thriller days and I was at the Encino house and Michael, his brothers and sisters were playing some games. I woke up, and that dream set me up for the day as I was in a real good mood through-out. I re discovered my love for Techno & Trance music. Been listening to both genres and Michael Jackson all day long, to be honest I have left it so long I honestly can’t remember the point of this blog.
Little updates.
A couple of weeks ago I broke up from my girlfriend [inserts sad face] I will not get into great detail but I will say at the time for both of us perhaps it wasn’t the right time to be making such a commitment. At this moment we are working towards remaining good friends and who knows for the future.
Now its twenty three days left and then I return home. I am telling you some changes will be going on when I return. I hope to change for the better, for myself and for the people around me. I hope to gain more control on my life. I do realize I am an adult now [that pains me to say hehe] And as an adult I am responsible for myself, should be able to make decisions for myself whether right or wrong and be able to learn from them and grow. I’ve got quite a few things to sort out, job, money, my relationship amongst others. I definitely hope by September I would have a part time job, and go college, or a semi full time but not quite full time job. I’m sorry Keisha just can’t seem to do full time, and so Keisha will try very hard to find a perfect part time.
So I ask my people just bare with me as Keisha does Keisha, you know I take forever but sometimes 7/10 I do get there in the end.
[There is a next blog update, which I’ve been working on for ever; it may make an appearance soon]
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