Note from the author: What I love so much about creativity is that there are no limitations. And with me and my dreamy state of mind it makes for the perfect couple. So instead of just taking a real life situation and giving it to you black and white, I am going to present it to you in colour, and paint pretty pictures and just, well, let my creative vision flow.
NEWS EXCLUSIVE
KEISHA SPEAKS OUT
“TEN YEARS OF B.S, NOW I WALK FREE”
A small group from LA Times have flown in to London, England to get the world exclusive from Keisha Jackson Ellis-Taylor on the breakdown of a friendship and life. They flew in this morning and are now heading to South Kensington. Keisha at aged twenty one lives with her girlfriend Tinkerbell twenty three. Since we last saw her she finally published her first book titled “You are not alone” which became a number one best seller in four different countries. Keisha just finished her tour of America and is now back at home working on her second book. Her partner is CEO of the official and largest Michael Jackson store which is based in LA. Since its opening in two thousand and five, it has gone on to make debuts in countries over the globe, a total of one hundred and fifty stores worldwide. After touching down in Heathrow airport a carrier awaited the crew and within an hour they arrived at The Jackson Ellis-Taylor household after ten am. Located in south Kensington their home a six bed, two reception, large kitchen diner with the most amazing view from their master bedroom.
They pull up and within minutes the gates open up for them to drive through. They parked just outside the front door. And there with baby Coco Puff in her arms is Keisha with shoulder length curls, wearing a tank top with combat shorts and slippers, the baby dressed the same. After introductions and a tour of the home, they all went into the backyard. The crew set up and the interview began.
[Continued ...]
Rp1: We will get to the other topics but one big topic is the fallout between you and a friend of ten years, what happened?
Keisha: Shamiya and I had been friends for close to ten years. It was through a mutual love for Michael where we came together. And how you say the rest is history.
Rp1: In an interview with her she said you two had also went to the same primary and secondary school?
Keisha: Yes that is correct we did go to the same schools but our paths never crossed until secondary school. And from there it just grew day by day.
Rp1: Explain the school days, what was it like?
Keisha: Honestly some of the best days of my life. Like it was literally me, Shamiya and Michael [laughs] everyone knew she and I as the Michael fanatics, but more so her because she would dress like him, act like him, sing and dance. I was more so on the quieter side. We had a few lessons together. I.T. was one of them. You can bet every lesson it was all things Michael Jackson.
Rp1: So this relationship between you and her was really special?
Keisha: It was. I had some amazing times. She and I went to events, launch parties here and there. I remember we would be there day in and day out dreaming, fantasizing about the day we would both meet him, and through time get to know him and eventually live with him hehe. It was a fantasy world we was truly living in but meeting Michael, becoming friends and then living with him didn’t seem to impossible you know.
Rp1: Is it true that your parents bit their tongue every time she came around?
Keisha: [laughs] yes. And to be honest after a certain amount of time I did too. My parents especially my father had a strong dislike towards her. Always calling her “crazy friend or long belly friend” [giggles]
Rp1: Long belly?
Keisha: So let me explain that. Whenever she would come to my house, ten times out of ten within the first five minutes she would always ball that she hungry. And at first I didn’t mind getting her food, but when she came over a lot and was always asking for food it got a little annoying. She could no longer help herself. I had to go down and get food for her. My parent’s were not best pleased always telling me off for her always coming to my house with an empty stomach. My dad would always say “She just come from home! Rass, always come to my yard hungry. So what she nahr eat when she dey home?”
Rp1: When you would go to hers, were you the same?
Keisha: Hell no! You honestly think I could go to a friend’s yard twenty four seven and eat them out of fridge and freezer? And besides if I am to be honest. She hardly offered me food. And I never asked her, I don’t know why. Probably because I saw how she was round mine didn’t want her mum to get the same impression. I was always amazed at how she would come to mine, and ask for food left, right and centre. Yet I go to hers and one, I didn’t ask, but two she hardly offered. The most she would ask to get me is a drink. And what made it worst is that she would have me sitting there and she would come in with her own food yam in front of me whilst I there hungry. I soon realized that I would have to come with a full belly when I go to hers hehe.
Rp1: Wow. I couldn’t imagine having a friend over and just not offering them anything. Are you serious?
Keisha: I am being very serious. I mean I can count on one hand, maybe two doubt it though, the amount of times she has offered me food whilst at her house. For me now, well I lost count [laughs]
Rp1: Tell us what your dad would sometimes do when she was over?
Keisha: Oh man! Ok so I had my own computer in my bedroom, and whenever she would come round she would literally sit on my computer until gone midnight most of the time. And my dad would get so peed off he would lock off the net. And I remember the first time he did it, I went to him and was like “dad the net is off” He looked at me and smiled, his words “I know, I lock it off” I couldn’t help but laugh at what he did; I mean was it really that bad then? Ha-ha it was crazy because I had to tell her a little lie, the internet has gone down. I mean it’s like my boy MJ who had twist the truth a little about how he didn’t like touring but they wanted him to make it positive. So this is my Michael moment. [Looks to the camera] The internet had gone down, but you know the truth [smiles]
Rp1: So from the sound of it and speaking to a few others they had their reservations about her long before. What was the difference now?
Keisha: A lot of people had their reservations about her. In particular one of my best friend Leahana, before Shamiya and I became friends she was friends with her. One time she slept over Leahana’s house and after the way she carried on; eat her out of home Leahana just went her separate way with her. Through school she was trying to tell me of her ways but I just dismissed them.
It all started to change after June. And it was like, I don’t know about her, but for me I felt the relationship change because suddenly what was the focal point between us being Michael, it no longer was. So the phone calls cut down, or the amount of time we spent on the phone shortened. We weren’t around one another’s house as much. And I was beginning to see that take away MJ and we didn’t really have much more in common. Through the last seven months we’ve been attending vigils and we have both met some amazing people who I consider an extension to my family now.
One person in particular her name is Tinkerbell. She saw me at an event; a few days later she added me on Facebook and then from there we began to talk and talk and talk. It was so easy to talk to her and we jut became best friends and then eventually girlfriends. I think after a month I introduced her to Shamiya and they hit it off. Just like Tinkerbell and I, she and Shamiya connected and it soon became a close knit group of people because through more connections we befriended this girl called Michelle, and Tinkerbell’s sister Sherry.
Rp1: Speaking of Michelle. She and Shamiya were really close. You always saw them at events and then something happened and the friendship was tarnished.
Keisha: Yeah they were so close, they became inseparable at times. It was our very own Janet and Michael. We were at Tinkerbell’s mum’s house and Michelle made the announcement that Sky1 are planning to do a show where they will try and get in contact with MJ’s spirit. Long story short she said we will each receive a phone call over the next week or so. In the end it was only Michelle who went onto do it with others. I remember it was me, Tinkerbell and Shamiya at Jenny’s [Tinkerbell’s mum] house and we watched it. And afterwards it was like we were in a state of two minds. We felt that the questions asked wasn’t enough and we got frustrated talking about if we was on there, blah, blah. And it wasn’t until Michelle told us there were a few legal issues and that they couldn’t ask certain questions. So anyway that was done, and of course we sent love and support to Michelle whether it was the same day, or a day or two after.
We was all at Tinkerbell’s flat on a high of MJ love, and madness when I received a message from Michelle I can’t remember if it was by phone or mail. I think it was by mail, and it threw us off completely. Because Michelle was bad mouthing Shamiya, and we couldn’t for the life of us figure out why. Now Michelle has a mouth on her, just like with those gay men. Piss them off and they will tear you up, well Michelle let loose calling her a Bitch, ignorant, selfish and was just really being horrible towards her. When we called her up she explained it was because all her other friends wrote to her, or called showing support but what does she go and do, rant about if I was there, or bad mouth the show and stuff. You are probably confused, but it was when either Michelle called us earlier Saturday morning, or it was us who called her. She and Shamiya spoke for ages and I guess as the day wore on Michelle didn’t like the way she spoke.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Tinkerbell and I were very confused and couldn’t believe that she would say all these things about her. We had to console her because she was an emotional wreck. I don’t think she slept. Next morning I think we all went round to Jenny’s house and explained what happened. Blah, blah, it must have taken a week for us to persuade Shamiya to contact Michelle. No matter how much we talked to Michelle she was set in her ways. Wow! if I could only tell you how deep she got, she literally rinsed Shamiya out. So finally she called her on her own time and they both sorted it out. But I don’t think it was ever the same again.
Rp1: Would you say the way she is today, is partly your fault?
Keisha: Yes, because I made her head even bigger than it is and her ego too. She would always say she is my Michael and I am her Liz Taylor, or that if she went from my life that would be the end, I wouldn’t survive. I need her in my life. She not only said it to me throughout the years but others too. And I guess like a fool, or shall we say puppet. It’s one of those things you hear something over and over and over and over you believe it.
Rp1: What happened between Tinkerbell’s family and her?
Keisha: So throughout these last six months it has been very difficult, and Tinkerbell’s mum Jenny, along with the rest of the family have been very supportive towards Shamiya and I. It was literally that we became apart of the family and like a mother would do, feed us, buy things for us, etc. And so it was around Christmas time and Shamiya was all talk about how she got a job which is paying her a lot of money and that she had all these presents she was going to buy for us. Now for me I was on JSA and couldn’t afford much but the main priority was making sure I got a present for my mum, my boys and Jenny. It came to Christmas I went over to Jenny’s house and was showered with all these wonderful gifts. Of course I showed my appreciation I thanked everyone who brought me gifts, etc.
That was that, a week later I received a message from Tinkerbell telling me how her mum is upset with how Shamiya is behaving. And not just the mother, all of them including Tinkerbell. This was a great shock to me, because I thought everything was fine.
Rp1: So what was everyone upset about?
Keisha: The same thing my parent’s complained about. Coming over and not leaving at appropriate times. She was eating a lot of their food whenever she would stay. I heard that she would ask Jenny to make her cups of tea as if Jenny is her servant or something. She talked about having a job and buying everyone presents but come the day she came empty handed, and still to this day she hasn’t given them anything. I mean I understand you can vocally express love to people, but sometimes you can show your love and appreciation in the form of gifts too. I just think it’s out of order for her to not even buy Jenny, TJ (Tinkerbell’s brother) and Tinkerbell a present after they brought her things and was there for her the most during these months.
Not only was she doing that but she was also taking the piss when she would ask Jenny who lives all the way in Kensington to come and pick her up from Lewisham. At first she got on the trains just like I, and went up to Jenny’s. Then all of a sudden just because she got a job now her ass is to royal for public transport. She starts to ask Tinkerbell’s mum if she could come pick her up and drop her back home. And it wasn’t like they lived near one another and it wasn’t like she was offering money for petrol neither. After a while she gets to cosy and suddenly expects this, expects that from people.
Rp1: OMG, not even petrol money and that is quite a journey to and from.
Keisha: Exactly. And so because I was her friend I thought I would write her a letter explaining her actions and how it upset everyone. Now this is where her ignorance came in. Instead of acknowledging and really reading the letter, she goes off on one and is like “oh no one loves me no more; I’m heartbroken,” blah, blah. And the thing is she would was still ignorant to what we were all trying to tell her. She was apologizing and when I asked her to explain why she was, she couldn’t give me a straight answer. And then it was like she was saying I’ve forgiven them. [Stares] For what? I thought it was suppose to be the other way round. And no matter how many times we tried to tell her, she just wasn’t getting it.
Rp1: What happened in the end?
Keisha: Well I tried to defuse the situation which was really starting to escalate. Tried to resolve this online a couple times but it just got nowhere. In fact it seemed to have made the situation worse.
Rp1: So with all this going on, there was more fire added with the ticket, lottery ticket?
Keisha: Yes. Ok so we were all round Jenny’s house when she told us someone brought her a ticket and she won a million pound. Of course at the time we didn’t have any reason not to believe her. We was all excited and thought that finally some of our dreams which she, Tinkerbell and I had dreamed of would finally come true. Here the story now. So she spoke to Jenny and from that she decided to not spend the million, put it in the bank and let it grow. When I spoke to Jenny she said that she told Shamiya that she should not be careless with it and just spend it all in go.
Rp1: I’m not quite getting it grow, and then do what?
Keisha: Buy Neverland
Rp1: Buy Neverland? What, is she serious? That million would probably be the amount just to run it on a yearly basis.
Keisha: She told Jenny and Tinkerbell that she is going to let it grow, so she can buy Neverland which costs seventeen million.
Rp1: [laughs] Ok first off she is kidding herself. Back in the 80’s Michael purchased it for seventeen million. She is delusional if she thinks with all the work he done that it will just cost seventeen mills. She would probably have to save until she is fifty or beyond to even come remotely close to buying his home.
Keisha: Exactly. And I am sure people would say it’s her money and if you look at it probably so. But Tinkerbell and I believe that through our constant prayers to Michael, and the lord that they answered our prayer through her. Now all of a sudden the ‘dream’ has changed. Its true money can be a bad thing and change people.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Well this all happened round about the time I had went away for a few months to clear my mind and regain focus after what happened last summer and of course at the time a little of relationship tension, but during that time it seemed no matter what I said to Shamiya it wasn’t getting through. I guess because I only knew how to talk to her in fairytale lingo I would always sugar coat the truth. And so it went on and on, me and Tinkerbell trying to tell her that she can still save, but not at the expense of sitting on money and watching your family and friends struggle. She said a million isn’t enough. Laugh out loud, a million is more than having - £170 pound in your bank account which is what for the best part of a year it always read. I was also dipping into my overdraft, and Tinkerbell was always forking out money too.
I go round to my girlfriend’s house a lot. And between us though we don’t have much we usually split the cost. She will get the electricity and gas I’ll get the shopping, vice versa but we always provide for another. When ever Shamiya has come over she has not once contributed towards anything. And that use to piss me off. She would talk about having a little bit of money here and there yet she was still expecting US to pay for her.
Rp1: When did you finally decide, this is it?
Keisha: When I finally stopped believing in her web of lies. First I forgot to mention another disgusting act she has committed. Back in March when Michael announced the tour dates, ticket went on sale the following week. Now I remember the moment they told us how to get pre sale tickets my ass texted a few people telling them to sign up and I did the same. Shamiya didn’t even bother too. Her reply was “You’re doing it, so it’s cool” And I remember that day was frantic, I almost died. Long story short I panicked and lost all control and couldn’t get tickets. My sister called me up and saved the day telling me she got four tickets. I was doing a three way with my sister one line, Shamiya the other. We both cried hysterically a dream was about to come true. Later my mum was screwing because she and my aunty had wanted to go, and so they all thought that if she wanted tickets that badly why did she not sign up for the pre sale like the rest of us.
I didn’t think of that at the time but looking back now it’s true. Just like I signed up and told others she should have done the same. Anyway sorry I am going off on tangents. When there is ten years of recollection trust me you will hehe, but anyway so there was this girl called Mandy and Shamiya must have told her she can get her tickets front row for just two hundred pound. So Mandy sent her a cheque, then obviously with June happening I thought Shamiya had devised a plan with Mandy to give the money back
Rp1: What happened next?
Keisha: All now the girl is waiting for her money back. Mandy contacted my girlfriend who was in two minds about what to do, so she called me. I was totally shocked when I heard this, so I confronted Shamiya. She got pissed off with Mandy and Tinkerbell, but she had no right to because Mandy for the past several months had been trying to come up with a plan for her to give the money back and she kept coming up with excuse after excuse. It has gotten to the point now where I thought fcuk it, so I gave Mandy Shamiya’s home address and phone number to take this even further. We all tried to get through to Shamiya and to be honest if she has money I do not know why she is continuing to stall.
Rp1: Wow, when you hear this entirely one question how did you honestly think she was ever like Michael?
Keisha: I do not know to be honest. I guess when she would do some things it reminded me a lot of Michael, how she would act in situations. But then my girlfriend put it greatly she thinks that Shamiya is an actress. She plays a character to everyone. She puts on a show to disguise what she is really like. She wants people to think she’s like Michael, but that is from years of studying him. Nothing she does flows naturally like Michael. It’s all an act. And just hearing her say that it suddenly made sense. Like I would be so amazed at how she could recite every single Disney show and film word for word, expression for expression but hearing Tinkerbell say that it all makes sense. To be honest one of the many annoying things about her was when she would sit me down to watch a film but talk all the way through. Urgh it was so annoying and my girlfriend soon realized this too. God forbid she knew a film word for word it was like our very dictator.
Rp1: What was ultimately the end for you and her?
Keisha: At the time I was on vacation and I was talking to my girlfriend and Shamiya came online. She was all telling me stuff about how she was taking things and the side affects were that she forgot things. Anyway I needed to tell her the truth without sugar coating it, so Tinkerbell and I decided to switch accounts; and so she posed as me and well like watching a programme I was on hers and we was cam to cam. From the moment I said I was back, Shamiya came back swearing for no reason, going off on one. Anyway we got into it, telling her about how she is being selfish, blah blah. It got heated at times. And then finally I said I don’t believe you about the money. That must have shocked her because of course anything she’s told me in the past I’ve took her word for. I also said show me proof that you have a million in the bank. I mean honestly it’s not hard there are ATM machines you can easily go to the bank right, and print a statement, or even with your phone take a picture. Or if that is too dangerous I am sure you can go to online banking scan and send. All I am saying is as your best friend of ten years surely you can show proof right?
Rp1: But she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want too
Keisha: True. And that is very fine but I think that you can show your family and true close friends. I mean she says she won it on the lottery ticket, surely she can show some proof. I mean if that was me, but perhaps it’s just me. I would show my friend and family and of course divide it between them.
Rp1: So where do we go from here?
Keisha: We both go our separate ways. She says she is going to L.A. and live with her dad, and I am going to live my life and follow my dreams with other people.
The long interview eventually came to an end just minutes after ten. Keisha thanked the crew and off they went.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Revisiting June, for the personal journey I am on ..
Two days ago marked seven months since that day in June. As I sit at the table in my grandma’s living room I, in terms of my thoughts and feeling still feel the same as I did a couple days after what happened. I’m currently in the Caribbean islands because I felt I needed that escapism from everything and everyone to just be able to deal with this as I want to. I felt that I couldn’t be myself entirely and I had to put on this façade right from the moment I returned back home. I was in Paradise from the twentieth of June to the twenty sixth. I remember that week. I wrote about it but just to refresh the memories I will bullet point a few things.
. First time I went into Harrods they played Michael Jackson’s Remember the time
. After years and years and years I learned how to master the trains.
. My aunt informed me that more tickets for his shows were being released
. I composed myself enough to wake up early next day and purchase a July twenty second ticket, front row.
. For the first time I forgot to charge my phone
If it wasn’t for my aunt, who I call a rock star, I don’t know how I would have coped. I feel like I am a little bit more in strength to finally recall that night. I remember after it happened I tried so much to do a blog update but every time I started as soon as I got to that date everything just froze. On that date it was my brother and I at our aunt and uncle’s house. They called to tell us that for definite we are heading to Camden tonight to watch our other aunt perform.
We were there getting ready it was coming to five or six O’clock. One detail I remember clearly is my brother bringing his phone charger and for the life of me I was baffled as to why he was bringing his charger to a gig. Looking back perhaps it was a sign for me to look at my phone and see that it needed charging? [shrugs]. Uncle Alton came, picked us up and drove to Camden. We picked up aunt Laurell on the way, and soon found ourselves at the location.
After an hour or so of chatter we made our way upstairs. We waited for a little while before our aunt and uncle graced the stage ready to do their set. I finally looked at my phone and saw the battery cursing myself for forgetting to charge it, which fact. I never forgot so why did I forget this time? I recorded a few songs then my phoned died.
The clock was reading ten or eleven when we all went downstairs to the pub. My aunt ordered me a drink of vodka and lemonade. I remember I was sitting by myself just observing the crowd like I do, when all of a sudden I hear a few people start to talk.
“Have you heard the news Michael Jackson has...” Of course I immediately brushed it off as a rumour. I continued to sip on my drink but around me phones were going off. It was the guy at the bar who was our minute by minute updater. One minute it’s true, one minute it’s not. At this point something was beginning to happen inside of me. Though I was verbally saying it was a rumour, in my mind doubt, worry, concern started to creep in. And then I think at that point that was when I no longer was present. I became nervous, anxious, butterflies erupted in my stomach and suddenly my appetite to finish the drink went.
Out of nowhere my aunt Laurell came in to comfort me, and again I was still in two minds. They started to play Michael and I got happy. Little did I know it was because of the news. At this point I can’t remember too much but if memory serves me correctly at first I was just in a state of numbness. I felt like I was having an outer body experience. It soon got to the point where all I heard was voices and I needed to find out the truth. I felt like I was on a deserted island. My phone was dead so I couldn’t dial or receive calls. I didn’t know numbers off by heart so I couldn’t phone anyone. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time because if I was I would have just dialled my home number from my aunt’s mobile. I was pretty much frantic at this point but it was all in my head. I finally was able to reach my mum, and I just needed to know. When she told me, how I could even begin to explain to the full extent but it was like the tsunami, 9/11 all the horrible disasters rolled into one. I could no longer stomach anymore so I gave it to my aunt, and just ran outside.
I was walking, just walking as the tears fell. My aunt eventually caught up with me and I just crumbled like an aging cliff into her arms. At that point I felt like a little child again. You know when you reach that age and you ask why? All the time, yeah I just kept asking why, but how, and that I didn’t understand.
Also what heightened my emotions was that I have a friend who loves Michael too. I was so petrified that she was trying to get hold of me, and perhaps through failing to reach me she did something to herself. All throughout the car ride home I was listening to hold my hand and other Michael songs. They stopped off for food but food was the furthest from my mind. Whilst the boys was in the shop it gave me and my aunt some alone time as she comforted me again. She said as soon as we get in I can charge my phone and call my friend.
That journey home felt like it was never ending, but the more we approached our destination the more I was feeling scared. We didn’t put on the radio, it was like we was cut off from the real world and for those few hours I convinced myself that it was a just a rumour, or perhaps because my mum told me he was in a coma that he pulled through.
We got inside, and I immediately charged my phone. The amount of text that came through was incredible. Throughout all of this I thought that I didn’t show to people how much I love Michael, and how big of a fan I am but seeing texts from everyone in my life, however old or new just reassures me that though I wasn’t as vocal about it, people knew.
This part shocked me beyond words. So I finally ring my friend and she answers me, but the way she answered me it was as if she was oblivious to the news. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m aware that perhaps some people had gone to bed and would not have heard about it till morning but with so many connections she had to other fans I was deeply surprised that she, who I use to claim as Mrs Jackson didn’t know.
At that point I felt like a police officer having to contact a relative, or someone about their love one. It was up there in the hardest things I ever had to do. I still hadn’t turned on the news, radio, or gone on the laptop yet so my friend and I spoke for a while and we was both convincing one another that it was either a rumour, or that he pulled through. I don’t know what possessed me but it was coming to the end of our call, and I finally logged on. There on every news page in bold letters was the headline I never thought in my lifetime I would read, or hear.
Though my aunt was there for me I felt like I was alone. It was a Friday morning and they had to go to bed because they had work. My brother well he in his own world and I couldn’t really bother him. It was the loneliest time. I remember finally going onto Facebook and seeing everyone’s status. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At that point I think that is when I lost all feeling. That is when I no longer living but existing. During the morning I was talking to people, and then one of my friends’s called me to comfort me, because she knew what I was going through because her mother had passed away.
I honestly couldn’t sleep. I felt sick, all the time I was laying down it was like this pain in the centre of my stomach. Like hearing bad news you’re anxious, and crazy things erupt inside you and it’s a sickening feeling. I so badly wanted to run to my aunt and for her to hold me but I couldn’t. I wish she could have token the day off work but she couldn’t, well to be honest I wanted to ask her these questions but she already did so much for me.
If I’m honest I think I only managed a couple hours sleep before the morning greeted me. I was still in that place of an emotionless state. I think I turned on the television once and it showed his rented house and the tape around it, flowers, etc and so I turned it off. A couple more friends called me; I went up to the shop and brought a paper. To be honest I do not know why I guess I was looking for answers. I’m not a tabloid junkie, though I do admit I did use to purchase newspapers, but it was only for the back pages as I use to follow football religiously.
I just remember being in the kitchen and looking out the window watching the world go by as the questions still invade my mind. I still didn’t believe it. Though I saw everyone’s status on Facebook, the newspaper and other sources I still couldn’t stomach it, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I went upstairs and same thing I sat on the window ledge and looked out as the clouds were white, skies were light blue so clear.
I can’t even remember what happened to my brother I think my aunt came home early and took him out to get some shopping, and that was when I called my friend. It was so emotional. She was there threatening to kill herself. Long story short there was a lot of crying but I managed to talk her round.
I was meant to come home that day but I just couldn’t bear to face anyone. And for some bizarre reason I told myself I needed an extra day to come to terms with it. F-in hell, it is seven months later and I’m still trying to come to terms with June.
Of course never have I been in two minds. I do remember in the midst of it, when it was still so fresh and soon rumours flew thick and fast, theories and at times I got caught up in the windmill but I guess that was because, well I can’t really explain all I can say is I had my moment then it flew over.
One thing that was bothering me a lot was the fact that I had or felt no emotion what so ever. I’m serious I didn’t feel the tears, nor the sadness, nor just anything. I was like a blank canvas. But I understood because when I would be amongst other fans I understood what they were going through, but I just couldn’t express it myself.
I soon became dependant on alcohol during the early days. I mean I love a drink here and there anyway but when I first drank and the tears flooded, it was then that I became dependant on it. I mean to go from a being who could feel everything. To feel emotion from watching television, to seeing my nephews, to watching or listening to Michael, any little thing to then suddenly feeling nothing at all honestly scared the living shit out of me. If I wasn’t drinking everyday possibly every other day or every week, it got to a point where my mother was starting to question me on whether I have a problem.
I soon started to question too. In fact my mind played even more tricks on me and I thought “wow, I’m probably going to end up an alcoholic” I don’t know who but I think it was my aunt ‘the rock star one’ lifted me up at times when others couldn’t. Yet again she was there and knew what to do and say.
The memorial was hard. I remember with a friend at the time we brought a bottle or two and shared it between us. And the thing is I was fine, until they brought him onstage, lords have mercy I cried, cried, cried, and cried. The service was two hours I cried throughout the entire service, then I don’t know if I called my aunt, or she called me but I broke down to her. After drying the eyes and sobering up we went back to oxford circus and just jammed there until the morning. I’m sure that was the morning I came home about 4/5am in the morning if not another time.
July 13th was another hard day. Though I don’t dispute it was such a beautiful day. It should have been a beautiful day for other reasons. My dream comes true of seeing Michael live. I’m sure I was amongst the majority who just kept on looking up to the sky waiting for him to return, pop out of somewhere.
Now fast forward seven months later and to be honest I thought that by going to college it would help but it was too soon. And I felt I didn’t have the time I needed to fully crumble without voices telling me this, telling me that. I don’t need to say how much I love Michael, because I feel when I writ that story HIStory it was really me being able to express my frustrations, anger, sadness all emotions which I couldn’t express, or say.
I’m in St Vincent alone trying to find a way to go on. I don’t need people telling me this and that. I will do it in my own time, I can’t be rushed. It’s like this is such a reality check for me. Like I went around with my heads up in the sky (which to be honest I still do) thinking that the people I love were immune to the inevitable fate. When June happened it has just woken me up and I remember telling a few people. Jesus I am like this with Michael, I can only imagine what I may be like when it comes to my mum or dad, or someone else I love. My grandma brought me to church and honest truth it was emotional both times. I think it was a way spiritually of making me visit this moment, and the reality of what has happened which I have denied for so long. I have since had a few emotional moments here and there without intoxication. I watch him, or listen to him and it gets to me. Also whilst watching this is it for the fortieth time hehe my aunt told me she saw Michael in concert. Now why she go do that, do not think that though I was excited, I was jealous and then the reality hit me again, she saw him in concert, I was destined too.
Ok, wow this has taken me very long. A lot of stop and start, now that I have finally been able to revisit I hope to continue this personal journey.
. First time I went into Harrods they played Michael Jackson’s Remember the time
. After years and years and years I learned how to master the trains.
. My aunt informed me that more tickets for his shows were being released
. I composed myself enough to wake up early next day and purchase a July twenty second ticket, front row.
. For the first time I forgot to charge my phone
If it wasn’t for my aunt, who I call a rock star, I don’t know how I would have coped. I feel like I am a little bit more in strength to finally recall that night. I remember after it happened I tried so much to do a blog update but every time I started as soon as I got to that date everything just froze. On that date it was my brother and I at our aunt and uncle’s house. They called to tell us that for definite we are heading to Camden tonight to watch our other aunt perform.
We were there getting ready it was coming to five or six O’clock. One detail I remember clearly is my brother bringing his phone charger and for the life of me I was baffled as to why he was bringing his charger to a gig. Looking back perhaps it was a sign for me to look at my phone and see that it needed charging? [shrugs]. Uncle Alton came, picked us up and drove to Camden. We picked up aunt Laurell on the way, and soon found ourselves at the location.
After an hour or so of chatter we made our way upstairs. We waited for a little while before our aunt and uncle graced the stage ready to do their set. I finally looked at my phone and saw the battery cursing myself for forgetting to charge it, which fact. I never forgot so why did I forget this time? I recorded a few songs then my phoned died.
The clock was reading ten or eleven when we all went downstairs to the pub. My aunt ordered me a drink of vodka and lemonade. I remember I was sitting by myself just observing the crowd like I do, when all of a sudden I hear a few people start to talk.
“Have you heard the news Michael Jackson has...” Of course I immediately brushed it off as a rumour. I continued to sip on my drink but around me phones were going off. It was the guy at the bar who was our minute by minute updater. One minute it’s true, one minute it’s not. At this point something was beginning to happen inside of me. Though I was verbally saying it was a rumour, in my mind doubt, worry, concern started to creep in. And then I think at that point that was when I no longer was present. I became nervous, anxious, butterflies erupted in my stomach and suddenly my appetite to finish the drink went.
Out of nowhere my aunt Laurell came in to comfort me, and again I was still in two minds. They started to play Michael and I got happy. Little did I know it was because of the news. At this point I can’t remember too much but if memory serves me correctly at first I was just in a state of numbness. I felt like I was having an outer body experience. It soon got to the point where all I heard was voices and I needed to find out the truth. I felt like I was on a deserted island. My phone was dead so I couldn’t dial or receive calls. I didn’t know numbers off by heart so I couldn’t phone anyone. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time because if I was I would have just dialled my home number from my aunt’s mobile. I was pretty much frantic at this point but it was all in my head. I finally was able to reach my mum, and I just needed to know. When she told me, how I could even begin to explain to the full extent but it was like the tsunami, 9/11 all the horrible disasters rolled into one. I could no longer stomach anymore so I gave it to my aunt, and just ran outside.
I was walking, just walking as the tears fell. My aunt eventually caught up with me and I just crumbled like an aging cliff into her arms. At that point I felt like a little child again. You know when you reach that age and you ask why? All the time, yeah I just kept asking why, but how, and that I didn’t understand.
Also what heightened my emotions was that I have a friend who loves Michael too. I was so petrified that she was trying to get hold of me, and perhaps through failing to reach me she did something to herself. All throughout the car ride home I was listening to hold my hand and other Michael songs. They stopped off for food but food was the furthest from my mind. Whilst the boys was in the shop it gave me and my aunt some alone time as she comforted me again. She said as soon as we get in I can charge my phone and call my friend.
That journey home felt like it was never ending, but the more we approached our destination the more I was feeling scared. We didn’t put on the radio, it was like we was cut off from the real world and for those few hours I convinced myself that it was a just a rumour, or perhaps because my mum told me he was in a coma that he pulled through.
We got inside, and I immediately charged my phone. The amount of text that came through was incredible. Throughout all of this I thought that I didn’t show to people how much I love Michael, and how big of a fan I am but seeing texts from everyone in my life, however old or new just reassures me that though I wasn’t as vocal about it, people knew.
This part shocked me beyond words. So I finally ring my friend and she answers me, but the way she answered me it was as if she was oblivious to the news. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m aware that perhaps some people had gone to bed and would not have heard about it till morning but with so many connections she had to other fans I was deeply surprised that she, who I use to claim as Mrs Jackson didn’t know.
At that point I felt like a police officer having to contact a relative, or someone about their love one. It was up there in the hardest things I ever had to do. I still hadn’t turned on the news, radio, or gone on the laptop yet so my friend and I spoke for a while and we was both convincing one another that it was either a rumour, or that he pulled through. I don’t know what possessed me but it was coming to the end of our call, and I finally logged on. There on every news page in bold letters was the headline I never thought in my lifetime I would read, or hear.
Though my aunt was there for me I felt like I was alone. It was a Friday morning and they had to go to bed because they had work. My brother well he in his own world and I couldn’t really bother him. It was the loneliest time. I remember finally going onto Facebook and seeing everyone’s status. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At that point I think that is when I lost all feeling. That is when I no longer living but existing. During the morning I was talking to people, and then one of my friends’s called me to comfort me, because she knew what I was going through because her mother had passed away.
I honestly couldn’t sleep. I felt sick, all the time I was laying down it was like this pain in the centre of my stomach. Like hearing bad news you’re anxious, and crazy things erupt inside you and it’s a sickening feeling. I so badly wanted to run to my aunt and for her to hold me but I couldn’t. I wish she could have token the day off work but she couldn’t, well to be honest I wanted to ask her these questions but she already did so much for me.
If I’m honest I think I only managed a couple hours sleep before the morning greeted me. I was still in that place of an emotionless state. I think I turned on the television once and it showed his rented house and the tape around it, flowers, etc and so I turned it off. A couple more friends called me; I went up to the shop and brought a paper. To be honest I do not know why I guess I was looking for answers. I’m not a tabloid junkie, though I do admit I did use to purchase newspapers, but it was only for the back pages as I use to follow football religiously.
I just remember being in the kitchen and looking out the window watching the world go by as the questions still invade my mind. I still didn’t believe it. Though I saw everyone’s status on Facebook, the newspaper and other sources I still couldn’t stomach it, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I went upstairs and same thing I sat on the window ledge and looked out as the clouds were white, skies were light blue so clear.
I can’t even remember what happened to my brother I think my aunt came home early and took him out to get some shopping, and that was when I called my friend. It was so emotional. She was there threatening to kill herself. Long story short there was a lot of crying but I managed to talk her round.
I was meant to come home that day but I just couldn’t bear to face anyone. And for some bizarre reason I told myself I needed an extra day to come to terms with it. F-in hell, it is seven months later and I’m still trying to come to terms with June.
Of course never have I been in two minds. I do remember in the midst of it, when it was still so fresh and soon rumours flew thick and fast, theories and at times I got caught up in the windmill but I guess that was because, well I can’t really explain all I can say is I had my moment then it flew over.
One thing that was bothering me a lot was the fact that I had or felt no emotion what so ever. I’m serious I didn’t feel the tears, nor the sadness, nor just anything. I was like a blank canvas. But I understood because when I would be amongst other fans I understood what they were going through, but I just couldn’t express it myself.
I soon became dependant on alcohol during the early days. I mean I love a drink here and there anyway but when I first drank and the tears flooded, it was then that I became dependant on it. I mean to go from a being who could feel everything. To feel emotion from watching television, to seeing my nephews, to watching or listening to Michael, any little thing to then suddenly feeling nothing at all honestly scared the living shit out of me. If I wasn’t drinking everyday possibly every other day or every week, it got to a point where my mother was starting to question me on whether I have a problem.
I soon started to question too. In fact my mind played even more tricks on me and I thought “wow, I’m probably going to end up an alcoholic” I don’t know who but I think it was my aunt ‘the rock star one’ lifted me up at times when others couldn’t. Yet again she was there and knew what to do and say.
The memorial was hard. I remember with a friend at the time we brought a bottle or two and shared it between us. And the thing is I was fine, until they brought him onstage, lords have mercy I cried, cried, cried, and cried. The service was two hours I cried throughout the entire service, then I don’t know if I called my aunt, or she called me but I broke down to her. After drying the eyes and sobering up we went back to oxford circus and just jammed there until the morning. I’m sure that was the morning I came home about 4/5am in the morning if not another time.
July 13th was another hard day. Though I don’t dispute it was such a beautiful day. It should have been a beautiful day for other reasons. My dream comes true of seeing Michael live. I’m sure I was amongst the majority who just kept on looking up to the sky waiting for him to return, pop out of somewhere.
Now fast forward seven months later and to be honest I thought that by going to college it would help but it was too soon. And I felt I didn’t have the time I needed to fully crumble without voices telling me this, telling me that. I don’t need to say how much I love Michael, because I feel when I writ that story HIStory it was really me being able to express my frustrations, anger, sadness all emotions which I couldn’t express, or say.
I’m in St Vincent alone trying to find a way to go on. I don’t need people telling me this and that. I will do it in my own time, I can’t be rushed. It’s like this is such a reality check for me. Like I went around with my heads up in the sky (which to be honest I still do) thinking that the people I love were immune to the inevitable fate. When June happened it has just woken me up and I remember telling a few people. Jesus I am like this with Michael, I can only imagine what I may be like when it comes to my mum or dad, or someone else I love. My grandma brought me to church and honest truth it was emotional both times. I think it was a way spiritually of making me visit this moment, and the reality of what has happened which I have denied for so long. I have since had a few emotional moments here and there without intoxication. I watch him, or listen to him and it gets to me. Also whilst watching this is it for the fortieth time hehe my aunt told me she saw Michael in concert. Now why she go do that, do not think that though I was excited, I was jealous and then the reality hit me again, she saw him in concert, I was destined too.
Ok, wow this has taken me very long. A lot of stop and start, now that I have finally been able to revisit I hope to continue this personal journey.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
[Part II THIS IS IT]
[READ PART ONE FIRST, I JUST DID IT IN TWO PARTS BECAUSE IT IS A LONG A** UPDATE]
Oh one more thing listen to MAN IN THE MIROR, JAM, MONEY, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US, SCREAM just to name a few of Michael’s songs and like I said he has been trying to warn us for years. This is it, it’s time we unite and make that change. Ok seriously this is my last ramble on the subject one of my favourite songs from his album INVINCIBLE is Threatened. Listening to it now, again I believe it has another meaning. I need to post the lyrics because their just AMAZING.
"Threatened"
[ROD SERLING INTRO]
Tonight’s story is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction
A monster had arrived in the village
The major ingredient of any recipe for fear is the unknown
And this person or thing is soon to be met
He knows every thought, he can feel every emotion
Oh yes, I did forget something didn’t I? I forgot to introduce you to the monster.
You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast
Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed
I’m underneath
You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls
I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me
I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head
I heard just what you said
That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
You should be watching me, you should feel threatened
Why you sleep, why you creep, you should be threatened
Every time your lady speaks she speaks to me, threatened
Half of me you’ll never be, so you should feel threatened by me
You think you’re by yourself, but it’s my touch you felt
I’m not a ghost from Hell, but I’ve got a spell on you
Your worst nightmare, it's me, I'm everywhere
In one blink I’ll disappear, and then I’ll come back to haunt you
I’m telling you, when you lie under a tomb
I’m the one watching you
That’s why you got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
[ROD SERLING VERSE]
The unknown monster is about to embark
From a far corner, out of the dark
A nightmare, that’s the case
Never Neverland, that’s the place
This particular monster can read minds
Be in two places at the same time
This is judgement night, execution, slaughter
The devil, ghosts, this monster is torture
You can be sure of one thing, that’s fate
A human presence that you feel is strange
A monster that you can see disappear
A monster, the worst thing to fear.
[CHORUS x 3]
[ROD SERLING OUTRO]
What you have just witnessed could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare.
It isn’t. It’s the beginning.
I think they feared him and in this song Michael is telling them not just the visible authority but the invisible authority too that I know your game and what you’re about, and I think that definitely scared them and angered them. But justice will be served; the truths will start to be set free.
Right, ok so I have lost my trail of thought one second. [Looks back] Oh yes so by now I’m on the plane dosing in and out of a conscious state. I must have missed a few snacks, and then I’m not sure if at one point I woke up and saw my dinner there, or I was woken up and given it. Either way the smell put me off or I couldn’t eat it. Before I boarded the plane I purchased a big bottle of water. Normally because of my speech I have my mum or dad get me a drink on the plane and since I had neither I wasn’t quite confident of asking for drinks even though I was quite dehydrated. But luckily I brought the water for the eight hour flight, it lasted me.
Whilst I was up in the sky I was in another place, mind, body and soul. Spiritually I was in a place full of love, security and just a place without any judgement to whom I love and what I love. Thanking my dad that he let me; well not really let I had taken over his mini laptop so that came with me. Up in the sky way beyond vision I was there above the clouds in that tranquil place. I was able to setup the laptop and listen to my music, it was heavenly. I was even having long talks with Michael. We was talking about a lot of things from his music, dance, to just simple life things and especially the last six months and what to predict for the future.
It’s like this, when I watch or listen, or see Michael I just fall even more in love. It’s like watching the same thing over and over again does not get tiring, at least not in MJ’s case. And it’s like you find little details or big details which trigger love and it’s just a beautiful cycle of love for the man. I think I have been exposed intentionally and unintentionally but I am not complaining. Now people know for birthdays and Christmas and just if you want to get me anything, Michael related please. I am working on building my collection. I already have quite a few posters. I am looking to turn my room into a beautiful immaculate exhibition.
So I think I need to fast forward because this is already coming up to five pages and I haven’t even blogged about my arrival at Barbados, and the week I have had already.
[Barbados] So I got to Barbados, was a little confused so I asked for guidance and then because I got through late I missed my transition flight over to St Vincent. Long story short, after numerous calls to my aunt in Vincent, and my mum and dad I went with the airport to a hotel. I must say the hotel was pretty definitely a four star I would say. I think it was a double bedroom, had a little balcony and the pool, and beach close by. I arrived in time for dinner, and then I just went on the internet catching up with a few people. On the ride up to the hotel I saw Michael. I smiled I knew he was following me, looking after me. I had a little emotional moment up in the hotel room as I was listening to stand by me and just looking at him. As always with my IPod I went to sleep with Michael sleeping with me.
Oh one more thing listen to MAN IN THE MIROR, JAM, MONEY, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US, SCREAM just to name a few of Michael’s songs and like I said he has been trying to warn us for years. This is it, it’s time we unite and make that change. Ok seriously this is my last ramble on the subject one of my favourite songs from his album INVINCIBLE is Threatened. Listening to it now, again I believe it has another meaning. I need to post the lyrics because their just AMAZING.
"Threatened"
[ROD SERLING INTRO]
Tonight’s story is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction
A monster had arrived in the village
The major ingredient of any recipe for fear is the unknown
And this person or thing is soon to be met
He knows every thought, he can feel every emotion
Oh yes, I did forget something didn’t I? I forgot to introduce you to the monster.
You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast
Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed
I’m underneath
You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls
I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me
I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head
I heard just what you said
That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
You should be watching me, you should feel threatened
Why you sleep, why you creep, you should be threatened
Every time your lady speaks she speaks to me, threatened
Half of me you’ll never be, so you should feel threatened by me
You think you’re by yourself, but it’s my touch you felt
I’m not a ghost from Hell, but I’ve got a spell on you
Your worst nightmare, it's me, I'm everywhere
In one blink I’ll disappear, and then I’ll come back to haunt you
I’m telling you, when you lie under a tomb
I’m the one watching you
That’s why you got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
[ROD SERLING VERSE]
The unknown monster is about to embark
From a far corner, out of the dark
A nightmare, that’s the case
Never Neverland, that’s the place
This particular monster can read minds
Be in two places at the same time
This is judgement night, execution, slaughter
The devil, ghosts, this monster is torture
You can be sure of one thing, that’s fate
A human presence that you feel is strange
A monster that you can see disappear
A monster, the worst thing to fear.
[CHORUS x 3]
[ROD SERLING OUTRO]
What you have just witnessed could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare.
It isn’t. It’s the beginning.
I think they feared him and in this song Michael is telling them not just the visible authority but the invisible authority too that I know your game and what you’re about, and I think that definitely scared them and angered them. But justice will be served; the truths will start to be set free.
Right, ok so I have lost my trail of thought one second. [Looks back] Oh yes so by now I’m on the plane dosing in and out of a conscious state. I must have missed a few snacks, and then I’m not sure if at one point I woke up and saw my dinner there, or I was woken up and given it. Either way the smell put me off or I couldn’t eat it. Before I boarded the plane I purchased a big bottle of water. Normally because of my speech I have my mum or dad get me a drink on the plane and since I had neither I wasn’t quite confident of asking for drinks even though I was quite dehydrated. But luckily I brought the water for the eight hour flight, it lasted me.
Whilst I was up in the sky I was in another place, mind, body and soul. Spiritually I was in a place full of love, security and just a place without any judgement to whom I love and what I love. Thanking my dad that he let me; well not really let I had taken over his mini laptop so that came with me. Up in the sky way beyond vision I was there above the clouds in that tranquil place. I was able to setup the laptop and listen to my music, it was heavenly. I was even having long talks with Michael. We was talking about a lot of things from his music, dance, to just simple life things and especially the last six months and what to predict for the future.
It’s like this, when I watch or listen, or see Michael I just fall even more in love. It’s like watching the same thing over and over again does not get tiring, at least not in MJ’s case. And it’s like you find little details or big details which trigger love and it’s just a beautiful cycle of love for the man. I think I have been exposed intentionally and unintentionally but I am not complaining. Now people know for birthdays and Christmas and just if you want to get me anything, Michael related please. I am working on building my collection. I already have quite a few posters. I am looking to turn my room into a beautiful immaculate exhibition.
So I think I need to fast forward because this is already coming up to five pages and I haven’t even blogged about my arrival at Barbados, and the week I have had already.
[Barbados] So I got to Barbados, was a little confused so I asked for guidance and then because I got through late I missed my transition flight over to St Vincent. Long story short, after numerous calls to my aunt in Vincent, and my mum and dad I went with the airport to a hotel. I must say the hotel was pretty definitely a four star I would say. I think it was a double bedroom, had a little balcony and the pool, and beach close by. I arrived in time for dinner, and then I just went on the internet catching up with a few people. On the ride up to the hotel I saw Michael. I smiled I knew he was following me, looking after me. I had a little emotional moment up in the hotel room as I was listening to stand by me and just looking at him. As always with my IPod I went to sleep with Michael sleeping with me.
Part I [THIS IS IT]
[NEXT UPDATE]
In the next update Keisha talks about waking up to the sound of the waves, breakfast with a young man. Her return to the airport, and almost misses her flight to St Vincent. Stay tuned ...
This month will be six months since June and as time has passed I am beginning to find out information which is perhaps leading to the truth. I am currently on a two and a half month break in a Caribbean island. I am here on a personal journey. After June my world crumbled and I am at that point now where I am trying to pick up the pieces and put them together again. I think in a way this has revealed to the people close to me a true insight into the person I am, and the people I love. I also believe that it was a reality check for me in that perhaps the way I was living before was not quite realistic, or perhaps the person, some of my traits, was not me. Either way the paths I have chosen to take. The people in my life and the world in general have led me to this point. Where at twenty one I’m starting a new chapter in my life which started with boarding an aeroplane alone and flying thousands upon thousands miles away from home.
I must say leading up to January eleventh I was quite petrified. To my family I told them I was scared because I was flying alone, and because I was going to be inside such a huge public domain. I don’t have a clue. And whilst that was true I revealed to a few close friends something deeper. Since June I seem to no longer be fearful of going. I mean I know it’s inevitable and one day we all will. But before June I thought my people were invincible to it. And then fast forward six months later and my minds in battle with me and I am thinking up the craziest of things.
But when the time came for take off, I looked out to the sky and prayed to Michael. I thought that I was going to get a whole row to myself, unfortunately not. I had a grandma and granddad sitting next to me, but they were quite alright. I was definitely catching a lot of snores on the plane because the night before I didn’t get any sleep. I was too busy on site getting all my tunes to go on the IPod.
It came to about six when my parents and I eventually left I sent a text message to a few people, I guess you could call it twitter by mobile. I almost left without my Michael Jackson eyewear. But thankfully my dad told me to look again underneath the sofa; low and behold it was there. So after an hour or so we got to the airport and my booty was freezing. I’m telling you never were I so glad to be flying out to catch some consistent sunshine.
So we ordered breakfast, and sat in the lobby area until it was about nine and my parents had to leave me. But don’t think I was not maddening my parents constantly going over my passport, tickets and in which order I had to present them at each destination. It then came time for departure. My insides were doing somersaults because this is it, as my boy Michael Jackson said. So I went on through departure, and I saw them until I went through the doors and that was it. From there on it was me, myself and I along with Michael.
So my first time flying and I thought what could possibly go wrong. Well the fire alarm went on like three times and I thought “Just my luck!” They had us walking outside into some shelter. After about ten minutes it resumed and we went back inside. After numerous phone calls, and then eventually asking an officer who works there I was heading towards gate nineteen.
I was now at the boarding section, waiting for my seat numbers to be called, it took about twenty minutes but there I was amongst the crowd walking towards the plane. I found my seat and just when I thought it was me one, two old people sat next to me. Another thirty minutes past and the moment finally arrived. All I kept repeating was this is it, and in ways universally he was speaking to generations but if we really take time out to sit and think there is also a personal meaning too. And whilst I am away from my comforts I will be figuring out the personal message to me. The wheels turned and the plane went taking its position. Before I knew it, we gathered enough speed and we lifted off the ground, within five to ten minutes we were already high up. I’m so glad I got a window seat to capture the action.
If anything though my heart is broken, my world crumbled, and every other emotion that could possibly describe what June has left me, one thing for certain is that it has definitely made me stop thinking about the future, and living in the present. Someone special came into my life and though from an outside perspective there have been judgements she has been wonderful for me, and to me and in so many ways I feel this is a blessing from Michael. Obviously I had prayers which I kept to myself and he saw things beyond me and here I am six months later in a beautiful relationship.
I love her, I really do with all my heart and I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with her, however long or short my time here on this earth is. We’ve endured so much ups and downs to the point where it was almost over on numerous occasions but that specialness which is perhaps embodied in both of us through a mutual love has helped out overcome a lot, and that is why today we stand united, stronger than ever and continuing to support one another in what we do as a team, and as individuals.
As I was saying through what happened in June and certain people coming into my life I am becoming more aware of the world I live in. And though I knew that there were higher beings invisible to the eye controlling the world I didn’t know to what extent. The Illimanti are these multi billionaires behind the scenes who pull the strings and control everything we read, see, hear and do. It’s quite scary that their apart of the devil and they are looking towards a new world order. Here is a brief outline of how they operate. They pick people who have exposure potential i.e. who the people will love, who the people will adore too. With some research I have found out that artists such as Jay Z, Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga are all working for them. And right now I must apologise to my nephew Tre’ who showed me Rihanna’s umbrella video and a scene by scene analysis and looking over it again I am shocked. And it does not stop there. Go watch and research their videos and you will see the shocking truth.
I know it doesn’t just stop there, it’s everywhere. They target anyone and I was watching online Barack Obama the Deception. I posted it to my Facebook. In one word to describe it was very interesting. To think out of how many U.S. presidents only a few how you would say stuck it to the man and because of that their lives were taken from them. We were made believe change was coming with Obama but after watching that documentary it seems we are just victims yet again to the same vicious cycle. I will stop there with this because I know this is not the kind of update you was looking for, but I am very intrigued and so I will be continuing to do further research. I will end this one with … I believe they, and they know who they are had a big, or entire part to play for what happened to Michael.
In the next update Keisha talks about waking up to the sound of the waves, breakfast with a young man. Her return to the airport, and almost misses her flight to St Vincent. Stay tuned ...
This month will be six months since June and as time has passed I am beginning to find out information which is perhaps leading to the truth. I am currently on a two and a half month break in a Caribbean island. I am here on a personal journey. After June my world crumbled and I am at that point now where I am trying to pick up the pieces and put them together again. I think in a way this has revealed to the people close to me a true insight into the person I am, and the people I love. I also believe that it was a reality check for me in that perhaps the way I was living before was not quite realistic, or perhaps the person, some of my traits, was not me. Either way the paths I have chosen to take. The people in my life and the world in general have led me to this point. Where at twenty one I’m starting a new chapter in my life which started with boarding an aeroplane alone and flying thousands upon thousands miles away from home.
I must say leading up to January eleventh I was quite petrified. To my family I told them I was scared because I was flying alone, and because I was going to be inside such a huge public domain. I don’t have a clue. And whilst that was true I revealed to a few close friends something deeper. Since June I seem to no longer be fearful of going. I mean I know it’s inevitable and one day we all will. But before June I thought my people were invincible to it. And then fast forward six months later and my minds in battle with me and I am thinking up the craziest of things.
But when the time came for take off, I looked out to the sky and prayed to Michael. I thought that I was going to get a whole row to myself, unfortunately not. I had a grandma and granddad sitting next to me, but they were quite alright. I was definitely catching a lot of snores on the plane because the night before I didn’t get any sleep. I was too busy on site getting all my tunes to go on the IPod.
It came to about six when my parents and I eventually left I sent a text message to a few people, I guess you could call it twitter by mobile. I almost left without my Michael Jackson eyewear. But thankfully my dad told me to look again underneath the sofa; low and behold it was there. So after an hour or so we got to the airport and my booty was freezing. I’m telling you never were I so glad to be flying out to catch some consistent sunshine.
So we ordered breakfast, and sat in the lobby area until it was about nine and my parents had to leave me. But don’t think I was not maddening my parents constantly going over my passport, tickets and in which order I had to present them at each destination. It then came time for departure. My insides were doing somersaults because this is it, as my boy Michael Jackson said. So I went on through departure, and I saw them until I went through the doors and that was it. From there on it was me, myself and I along with Michael.
So my first time flying and I thought what could possibly go wrong. Well the fire alarm went on like three times and I thought “Just my luck!” They had us walking outside into some shelter. After about ten minutes it resumed and we went back inside. After numerous phone calls, and then eventually asking an officer who works there I was heading towards gate nineteen.
I was now at the boarding section, waiting for my seat numbers to be called, it took about twenty minutes but there I was amongst the crowd walking towards the plane. I found my seat and just when I thought it was me one, two old people sat next to me. Another thirty minutes past and the moment finally arrived. All I kept repeating was this is it, and in ways universally he was speaking to generations but if we really take time out to sit and think there is also a personal meaning too. And whilst I am away from my comforts I will be figuring out the personal message to me. The wheels turned and the plane went taking its position. Before I knew it, we gathered enough speed and we lifted off the ground, within five to ten minutes we were already high up. I’m so glad I got a window seat to capture the action.
If anything though my heart is broken, my world crumbled, and every other emotion that could possibly describe what June has left me, one thing for certain is that it has definitely made me stop thinking about the future, and living in the present. Someone special came into my life and though from an outside perspective there have been judgements she has been wonderful for me, and to me and in so many ways I feel this is a blessing from Michael. Obviously I had prayers which I kept to myself and he saw things beyond me and here I am six months later in a beautiful relationship.
I love her, I really do with all my heart and I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with her, however long or short my time here on this earth is. We’ve endured so much ups and downs to the point where it was almost over on numerous occasions but that specialness which is perhaps embodied in both of us through a mutual love has helped out overcome a lot, and that is why today we stand united, stronger than ever and continuing to support one another in what we do as a team, and as individuals.
As I was saying through what happened in June and certain people coming into my life I am becoming more aware of the world I live in. And though I knew that there were higher beings invisible to the eye controlling the world I didn’t know to what extent. The Illimanti are these multi billionaires behind the scenes who pull the strings and control everything we read, see, hear and do. It’s quite scary that their apart of the devil and they are looking towards a new world order. Here is a brief outline of how they operate. They pick people who have exposure potential i.e. who the people will love, who the people will adore too. With some research I have found out that artists such as Jay Z, Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga are all working for them. And right now I must apologise to my nephew Tre’ who showed me Rihanna’s umbrella video and a scene by scene analysis and looking over it again I am shocked. And it does not stop there. Go watch and research their videos and you will see the shocking truth.
I know it doesn’t just stop there, it’s everywhere. They target anyone and I was watching online Barack Obama the Deception. I posted it to my Facebook. In one word to describe it was very interesting. To think out of how many U.S. presidents only a few how you would say stuck it to the man and because of that their lives were taken from them. We were made believe change was coming with Obama but after watching that documentary it seems we are just victims yet again to the same vicious cycle. I will stop there with this because I know this is not the kind of update you was looking for, but I am very intrigued and so I will be continuing to do further research. I will end this one with … I believe they, and they know who they are had a big, or entire part to play for what happened to Michael.
Saturday, 17 October 2009
HIStory
Note from the Author.
When I first did a draft of this story and I handed it in my teacher said it was really good, level three .. Though I was happy I am perfectionist when it comes to writing. So I went back three times over and the outcome is this. I am really happy with my final piece. This story is dedicated to all the wonderful people I have met through these difficult times. Whom I look upon as my extended family. Through listening to your thoughts, feelings and also my own this is the outcome. This is also dedicated to my idol Michael .. As Akon said " I want to thank you for showing me the man in the mirror" <3 you Michael, always and forever.
Keisha Jackson Ellis-Taylor <3 's DKJ, SMJ, MLJ, TDJ, TJ, JD ..
His frail body lays there on the unfurnished floor. Without a top on, his rib cage is on display as if it were art being shown in an exhibition. The colouring of his skin lighter than usual, so pale you could mistake him for a porcelain doll. There he lay still like a statue as the lethal combination of alcohol and drugs work vigorously like a nine to five. His boyfriend looks on from the window ledge in concern as Ashley spirals even further into oblivion.
“Ashley?” The dark skin boy calls out. The room so bare his voice echoes. He repeats several more times until he finally hears a breakthrough.
“Y-yes” Ashley whispers. His voice laced with no emotion. He stands from the window and makes his way to the middle of the room and kneels down beside him. Although the journey was done in less than five seconds it felt like a trip around the world. His eyes travelled from Ashley’s feet to his hair knowing that the events of June were evident on his mind and body. Travis came eye to eye with Ashley. What he saw shattered his heart like brokenglass. His eyes which were once visible with love, happiness and ambition were now replaced with hollowed emptiness, sadness and pain.
For Travis he knows the feeling and he knows what Ashley is going through because too many times he has been there before. With one hand he places it gently on top of Ashley’s and immediately Goosebumps arise on his own body. Ashley was as cold as ice. Travis scans the room for something which could generate heat to stop his boyfriend’s body temperature dropping any lower but through the dark room with only a small glass window nothing was in sight.
“I ...” The teen averts back to the figure that lay before him, his eyes grew big as he anxiously waits for more. A few more minutes pass and not another word was uttered not even a sound. He flung his head back and closed his eyes as the tears descended.
Travis jolts at the sudden contact, quickly opening his eyes he looks down to his hands and saw they were covered. A smile spreads across his face and with that the sad tears soon turn to happy tears. With a free hand he covers his mouth and blinks his eyes as he couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears.
“I … love you” Ashley mouthed and follows with a weak smile.
And just as quickly as his demeanour changed to hope and happiness with that small gesture, in a blink of an eye it changes to horror. Like watching a movie he was not registering what was transpiring, and that in front of him was real, Ashley leaving him, leaving this world. In the presence of the dark for the first time a light shone upon them, a white glow illuminated. Travis looks up and sees a shining star piercing through. He looks down and in that moment with the brightness around them he watches Ashley and for the first time he sees something he had not seen in a long time, peace and calm. He cradles the lifeless body as if it was a child and begins to rock. He rocks and rocks until he falls asleep. The light fades as darkness falls covering them like a blanket.
* * *
Travis hears his name being called and enters the assembly. Like a song being composed the audience claps in union. He makes his way up the steps to the podium wearing a signature outfit worn by Ashley’s idol Michael Jackson. Travis wore the outfit which Michael revealed during the Bad era for his video Bad. He looks stunning from head to toe in a matching black jacket and trousers plastered with silver studs and belt buckles. He completes the look with the arm bands, cowboy boots and his hair in a curly perm. When at the podium he takes a moment to observe his surrounding. The room was beautifully decorated with pictures of Ashley. Multi coloured balloons and messages covering the walls from teachers and students. All eyes look to the stage as the teen speaks
“I would like to thank everyone in here today for being present. Today’s date marks one month since Ashley passing and not a day goes by where my heart doesn’t yearn for him. In front of me I have a letter which he wrote and on behalf I would like to share it with you all ...”
Travis pauses to compose himself. After a few seconds which felt like minutes he continues
“It has been over two months now and I am still trying to come to terms with the event that took place on June twenty fifth. I am trying to engineer my mind to accept that physically he is no longer here but I am finding it difficult. As long as I can remember I have loved Michael Jackson. As a child it was solely his music, but as I got older I began to look beyond that and uncover the man himself. I had tickets to go see him this summer. It was going to be the best summer holiday ever. I remember back in March my boyfriend and I went to go see him announce his concerts which were to be held at the 02. Never had I cried so much because one of my many dreams was to come true. I was on such a high telling everyone I, Ashley Joe was going to see my idol Michael Jackson live. I assume people didn’t understand the totality of it. I was not going to see just any artist; I was going to see Michael Jackson the artist of artists. Travis and I had planned from the moment the announcement was made what we were going to wear and what our movements were for the first three months he was down here. Travis surprised me with purchasing five tickets for July thirteenth, sixthteenth, twenty second, August third and thirtieth.”
He pauses again. He looks up and closes his eyes for a moment feeling Ashley’s presence with him. Opening his eyes again he looks out to the audience and then back to the letter. The letter which has his heart and soul smeared all over. His eyes well up as he continues once again.
“Being a Michael fan is never easy. You are ridiculed constantly and I cannot understand why. People are constantly questioning his fans by asking how you can like him. All you hear is he is a freak, he’s ugly, he is a paedophile, he’s plastic, blah, blah, and blah the list is endless. First off beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to me he is the most beautiful man in the world. He is not a paedophile June 13th 2005 cleared of all ten charges. And before you bring up the first case in 93 ask yourself this. If your child accused some one of abusing them would you take a settlement? No matter if the person was an artist, celebrity or your average Jo would you? You talk about him being plastic. Why how much surgery he has had relevant? In America most notably Los Angeles famous figures have plastic surgery all the time, why single out Michael Jackson? I understand that during the years his skin has gotten lighter but that was down to a skin condition called Vitiligo which he has mentioned many times before. It is a condition which causes loss of pigmentation to the skin. When it first started to appear during the Thriller Era he tried to cover up with dark make up. When that wasn’t working and the condition worsened he used light makeup to even out the tone of his skin. I still do not understand why people call him strange? I think during the memorial Rev Al Sharpton said it best
“Was nothing strange about your daddy; it was strange what your daddy had to deal with”
And just like on the day when Al Sharpton delivered that line the Staple Centre burst into a crescendo of claps and cheers. The audience in front of Travis replicated the same gesture. As the noise dies down he continues on
“I think people have allowed the media’s voice to act as an excuse to hate on this man. I mean I have no problem with anyone saying they do not like the man or even enjoying his music but when you judge and it’s based on things like “he is strange, he is a freak,” you start to question their judgement. They tell you “I heard.” It’s all very typical isn’t it? The media feed you and you eat it, you believe it. Don’t believe everything you hear printed or told in the media. What he was about, and still is till this day was giving continuous love to the world and helping millions of people through his humanitarian work, and giving pleasure through his singing and dancing.”
Travis stops briefly. The room fall so silent it feels like morning where you can hear nothing but the cool breeze and the birds chirping and singing.
“I sit in my room writing this as I have tried, but failed miserably, to go on. I feel like I am no longer living but just existing. It is like I am going through the motions without substance. Many people have tried to help me but have given up on me because I have not made any progress. A lot of people do not understand. They are quite perplexed when they see my behaviour but you have to know, for so many of us Michael was more than an artist. He has touched my life in so many ways and I feel that even though I didn’t get to meet him, I know him on a personal level through his music and dance, and for that I feel like I have lost one of my own. He is a gifted musical genius, wonderful father and beautiful man. Travis, I would like to thank you for being there for me through everything. My love for you is eternal and though I will not be here physically, spiritually I am forever with you
- Love AJ
When Travis finishes the letter there is not a dry eye in the room. Everyone gets up and claps as he stands and looks out to the sea of faces. As the tears finally fall he looks up and smiles knowing that Ashley is with him the whole time. The dark skin teen takes a bow then walks off stage proud that he told his boyfriend’s story, and that it touches other people. He also hopes that it gives the people here today a little more insight into people’s love for Michael Jackson. Upon his exit a selection of Michael Jackson songs began to play.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you Wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
- Man in the mirror (Bad)
Heal the world, make it a better place
For you and for me, and the entire human race
There are people dying if you care enough for the living
So make a better place for you and for me
- Heal the world (Dangerous)
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
it’s been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I've never known...
- Childhood (History)
When I first did a draft of this story and I handed it in my teacher said it was really good, level three .. Though I was happy I am perfectionist when it comes to writing. So I went back three times over and the outcome is this. I am really happy with my final piece. This story is dedicated to all the wonderful people I have met through these difficult times. Whom I look upon as my extended family. Through listening to your thoughts, feelings and also my own this is the outcome. This is also dedicated to my idol Michael .. As Akon said " I want to thank you for showing me the man in the mirror" <3 you Michael, always and forever.
Keisha Jackson Ellis-Taylor <3 's DKJ, SMJ, MLJ, TDJ, TJ, JD ..
His frail body lays there on the unfurnished floor. Without a top on, his rib cage is on display as if it were art being shown in an exhibition. The colouring of his skin lighter than usual, so pale you could mistake him for a porcelain doll. There he lay still like a statue as the lethal combination of alcohol and drugs work vigorously like a nine to five. His boyfriend looks on from the window ledge in concern as Ashley spirals even further into oblivion.
“Ashley?” The dark skin boy calls out. The room so bare his voice echoes. He repeats several more times until he finally hears a breakthrough.
“Y-yes” Ashley whispers. His voice laced with no emotion. He stands from the window and makes his way to the middle of the room and kneels down beside him. Although the journey was done in less than five seconds it felt like a trip around the world. His eyes travelled from Ashley’s feet to his hair knowing that the events of June were evident on his mind and body. Travis came eye to eye with Ashley. What he saw shattered his heart like brokenglass. His eyes which were once visible with love, happiness and ambition were now replaced with hollowed emptiness, sadness and pain.
For Travis he knows the feeling and he knows what Ashley is going through because too many times he has been there before. With one hand he places it gently on top of Ashley’s and immediately Goosebumps arise on his own body. Ashley was as cold as ice. Travis scans the room for something which could generate heat to stop his boyfriend’s body temperature dropping any lower but through the dark room with only a small glass window nothing was in sight.
“I ...” The teen averts back to the figure that lay before him, his eyes grew big as he anxiously waits for more. A few more minutes pass and not another word was uttered not even a sound. He flung his head back and closed his eyes as the tears descended.
Travis jolts at the sudden contact, quickly opening his eyes he looks down to his hands and saw they were covered. A smile spreads across his face and with that the sad tears soon turn to happy tears. With a free hand he covers his mouth and blinks his eyes as he couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears.
“I … love you” Ashley mouthed and follows with a weak smile.
And just as quickly as his demeanour changed to hope and happiness with that small gesture, in a blink of an eye it changes to horror. Like watching a movie he was not registering what was transpiring, and that in front of him was real, Ashley leaving him, leaving this world. In the presence of the dark for the first time a light shone upon them, a white glow illuminated. Travis looks up and sees a shining star piercing through. He looks down and in that moment with the brightness around them he watches Ashley and for the first time he sees something he had not seen in a long time, peace and calm. He cradles the lifeless body as if it was a child and begins to rock. He rocks and rocks until he falls asleep. The light fades as darkness falls covering them like a blanket.
* * *
Travis hears his name being called and enters the assembly. Like a song being composed the audience claps in union. He makes his way up the steps to the podium wearing a signature outfit worn by Ashley’s idol Michael Jackson. Travis wore the outfit which Michael revealed during the Bad era for his video Bad. He looks stunning from head to toe in a matching black jacket and trousers plastered with silver studs and belt buckles. He completes the look with the arm bands, cowboy boots and his hair in a curly perm. When at the podium he takes a moment to observe his surrounding. The room was beautifully decorated with pictures of Ashley. Multi coloured balloons and messages covering the walls from teachers and students. All eyes look to the stage as the teen speaks
“I would like to thank everyone in here today for being present. Today’s date marks one month since Ashley passing and not a day goes by where my heart doesn’t yearn for him. In front of me I have a letter which he wrote and on behalf I would like to share it with you all ...”
Travis pauses to compose himself. After a few seconds which felt like minutes he continues
“It has been over two months now and I am still trying to come to terms with the event that took place on June twenty fifth. I am trying to engineer my mind to accept that physically he is no longer here but I am finding it difficult. As long as I can remember I have loved Michael Jackson. As a child it was solely his music, but as I got older I began to look beyond that and uncover the man himself. I had tickets to go see him this summer. It was going to be the best summer holiday ever. I remember back in March my boyfriend and I went to go see him announce his concerts which were to be held at the 02. Never had I cried so much because one of my many dreams was to come true. I was on such a high telling everyone I, Ashley Joe was going to see my idol Michael Jackson live. I assume people didn’t understand the totality of it. I was not going to see just any artist; I was going to see Michael Jackson the artist of artists. Travis and I had planned from the moment the announcement was made what we were going to wear and what our movements were for the first three months he was down here. Travis surprised me with purchasing five tickets for July thirteenth, sixthteenth, twenty second, August third and thirtieth.”
He pauses again. He looks up and closes his eyes for a moment feeling Ashley’s presence with him. Opening his eyes again he looks out to the audience and then back to the letter. The letter which has his heart and soul smeared all over. His eyes well up as he continues once again.
“Being a Michael fan is never easy. You are ridiculed constantly and I cannot understand why. People are constantly questioning his fans by asking how you can like him. All you hear is he is a freak, he’s ugly, he is a paedophile, he’s plastic, blah, blah, and blah the list is endless. First off beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to me he is the most beautiful man in the world. He is not a paedophile June 13th 2005 cleared of all ten charges. And before you bring up the first case in 93 ask yourself this. If your child accused some one of abusing them would you take a settlement? No matter if the person was an artist, celebrity or your average Jo would you? You talk about him being plastic. Why how much surgery he has had relevant? In America most notably Los Angeles famous figures have plastic surgery all the time, why single out Michael Jackson? I understand that during the years his skin has gotten lighter but that was down to a skin condition called Vitiligo which he has mentioned many times before. It is a condition which causes loss of pigmentation to the skin. When it first started to appear during the Thriller Era he tried to cover up with dark make up. When that wasn’t working and the condition worsened he used light makeup to even out the tone of his skin. I still do not understand why people call him strange? I think during the memorial Rev Al Sharpton said it best
“Was nothing strange about your daddy; it was strange what your daddy had to deal with”
And just like on the day when Al Sharpton delivered that line the Staple Centre burst into a crescendo of claps and cheers. The audience in front of Travis replicated the same gesture. As the noise dies down he continues on
“I think people have allowed the media’s voice to act as an excuse to hate on this man. I mean I have no problem with anyone saying they do not like the man or even enjoying his music but when you judge and it’s based on things like “he is strange, he is a freak,” you start to question their judgement. They tell you “I heard.” It’s all very typical isn’t it? The media feed you and you eat it, you believe it. Don’t believe everything you hear printed or told in the media. What he was about, and still is till this day was giving continuous love to the world and helping millions of people through his humanitarian work, and giving pleasure through his singing and dancing.”
Travis stops briefly. The room fall so silent it feels like morning where you can hear nothing but the cool breeze and the birds chirping and singing.
“I sit in my room writing this as I have tried, but failed miserably, to go on. I feel like I am no longer living but just existing. It is like I am going through the motions without substance. Many people have tried to help me but have given up on me because I have not made any progress. A lot of people do not understand. They are quite perplexed when they see my behaviour but you have to know, for so many of us Michael was more than an artist. He has touched my life in so many ways and I feel that even though I didn’t get to meet him, I know him on a personal level through his music and dance, and for that I feel like I have lost one of my own. He is a gifted musical genius, wonderful father and beautiful man. Travis, I would like to thank you for being there for me through everything. My love for you is eternal and though I will not be here physically, spiritually I am forever with you
- Love AJ
When Travis finishes the letter there is not a dry eye in the room. Everyone gets up and claps as he stands and looks out to the sea of faces. As the tears finally fall he looks up and smiles knowing that Ashley is with him the whole time. The dark skin teen takes a bow then walks off stage proud that he told his boyfriend’s story, and that it touches other people. He also hopes that it gives the people here today a little more insight into people’s love for Michael Jackson. Upon his exit a selection of Michael Jackson songs began to play.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you Wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
- Man in the mirror (Bad)
Heal the world, make it a better place
For you and for me, and the entire human race
There are people dying if you care enough for the living
So make a better place for you and for me
- Heal the world (Dangerous)
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
it’s been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I've never known...
- Childhood (History)
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