Ok let’s get this blog update started. It’s now [13] days left until my return. It’s funny I came out to find myself, and to help my relationship, and all other things. By the end of it I’m no longer in a relationship, a friendship of ten years ends in chaos [ongoing by the way] there is perhaps tension amongst me and few people so on, and so on. I know I will get quite a lot of “I told you so” Don’t worry I’ve come prepared I got my box and for each I told you so I will fold it neatly and place it in there. I honestly thought this trip was going to help me and a lot of things personally. Like I said though I never came here to “RUN” away from my problems, I came here hoping to clear my mind and soul and return in a better frame of mind to face the problems I had left behind. It’s quite daunting I feel when I left I left behind bits of rubble, some cliffs eroding here and there, two, almost three months later I come back and an entire cliff has fallen, and now it’s just an even bigger mess. You get what I’m trying to say? I might have turned the little problems into big problems.
I need to give a shout out to my boy Michael Jackson who is always there for me, looking out for me. So I posted on Facebook that I was in deep depression, on the verge of suicide due to loosing my life I.E. my IPod. And I need to explain it wasn’t so much depression because I lost my IPod and I got a couple weeks left on this island no. This was me depressed because I was thinking ahead to when I come home, that long eight hour flight. For people who know me, know that I live for music twenty four seven. I eat, sleep, drink, breathe and occasionally make sweet L.O.V.E. to the sound of music [Inserts embarrass look here] and so I was depressed deeply about how I was going to survive. You think I joke I thought crazily. Perhaps I should just extend my stay. See what thinking irrationally does to you. Like prolonging the inevitable was going to make things any better for myself. Perhaps that thought alarmed Michael and he thought “Oh no! This cannot happen. Keisha must return home soon”
And so a week later I received a phone call from a lady who I went out with last week. With her friend, my aunty and her brother, she was like “I been trying to get hold of you for a couple days” Well no she didn’t say that exact she said I been trying to call you today or something. That was my little homage to Michael. The part one of the phone conversation for those who has listened to it knows what I mean. So quick thing some phone conversations Michael had with a friend were leaked on the net and whilst on YouTube, Tubing away I came across them. The others are a little more personal and sad, but part one is pure jokes. He all exposes how his father called him on Father’s day asking for half a million. Then he did a funny imitation of his father. Then he talked about his dogs which was just the cutest thing ever, mind you he said girl, a couple of times. And you know what I am talking about right? When you hanging with your girls and you telling a story and you be all like “And girl, let me tell you” When he dropped the G word honestly my heart danced and it was like “Oh my god, I love you” Seriously just when I thought I could not fall in love with him anymore than I am, I watch something old, or new, listen to something and it’s like It’s the falling in love all over again. Ok, so had to get that off my chest, back to the story.
[Added bit: Whilst posted and reading I forget the best part of the conversation, the end. So Michael has this lady nurse friend called Cathy and something about Randy called her ... [OMG need to tell you so I was adding this bit and suddenly came time to spelling to this one word which I haven’t written in a while. So I’m all there writing it down, this way, that way and I’m thinking hold up I should know this word, so after about two minutes I thought hell no, I going Google] Prejudice [That was the word] Anyway back to story. So yeah Randy was calling her that because she talking about she will never lay down with a white man because their manhood’s just too pink and red and their veins show. The way he was explaining to his friend about the nurse lady was too much jokes. And then he killed it at the end. He all telling his friend the process of what Cathy has to do to some of these old men, talking about “ she said she has to jerk it up and twine it and stuff” And his little cute laugh between sentences just melted my heart even more, and re built it each time getting bigger and bigger for him.
After she told me what happened I was jumping for joy down the phone, and just thanking her and the person who found it. Last week I was meant to go somewhere with my aunt but a little problem and we had to turn back and come home. And so we stopped off at a café in the middle of nowhere. We got some food, and then moved on to the drinks, my favourite. My aunt’s brother brought me a small bottle of vodka and I got to have it all to myself [inserts smile here] At first he was trying to be a responsible adult “You not having no alcoholic drink you too young” I looked the man in the eye and I said “I twenty one, and I can have a drink if I want too” He cut his eye after, said I was facety, disappeared and came back with half a bottle of vodka for me. He smiled at me, I smile at him. After a while he gave me a new name [21] and I gave him a new name [Sir] it was quite jokes he was giving me jokes, talking about his life and St Vincent is fucking horrid but I love it here. Then he was chatting about how all the girl love him wherever he goes [inserts laughter here]
[Special shouts out to my mummy, operation went well and now she is just relaxing and recovering at home. Daddy looking after her, always comforting to know I got my parent’s here and their looking after one another. Sending lots of L.O.V.E. their way and my family, sister and my boys miss my boys so much and all others]
[Secondly Mr Baker yes you! You too funny boy! Loving the blog update as always, loved the mentioning of my boy Michael J. Jackson. Soon come bro, [13] days now and then months will pass and June will be here, me, you Tinkerbell and Mr Lewis. Aw for real I need to see little prince Jr. I remember actually seeing him last year for his birthday chubby cute little thing, fast forward New Year I come into my house and I see this handsome little boy I was like “Rass this little prince Jr. Grown up a piece and lost all the baby fat. He looks too cute! Yes we all link up soon, and don’t forget if you wanting to give to charity, you can donate to the Just Keisha, hand me down foundation L.O.V.E.]
[Sending love to my extended family Tinkerbell, Mama J, Hayley Boo, Tayla, Paul, Terri & Nana J, missing you all too much, and I can’t wait to see you all upon my return. After I have kicked it, and chilled at home getting familiar again, I’m coming to Kensington come kick it with you lot. L.O.V.E]
Ok I need to admit I know I said that I was withdrawing from Operation M.O.R.R.I.S. but today was the most enjoyable day ever, today I was on duty and I do not know what possessed me but I created even more B.S. and twists to the operation. Oh my god! I was giving myself so many jokes. By the way mum, dad, Morris [See how bad I carry on now? Not even calling the first name. Strictly Government] said she will be dropping of Tinkerbell’s canvas, book and House party film, as well as my £30 which the quote “clucking tramp” owed me from two thousand and fucking eight, could even be seven.
Whilst I am doing this update, I am also working on the exclusive interview part two which will feature Tinkerbell J. Jackson’s Q&A’s. I was thinking I may even branch out more take it to the Michael J. J. community and get some people’s thoughts on anyone who has encountered with Morris, etc.
I finally got my TII DVD. So very happy about that, a few people may have been piece vex with me about the way I carried on. But I’m going to drop it Black & White. When it comes to me and my boy Michael J. Jackson, please oh please do not ramp. It’s very simple. So I asked the person who was getting it for me, have you gotten it for me yet, and I kept asking repeatedly. Ok so perhaps on my part I could have said how are you? Instead of just jumping straight to the question, I realized I could have done better. But once I corrected myself and did that, the person wasn’t responsive; fair enough I left it at that.
Two, two now I got a call on Skype and surprise it was one of my friend said Hey, got the talking, etc. So then she turned the video and I see my cousin. Things bit tense still. So I don’t even know how but I think I started first by asking have you ordered my dvd? No response, and so I asked again, still nothing. So I started to raise my voice and was just like “I just want to know if you have my dvd or not!” Then I think my friend said something and I was almost about to leave and then I think they were shocked that if they did not give me a straight answer I was going to log off. The thing is I know I am going to get it one way or another but when I have been waiting for it for so long, I don’t have the patience for games, just tell me either you ordered it and it’s come, or you haven’t ordered it, to end the story my friend told me she ordered it but it hasn’t come yet/
THANK YOU! Needless to say my friend wasn’t pleased with my behaviour and told my mother [inserts giggle here] Sorry it’s just please don’t play. She tries telling my mum about my behaviour but even mummy dearest said when it comes to Michael …” I did send a thank you to my cousin who was/is still vex at me, understandable.
I’ve now decided I will be attending college proper no B.S. next year. This year is strictly the year for getting a part time job again, saving [hopefully another attempt at trying to, and I do it successfully] and just getting myself back in the gist of things and focused a little more. I know my career at last, writer and I will be looking in the mean time for short courses which I could do in my spare time which can further help me.
I saw Michael tonight he was shining brightly outside my bedroom window. Until I am re united with my life [Mrs IPod] I have found comfort in beautiful therapeutic music. The sound of waves, crickets, horns, native music and so forth, infact it is what I am listening to now as I am closing on this blog update.
Boy time to hit my bed eye lids closing on me. Thanks
- Just Keisha
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Quick Update .. literally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiH0ke5TFTM
JJ- CONTROL
hehe' someone dedicated this to me, as my anthem.
It's all about Keisha taking control hehe
You know who you are lolll, thank yu <3 <3 <3
Count down still continues I now have [15] days left until my return. Today was an enjoyable day as I attended my first cricket match. Now I am not a cricket fan, to be honest I find it boring but once I got some food in my stomach, and a horn I was definitely in the mood. I felt like a local, making pure noise in people’s ears. The West Indies won 165 runs to 160-1 by Zimbabwe.
So it seems I am finally deciding on my own accord to take a look at that WOman in the mirror and make that change. First order of business is to cut down my time on the Internet. Truthfully I know I’m an addict but since last year I have become obsessed with Facebook having to go on it every day. So I sent my last message and will try to go cold turkey. I will probably just go on to do a status update every now and then.
I told Tinkerbell operation for me I am withdrawing from. I’ve got all the evidence I wanted, and now it’s time for my closure. This operation can be gone now, and when I return me and Tinkerbell will have a chat about whether or not we want to confront M.O.R.R.I.S. perhaps I shouldn't’t even type it like that. As it’s a reference to Michael’s L.O.V.E. and she is far from his true, and genuine from the heart L.O.V.E. so we will just say Morris.
Tomorrow my mummy is going in for an operation. Mims sending lots of L.O.V.E. your way, for a successful operation, daddy for real, look after Mims.
Like I spoke about in my status it looks like a very personal defining year for me. With the last eight months and now it’s lead to me to this point in my life. I said I was going to explain about Michael’s personal message but perhaps in another blog update as I will need enough sleep, and plenty concentration as it’s quite deep and long.
So my schedule is pretty busy for the next couple of months. Upon my return home it’s of course settling back in that first week, becoming familiar again. Of course most definitely after my first day back to the gym. The diet has been good out here, now the real work to get back to my size eight begins when I return. Mum said if I get a job, or find a course I like for my twenty second birthday I can have my first Michael Jackson outfit. And for me personally I want to look MICHAELICIOUS when I put on that outfit. So that is my new motivation in losing some weight. Of course as well I will be helping out more around the house, cooking, cleaning. It will definitely take time but I will get there Mims :-)
Yes starting from tomorrow I will be job hunting, and looking at courses. It’s about making that change now. I already explained to my mum that I will be looking at options now. I am twenty one. Time to get my name on the list, and see what offers come my way. I feel comfort is what is holding me back, knowing that people are there for me. So I feel like I don’t have to do anything. But much too popular belief I don’t like being a drifter [and that was given to me by my aunty pat whilst she was here for ten days]
So in my own time, and I will do it, because I want to. I will look upon PART TIME work, and options for courses.
After my first week back I am off to my sister’s for the week or two to babysit my boys Tre’ and Taylor. I miss all my boys, but Taylor I miss the most. I have been keeping in touch with Tre and Taylor through Skype. I can’t wait to get back to them.
Then after that, well see the thing is I am hoping that April is the month I can just sort out things, whilst keeping on track, job hunting, courses, etc but just have April to settle in. After my sister’s I am off to my girl’s house Tinkerbell for a week, or two. Though we have been keeping in touch through the net, it is not the same. In the last blog I am sure I mentioned we both decided to be friends, but upon my return I am off to spend some quality time with her as we both want to sit down and really talk. Whether we want to try again, or just remain real good friends. At the moment she doing her own little part time, and will soon be doing a voluntary thing for some magazine. Lucky Btch loll
Oh yes shout out to my bro Black Prince. Who is recovering from being ill by Prince Jr. My bro will be down in June spend some time with his Lnt Keke and his sister in Law Tinkerbell Jackson hehe <3 it.
This is quite different from my other blogs; normally I take forever in doing a blog update but I guess I can call this my twitter blog. You know it’s quick and straight forward. An outline of what I hope to do upon my return, this and that, that and this.
Though I hate to admit it I am twenty one. I will not say the A word because I do despise it, but I am grown up and I have to make grown up decisions and thanks to a special someone in my life they know who they are, I can suddenly see a future again. It’s not quite as visible and concrete prior to eight months ago but it is there again.
So thanks for reading, quick update to which I am sure some are thankful for loll. Forever with Michael on my mind, and in my heart permanently, and the people I truly L.O.V.E. you know who you are, watch as I, in my own time eventually get back up on my feet, and do what I want to do, for me, for you, for Michael and the entire human race.
kjet
JJ- CONTROL
hehe' someone dedicated this to me, as my anthem.
It's all about Keisha taking control hehe
You know who you are lolll, thank yu <3 <3 <3
Count down still continues I now have [15] days left until my return. Today was an enjoyable day as I attended my first cricket match. Now I am not a cricket fan, to be honest I find it boring but once I got some food in my stomach, and a horn I was definitely in the mood. I felt like a local, making pure noise in people’s ears. The West Indies won 165 runs to 160-1 by Zimbabwe.
So it seems I am finally deciding on my own accord to take a look at that WOman in the mirror and make that change. First order of business is to cut down my time on the Internet. Truthfully I know I’m an addict but since last year I have become obsessed with Facebook having to go on it every day. So I sent my last message and will try to go cold turkey. I will probably just go on to do a status update every now and then.
I told Tinkerbell operation for me I am withdrawing from. I’ve got all the evidence I wanted, and now it’s time for my closure. This operation can be gone now, and when I return me and Tinkerbell will have a chat about whether or not we want to confront M.O.R.R.I.S. perhaps I shouldn't’t even type it like that. As it’s a reference to Michael’s L.O.V.E. and she is far from his true, and genuine from the heart L.O.V.E. so we will just say Morris.
Tomorrow my mummy is going in for an operation. Mims sending lots of L.O.V.E. your way, for a successful operation, daddy for real, look after Mims.
Like I spoke about in my status it looks like a very personal defining year for me. With the last eight months and now it’s lead to me to this point in my life. I said I was going to explain about Michael’s personal message but perhaps in another blog update as I will need enough sleep, and plenty concentration as it’s quite deep and long.
So my schedule is pretty busy for the next couple of months. Upon my return home it’s of course settling back in that first week, becoming familiar again. Of course most definitely after my first day back to the gym. The diet has been good out here, now the real work to get back to my size eight begins when I return. Mum said if I get a job, or find a course I like for my twenty second birthday I can have my first Michael Jackson outfit. And for me personally I want to look MICHAELICIOUS when I put on that outfit. So that is my new motivation in losing some weight. Of course as well I will be helping out more around the house, cooking, cleaning. It will definitely take time but I will get there Mims :-)
Yes starting from tomorrow I will be job hunting, and looking at courses. It’s about making that change now. I already explained to my mum that I will be looking at options now. I am twenty one. Time to get my name on the list, and see what offers come my way. I feel comfort is what is holding me back, knowing that people are there for me. So I feel like I don’t have to do anything. But much too popular belief I don’t like being a drifter [and that was given to me by my aunty pat whilst she was here for ten days]
So in my own time, and I will do it, because I want to. I will look upon PART TIME work, and options for courses.
After my first week back I am off to my sister’s for the week or two to babysit my boys Tre’ and Taylor. I miss all my boys, but Taylor I miss the most. I have been keeping in touch with Tre and Taylor through Skype. I can’t wait to get back to them.
Then after that, well see the thing is I am hoping that April is the month I can just sort out things, whilst keeping on track, job hunting, courses, etc but just have April to settle in. After my sister’s I am off to my girl’s house Tinkerbell for a week, or two. Though we have been keeping in touch through the net, it is not the same. In the last blog I am sure I mentioned we both decided to be friends, but upon my return I am off to spend some quality time with her as we both want to sit down and really talk. Whether we want to try again, or just remain real good friends. At the moment she doing her own little part time, and will soon be doing a voluntary thing for some magazine. Lucky Btch loll
Oh yes shout out to my bro Black Prince. Who is recovering from being ill by Prince Jr. My bro will be down in June spend some time with his Lnt Keke and his sister in Law Tinkerbell Jackson hehe <3 it.
This is quite different from my other blogs; normally I take forever in doing a blog update but I guess I can call this my twitter blog. You know it’s quick and straight forward. An outline of what I hope to do upon my return, this and that, that and this.
Though I hate to admit it I am twenty one. I will not say the A word because I do despise it, but I am grown up and I have to make grown up decisions and thanks to a special someone in my life they know who they are, I can suddenly see a future again. It’s not quite as visible and concrete prior to eight months ago but it is there again.
So thanks for reading, quick update to which I am sure some are thankful for loll. Forever with Michael on my mind, and in my heart permanently, and the people I truly L.O.V.E. you know who you are, watch as I, in my own time eventually get back up on my feet, and do what I want to do, for me, for you, for Michael and the entire human race.
kjet
Saturday, 6 March 2010
[23 days left ...]
Twenty five days left. And what do I have to show for this experience? Today is a hard day. Today marks one year since Michael’s press conference at the 02. Has it really been a year already? Time sure does fly, unfortunately for me whilst a majority of the world has found a way to move with time I am still stuck in two thousand and nine. I am still waiting for July thirteenth, sixteenth and twenty second so I can get to fulfil one of my dreams, seeing the KING live. I am still waiting for the day when he, or someone from his camp makes a global announcement Michael is still here.
What did I come out here for? It was to get back on track with my diet and exercise, have some ME time to just deal with the last eight months and find a way to get back up on my feet. To be honest I set my expectations too high and I am sure for a lot of you, you probably expected too much as well. When I come back I will not be a changed person as such. If anything this trip has made me face what happened in June, and now suddenly I find myself re-acquainted with my feelings more and more. You remember when I would frequently air my fears about not being able to feel and that I am scared case I stay like this forever?
I guess right now it is still split down the middle. Whilst I am aware that I will not be an alcoholic and have to depend on alcohol to feel, I do realize that apart of me has gone. It went June twenty fifth and to be honest I really don’t see it coming back, unless one miracle occurs during the remainder of my lifetime. A girl came into my life eight months ago and thanks to her I regained feeling. From being in a relationship I had to go through a lot of emotions, happy, sad, angry, upset and then emotions, feelings which I never knew existed I experienced. So I do thank her a great deal as being in a relationship opened me up, and then coming out here I was exposed fully.
I had not been to church in over nine to ten months and I remember the first week I was out here I went. Honestly could I have had more of a reality check than that? I put on my Michael necklaces which were gifts to me from my partner, my Michael top and I rolled to church representing Michael Jackson. My grandma wasn’t best pleased and perhaps the people in the church weren’t either, but I didn’t really care. I mean as long as I dress respectfully should be no problem.
And I don’t know about anyone else but every time I go church 9/10 times guarantee that what occurred in the past week of my life comes up in church. Like I remember last year March/April I was going through some drama with my brother and in church the pastor was talking about being able to let go, and love, open lines of communications whether it be a best friend, family member or your partner. Fast forward eight months later I’m in Saint Vincent in church and every passage, every hymn was about Jesus being crucified and that he died for our sins, and that people judged him unfairly, and this and that.
One of my problems is that to anyone, family, friend, or whoever... is that I don’t truly open up and say what I really feel. Like I will tell you something and it’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. I have a problem with opening up fully to a lot of people. Take for instance excluding the last eight months only a few selection of people truly knew how deep my love for him was, and still is.
I have always looked upon Michael as more than an entertainer, to me he is one of my best friends. I also look upon him as this special being, in the same light as God and his son. I’m sure a lot of people will be up in arms about it. But this is apart of me making that change, looking at the man in the mirror and showing people the real me. Michael Jackson, was, is, and will always remain a big part of my life and nothing will ever change that.
So yes! As I was saying I spoke to my mother that day and my partner and I told them how church was very emotional for me. It was like everything I was avoiding suddenly came to the forefront of my mind and the reality of last summer sunk in a little, and every time we would sing when it came to God, or Jesus Christ I changed the words to Michael Jackson. It was so difficult my eyes welled up. I did a damn good job at holding it in though. I looked to my surroundings joyful faces, singing loud and proudly, then to me clutching my Michael necklaces, whispering the words to the songs and almost on the verge of crying.
The next night it was like De Ja Vu all over again. The god honest truth never have I been, or at least can recall, tested emotionally to my limit than these past eight months. A little break in what I am talking about.
I am sure a lot have also been disappointed I haven’t kept up with the updates. To be honest I haven’t been in the mood and two since my last one where I broke the silence on a former friend, which drained me completely. Just the thought of her is draining. At the moment I’m kind of going through a rebirth. Out here I’ve stripped myself of everything that I thought I was and I want to start new. It’s going to take a long time but eventually I do want to emerge as a new person. At the moment I have a friend who is giving me an earful, telling me about myself [I laugh now, but when under their tongue lashing its quite brutal. They say they do it out of love though, so I guess it’s ok to a certain extent. But perhaps a little easy on the rinsing me out. But I love and care for them dearly and friendships is all about being there for one another, and being able to be real with them and tell them things they may not like to hear so thank you]
[Currently the internet is down and I am going I.N.S.A.N.E. I have a problem I am a net junkie. It is something I hope to get help with. I also have another problem, well to you all it may be a problem to me it’s not. I have Michael Jackson obsessive Disorder. I’m actually quite proud to be diagnosed with that, and it is certainly something which I WILL NOT get help for. L.O.V.E. man, L.O.V.E]
I’ve ventured off on a few topics that I can’t remember the point of this blog update [inserts giggle here] It’s actually been a couple of days now since I started my blog. See that is my problem I start, and then I stop. And then I stop completely to the point where it’s unfinished or those rare occasions if I find that re motivation I finish.
Currently is it 11.40pm I look out the window and there is my boy Michael shining down on me. Many blessings man. Yesterday morning I woke up in the most beautiful of moods I had the most amazing dream and of course had to put it as my status. I dreamed about Michael, aw it was too cute. Like it was round about the Thriller days and I was at the Encino house and Michael, his brothers and sisters were playing some games. I woke up, and that dream set me up for the day as I was in a real good mood through-out. I re discovered my love for Techno & Trance music. Been listening to both genres and Michael Jackson all day long, to be honest I have left it so long I honestly can’t remember the point of this blog.
Little updates.
A couple of weeks ago I broke up from my girlfriend [inserts sad face] I will not get into great detail but I will say at the time for both of us perhaps it wasn’t the right time to be making such a commitment. At this moment we are working towards remaining good friends and who knows for the future.
Now its twenty three days left and then I return home. I am telling you some changes will be going on when I return. I hope to change for the better, for myself and for the people around me. I hope to gain more control on my life. I do realize I am an adult now [that pains me to say hehe] And as an adult I am responsible for myself, should be able to make decisions for myself whether right or wrong and be able to learn from them and grow. I’ve got quite a few things to sort out, job, money, my relationship amongst others. I definitely hope by September I would have a part time job, and go college, or a semi full time but not quite full time job. I’m sorry Keisha just can’t seem to do full time, and so Keisha will try very hard to find a perfect part time.
So I ask my people just bare with me as Keisha does Keisha, you know I take forever but sometimes 7/10 I do get there in the end.
[There is a next blog update, which I’ve been working on for ever; it may make an appearance soon]
What did I come out here for? It was to get back on track with my diet and exercise, have some ME time to just deal with the last eight months and find a way to get back up on my feet. To be honest I set my expectations too high and I am sure for a lot of you, you probably expected too much as well. When I come back I will not be a changed person as such. If anything this trip has made me face what happened in June, and now suddenly I find myself re-acquainted with my feelings more and more. You remember when I would frequently air my fears about not being able to feel and that I am scared case I stay like this forever?
I guess right now it is still split down the middle. Whilst I am aware that I will not be an alcoholic and have to depend on alcohol to feel, I do realize that apart of me has gone. It went June twenty fifth and to be honest I really don’t see it coming back, unless one miracle occurs during the remainder of my lifetime. A girl came into my life eight months ago and thanks to her I regained feeling. From being in a relationship I had to go through a lot of emotions, happy, sad, angry, upset and then emotions, feelings which I never knew existed I experienced. So I do thank her a great deal as being in a relationship opened me up, and then coming out here I was exposed fully.
I had not been to church in over nine to ten months and I remember the first week I was out here I went. Honestly could I have had more of a reality check than that? I put on my Michael necklaces which were gifts to me from my partner, my Michael top and I rolled to church representing Michael Jackson. My grandma wasn’t best pleased and perhaps the people in the church weren’t either, but I didn’t really care. I mean as long as I dress respectfully should be no problem.
And I don’t know about anyone else but every time I go church 9/10 times guarantee that what occurred in the past week of my life comes up in church. Like I remember last year March/April I was going through some drama with my brother and in church the pastor was talking about being able to let go, and love, open lines of communications whether it be a best friend, family member or your partner. Fast forward eight months later I’m in Saint Vincent in church and every passage, every hymn was about Jesus being crucified and that he died for our sins, and that people judged him unfairly, and this and that.
One of my problems is that to anyone, family, friend, or whoever... is that I don’t truly open up and say what I really feel. Like I will tell you something and it’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. I have a problem with opening up fully to a lot of people. Take for instance excluding the last eight months only a few selection of people truly knew how deep my love for him was, and still is.
I have always looked upon Michael as more than an entertainer, to me he is one of my best friends. I also look upon him as this special being, in the same light as God and his son. I’m sure a lot of people will be up in arms about it. But this is apart of me making that change, looking at the man in the mirror and showing people the real me. Michael Jackson, was, is, and will always remain a big part of my life and nothing will ever change that.
So yes! As I was saying I spoke to my mother that day and my partner and I told them how church was very emotional for me. It was like everything I was avoiding suddenly came to the forefront of my mind and the reality of last summer sunk in a little, and every time we would sing when it came to God, or Jesus Christ I changed the words to Michael Jackson. It was so difficult my eyes welled up. I did a damn good job at holding it in though. I looked to my surroundings joyful faces, singing loud and proudly, then to me clutching my Michael necklaces, whispering the words to the songs and almost on the verge of crying.
The next night it was like De Ja Vu all over again. The god honest truth never have I been, or at least can recall, tested emotionally to my limit than these past eight months. A little break in what I am talking about.
I am sure a lot have also been disappointed I haven’t kept up with the updates. To be honest I haven’t been in the mood and two since my last one where I broke the silence on a former friend, which drained me completely. Just the thought of her is draining. At the moment I’m kind of going through a rebirth. Out here I’ve stripped myself of everything that I thought I was and I want to start new. It’s going to take a long time but eventually I do want to emerge as a new person. At the moment I have a friend who is giving me an earful, telling me about myself [I laugh now, but when under their tongue lashing its quite brutal. They say they do it out of love though, so I guess it’s ok to a certain extent. But perhaps a little easy on the rinsing me out. But I love and care for them dearly and friendships is all about being there for one another, and being able to be real with them and tell them things they may not like to hear so thank you]
[Currently the internet is down and I am going I.N.S.A.N.E. I have a problem I am a net junkie. It is something I hope to get help with. I also have another problem, well to you all it may be a problem to me it’s not. I have Michael Jackson obsessive Disorder. I’m actually quite proud to be diagnosed with that, and it is certainly something which I WILL NOT get help for. L.O.V.E. man, L.O.V.E]
I’ve ventured off on a few topics that I can’t remember the point of this blog update [inserts giggle here] It’s actually been a couple of days now since I started my blog. See that is my problem I start, and then I stop. And then I stop completely to the point where it’s unfinished or those rare occasions if I find that re motivation I finish.
Currently is it 11.40pm I look out the window and there is my boy Michael shining down on me. Many blessings man. Yesterday morning I woke up in the most beautiful of moods I had the most amazing dream and of course had to put it as my status. I dreamed about Michael, aw it was too cute. Like it was round about the Thriller days and I was at the Encino house and Michael, his brothers and sisters were playing some games. I woke up, and that dream set me up for the day as I was in a real good mood through-out. I re discovered my love for Techno & Trance music. Been listening to both genres and Michael Jackson all day long, to be honest I have left it so long I honestly can’t remember the point of this blog.
Little updates.
A couple of weeks ago I broke up from my girlfriend [inserts sad face] I will not get into great detail but I will say at the time for both of us perhaps it wasn’t the right time to be making such a commitment. At this moment we are working towards remaining good friends and who knows for the future.
Now its twenty three days left and then I return home. I am telling you some changes will be going on when I return. I hope to change for the better, for myself and for the people around me. I hope to gain more control on my life. I do realize I am an adult now [that pains me to say hehe] And as an adult I am responsible for myself, should be able to make decisions for myself whether right or wrong and be able to learn from them and grow. I’ve got quite a few things to sort out, job, money, my relationship amongst others. I definitely hope by September I would have a part time job, and go college, or a semi full time but not quite full time job. I’m sorry Keisha just can’t seem to do full time, and so Keisha will try very hard to find a perfect part time.
So I ask my people just bare with me as Keisha does Keisha, you know I take forever but sometimes 7/10 I do get there in the end.
[There is a next blog update, which I’ve been working on for ever; it may make an appearance soon]
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
LA TIMES Exclusive: KEISHA JACKSON ELLIS-TAYLOR BREAKS THE SILENCE
Note from the author: What I love so much about creativity is that there are no limitations. And with me and my dreamy state of mind it makes for the perfect couple. So instead of just taking a real life situation and giving it to you black and white, I am going to present it to you in colour, and paint pretty pictures and just, well, let my creative vision flow.
NEWS EXCLUSIVE
KEISHA SPEAKS OUT
“TEN YEARS OF B.S, NOW I WALK FREE”
A small group from LA Times have flown in to London, England to get the world exclusive from Keisha Jackson Ellis-Taylor on the breakdown of a friendship and life. They flew in this morning and are now heading to South Kensington. Keisha at aged twenty one lives with her girlfriend Tinkerbell twenty three. Since we last saw her she finally published her first book titled “You are not alone” which became a number one best seller in four different countries. Keisha just finished her tour of America and is now back at home working on her second book. Her partner is CEO of the official and largest Michael Jackson store which is based in LA. Since its opening in two thousand and five, it has gone on to make debuts in countries over the globe, a total of one hundred and fifty stores worldwide. After touching down in Heathrow airport a carrier awaited the crew and within an hour they arrived at The Jackson Ellis-Taylor household after ten am. Located in south Kensington their home a six bed, two reception, large kitchen diner with the most amazing view from their master bedroom.
They pull up and within minutes the gates open up for them to drive through. They parked just outside the front door. And there with baby Coco Puff in her arms is Keisha with shoulder length curls, wearing a tank top with combat shorts and slippers, the baby dressed the same. After introductions and a tour of the home, they all went into the backyard. The crew set up and the interview began.
[Continued ...]
Rp1: We will get to the other topics but one big topic is the fallout between you and a friend of ten years, what happened?
Keisha: Shamiya and I had been friends for close to ten years. It was through a mutual love for Michael where we came together. And how you say the rest is history.
Rp1: In an interview with her she said you two had also went to the same primary and secondary school?
Keisha: Yes that is correct we did go to the same schools but our paths never crossed until secondary school. And from there it just grew day by day.
Rp1: Explain the school days, what was it like?
Keisha: Honestly some of the best days of my life. Like it was literally me, Shamiya and Michael [laughs] everyone knew she and I as the Michael fanatics, but more so her because she would dress like him, act like him, sing and dance. I was more so on the quieter side. We had a few lessons together. I.T. was one of them. You can bet every lesson it was all things Michael Jackson.
Rp1: So this relationship between you and her was really special?
Keisha: It was. I had some amazing times. She and I went to events, launch parties here and there. I remember we would be there day in and day out dreaming, fantasizing about the day we would both meet him, and through time get to know him and eventually live with him hehe. It was a fantasy world we was truly living in but meeting Michael, becoming friends and then living with him didn’t seem to impossible you know.
Rp1: Is it true that your parents bit their tongue every time she came around?
Keisha: [laughs] yes. And to be honest after a certain amount of time I did too. My parents especially my father had a strong dislike towards her. Always calling her “crazy friend or long belly friend” [giggles]
Rp1: Long belly?
Keisha: So let me explain that. Whenever she would come to my house, ten times out of ten within the first five minutes she would always ball that she hungry. And at first I didn’t mind getting her food, but when she came over a lot and was always asking for food it got a little annoying. She could no longer help herself. I had to go down and get food for her. My parent’s were not best pleased always telling me off for her always coming to my house with an empty stomach. My dad would always say “She just come from home! Rass, always come to my yard hungry. So what she nahr eat when she dey home?”
Rp1: When you would go to hers, were you the same?
Keisha: Hell no! You honestly think I could go to a friend’s yard twenty four seven and eat them out of fridge and freezer? And besides if I am to be honest. She hardly offered me food. And I never asked her, I don’t know why. Probably because I saw how she was round mine didn’t want her mum to get the same impression. I was always amazed at how she would come to mine, and ask for food left, right and centre. Yet I go to hers and one, I didn’t ask, but two she hardly offered. The most she would ask to get me is a drink. And what made it worst is that she would have me sitting there and she would come in with her own food yam in front of me whilst I there hungry. I soon realized that I would have to come with a full belly when I go to hers hehe.
Rp1: Wow. I couldn’t imagine having a friend over and just not offering them anything. Are you serious?
Keisha: I am being very serious. I mean I can count on one hand, maybe two doubt it though, the amount of times she has offered me food whilst at her house. For me now, well I lost count [laughs]
Rp1: Tell us what your dad would sometimes do when she was over?
Keisha: Oh man! Ok so I had my own computer in my bedroom, and whenever she would come round she would literally sit on my computer until gone midnight most of the time. And my dad would get so peed off he would lock off the net. And I remember the first time he did it, I went to him and was like “dad the net is off” He looked at me and smiled, his words “I know, I lock it off” I couldn’t help but laugh at what he did; I mean was it really that bad then? Ha-ha it was crazy because I had to tell her a little lie, the internet has gone down. I mean it’s like my boy MJ who had twist the truth a little about how he didn’t like touring but they wanted him to make it positive. So this is my Michael moment. [Looks to the camera] The internet had gone down, but you know the truth [smiles]
Rp1: So from the sound of it and speaking to a few others they had their reservations about her long before. What was the difference now?
Keisha: A lot of people had their reservations about her. In particular one of my best friend Leahana, before Shamiya and I became friends she was friends with her. One time she slept over Leahana’s house and after the way she carried on; eat her out of home Leahana just went her separate way with her. Through school she was trying to tell me of her ways but I just dismissed them.
It all started to change after June. And it was like, I don’t know about her, but for me I felt the relationship change because suddenly what was the focal point between us being Michael, it no longer was. So the phone calls cut down, or the amount of time we spent on the phone shortened. We weren’t around one another’s house as much. And I was beginning to see that take away MJ and we didn’t really have much more in common. Through the last seven months we’ve been attending vigils and we have both met some amazing people who I consider an extension to my family now.
One person in particular her name is Tinkerbell. She saw me at an event; a few days later she added me on Facebook and then from there we began to talk and talk and talk. It was so easy to talk to her and we jut became best friends and then eventually girlfriends. I think after a month I introduced her to Shamiya and they hit it off. Just like Tinkerbell and I, she and Shamiya connected and it soon became a close knit group of people because through more connections we befriended this girl called Michelle, and Tinkerbell’s sister Sherry.
Rp1: Speaking of Michelle. She and Shamiya were really close. You always saw them at events and then something happened and the friendship was tarnished.
Keisha: Yeah they were so close, they became inseparable at times. It was our very own Janet and Michael. We were at Tinkerbell’s mum’s house and Michelle made the announcement that Sky1 are planning to do a show where they will try and get in contact with MJ’s spirit. Long story short she said we will each receive a phone call over the next week or so. In the end it was only Michelle who went onto do it with others. I remember it was me, Tinkerbell and Shamiya at Jenny’s [Tinkerbell’s mum] house and we watched it. And afterwards it was like we were in a state of two minds. We felt that the questions asked wasn’t enough and we got frustrated talking about if we was on there, blah, blah. And it wasn’t until Michelle told us there were a few legal issues and that they couldn’t ask certain questions. So anyway that was done, and of course we sent love and support to Michelle whether it was the same day, or a day or two after.
We was all at Tinkerbell’s flat on a high of MJ love, and madness when I received a message from Michelle I can’t remember if it was by phone or mail. I think it was by mail, and it threw us off completely. Because Michelle was bad mouthing Shamiya, and we couldn’t for the life of us figure out why. Now Michelle has a mouth on her, just like with those gay men. Piss them off and they will tear you up, well Michelle let loose calling her a Bitch, ignorant, selfish and was just really being horrible towards her. When we called her up she explained it was because all her other friends wrote to her, or called showing support but what does she go and do, rant about if I was there, or bad mouth the show and stuff. You are probably confused, but it was when either Michelle called us earlier Saturday morning, or it was us who called her. She and Shamiya spoke for ages and I guess as the day wore on Michelle didn’t like the way she spoke.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Tinkerbell and I were very confused and couldn’t believe that she would say all these things about her. We had to console her because she was an emotional wreck. I don’t think she slept. Next morning I think we all went round to Jenny’s house and explained what happened. Blah, blah, it must have taken a week for us to persuade Shamiya to contact Michelle. No matter how much we talked to Michelle she was set in her ways. Wow! if I could only tell you how deep she got, she literally rinsed Shamiya out. So finally she called her on her own time and they both sorted it out. But I don’t think it was ever the same again.
Rp1: Would you say the way she is today, is partly your fault?
Keisha: Yes, because I made her head even bigger than it is and her ego too. She would always say she is my Michael and I am her Liz Taylor, or that if she went from my life that would be the end, I wouldn’t survive. I need her in my life. She not only said it to me throughout the years but others too. And I guess like a fool, or shall we say puppet. It’s one of those things you hear something over and over and over and over you believe it.
Rp1: What happened between Tinkerbell’s family and her?
Keisha: So throughout these last six months it has been very difficult, and Tinkerbell’s mum Jenny, along with the rest of the family have been very supportive towards Shamiya and I. It was literally that we became apart of the family and like a mother would do, feed us, buy things for us, etc. And so it was around Christmas time and Shamiya was all talk about how she got a job which is paying her a lot of money and that she had all these presents she was going to buy for us. Now for me I was on JSA and couldn’t afford much but the main priority was making sure I got a present for my mum, my boys and Jenny. It came to Christmas I went over to Jenny’s house and was showered with all these wonderful gifts. Of course I showed my appreciation I thanked everyone who brought me gifts, etc.
That was that, a week later I received a message from Tinkerbell telling me how her mum is upset with how Shamiya is behaving. And not just the mother, all of them including Tinkerbell. This was a great shock to me, because I thought everything was fine.
Rp1: So what was everyone upset about?
Keisha: The same thing my parent’s complained about. Coming over and not leaving at appropriate times. She was eating a lot of their food whenever she would stay. I heard that she would ask Jenny to make her cups of tea as if Jenny is her servant or something. She talked about having a job and buying everyone presents but come the day she came empty handed, and still to this day she hasn’t given them anything. I mean I understand you can vocally express love to people, but sometimes you can show your love and appreciation in the form of gifts too. I just think it’s out of order for her to not even buy Jenny, TJ (Tinkerbell’s brother) and Tinkerbell a present after they brought her things and was there for her the most during these months.
Not only was she doing that but she was also taking the piss when she would ask Jenny who lives all the way in Kensington to come and pick her up from Lewisham. At first she got on the trains just like I, and went up to Jenny’s. Then all of a sudden just because she got a job now her ass is to royal for public transport. She starts to ask Tinkerbell’s mum if she could come pick her up and drop her back home. And it wasn’t like they lived near one another and it wasn’t like she was offering money for petrol neither. After a while she gets to cosy and suddenly expects this, expects that from people.
Rp1: OMG, not even petrol money and that is quite a journey to and from.
Keisha: Exactly. And so because I was her friend I thought I would write her a letter explaining her actions and how it upset everyone. Now this is where her ignorance came in. Instead of acknowledging and really reading the letter, she goes off on one and is like “oh no one loves me no more; I’m heartbroken,” blah, blah. And the thing is she would was still ignorant to what we were all trying to tell her. She was apologizing and when I asked her to explain why she was, she couldn’t give me a straight answer. And then it was like she was saying I’ve forgiven them. [Stares] For what? I thought it was suppose to be the other way round. And no matter how many times we tried to tell her, she just wasn’t getting it.
Rp1: What happened in the end?
Keisha: Well I tried to defuse the situation which was really starting to escalate. Tried to resolve this online a couple times but it just got nowhere. In fact it seemed to have made the situation worse.
Rp1: So with all this going on, there was more fire added with the ticket, lottery ticket?
Keisha: Yes. Ok so we were all round Jenny’s house when she told us someone brought her a ticket and she won a million pound. Of course at the time we didn’t have any reason not to believe her. We was all excited and thought that finally some of our dreams which she, Tinkerbell and I had dreamed of would finally come true. Here the story now. So she spoke to Jenny and from that she decided to not spend the million, put it in the bank and let it grow. When I spoke to Jenny she said that she told Shamiya that she should not be careless with it and just spend it all in go.
Rp1: I’m not quite getting it grow, and then do what?
Keisha: Buy Neverland
Rp1: Buy Neverland? What, is she serious? That million would probably be the amount just to run it on a yearly basis.
Keisha: She told Jenny and Tinkerbell that she is going to let it grow, so she can buy Neverland which costs seventeen million.
Rp1: [laughs] Ok first off she is kidding herself. Back in the 80’s Michael purchased it for seventeen million. She is delusional if she thinks with all the work he done that it will just cost seventeen mills. She would probably have to save until she is fifty or beyond to even come remotely close to buying his home.
Keisha: Exactly. And I am sure people would say it’s her money and if you look at it probably so. But Tinkerbell and I believe that through our constant prayers to Michael, and the lord that they answered our prayer through her. Now all of a sudden the ‘dream’ has changed. Its true money can be a bad thing and change people.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Well this all happened round about the time I had went away for a few months to clear my mind and regain focus after what happened last summer and of course at the time a little of relationship tension, but during that time it seemed no matter what I said to Shamiya it wasn’t getting through. I guess because I only knew how to talk to her in fairytale lingo I would always sugar coat the truth. And so it went on and on, me and Tinkerbell trying to tell her that she can still save, but not at the expense of sitting on money and watching your family and friends struggle. She said a million isn’t enough. Laugh out loud, a million is more than having - £170 pound in your bank account which is what for the best part of a year it always read. I was also dipping into my overdraft, and Tinkerbell was always forking out money too.
I go round to my girlfriend’s house a lot. And between us though we don’t have much we usually split the cost. She will get the electricity and gas I’ll get the shopping, vice versa but we always provide for another. When ever Shamiya has come over she has not once contributed towards anything. And that use to piss me off. She would talk about having a little bit of money here and there yet she was still expecting US to pay for her.
Rp1: When did you finally decide, this is it?
Keisha: When I finally stopped believing in her web of lies. First I forgot to mention another disgusting act she has committed. Back in March when Michael announced the tour dates, ticket went on sale the following week. Now I remember the moment they told us how to get pre sale tickets my ass texted a few people telling them to sign up and I did the same. Shamiya didn’t even bother too. Her reply was “You’re doing it, so it’s cool” And I remember that day was frantic, I almost died. Long story short I panicked and lost all control and couldn’t get tickets. My sister called me up and saved the day telling me she got four tickets. I was doing a three way with my sister one line, Shamiya the other. We both cried hysterically a dream was about to come true. Later my mum was screwing because she and my aunty had wanted to go, and so they all thought that if she wanted tickets that badly why did she not sign up for the pre sale like the rest of us.
I didn’t think of that at the time but looking back now it’s true. Just like I signed up and told others she should have done the same. Anyway sorry I am going off on tangents. When there is ten years of recollection trust me you will hehe, but anyway so there was this girl called Mandy and Shamiya must have told her she can get her tickets front row for just two hundred pound. So Mandy sent her a cheque, then obviously with June happening I thought Shamiya had devised a plan with Mandy to give the money back
Rp1: What happened next?
Keisha: All now the girl is waiting for her money back. Mandy contacted my girlfriend who was in two minds about what to do, so she called me. I was totally shocked when I heard this, so I confronted Shamiya. She got pissed off with Mandy and Tinkerbell, but she had no right to because Mandy for the past several months had been trying to come up with a plan for her to give the money back and she kept coming up with excuse after excuse. It has gotten to the point now where I thought fcuk it, so I gave Mandy Shamiya’s home address and phone number to take this even further. We all tried to get through to Shamiya and to be honest if she has money I do not know why she is continuing to stall.
Rp1: Wow, when you hear this entirely one question how did you honestly think she was ever like Michael?
Keisha: I do not know to be honest. I guess when she would do some things it reminded me a lot of Michael, how she would act in situations. But then my girlfriend put it greatly she thinks that Shamiya is an actress. She plays a character to everyone. She puts on a show to disguise what she is really like. She wants people to think she’s like Michael, but that is from years of studying him. Nothing she does flows naturally like Michael. It’s all an act. And just hearing her say that it suddenly made sense. Like I would be so amazed at how she could recite every single Disney show and film word for word, expression for expression but hearing Tinkerbell say that it all makes sense. To be honest one of the many annoying things about her was when she would sit me down to watch a film but talk all the way through. Urgh it was so annoying and my girlfriend soon realized this too. God forbid she knew a film word for word it was like our very dictator.
Rp1: What was ultimately the end for you and her?
Keisha: At the time I was on vacation and I was talking to my girlfriend and Shamiya came online. She was all telling me stuff about how she was taking things and the side affects were that she forgot things. Anyway I needed to tell her the truth without sugar coating it, so Tinkerbell and I decided to switch accounts; and so she posed as me and well like watching a programme I was on hers and we was cam to cam. From the moment I said I was back, Shamiya came back swearing for no reason, going off on one. Anyway we got into it, telling her about how she is being selfish, blah blah. It got heated at times. And then finally I said I don’t believe you about the money. That must have shocked her because of course anything she’s told me in the past I’ve took her word for. I also said show me proof that you have a million in the bank. I mean honestly it’s not hard there are ATM machines you can easily go to the bank right, and print a statement, or even with your phone take a picture. Or if that is too dangerous I am sure you can go to online banking scan and send. All I am saying is as your best friend of ten years surely you can show proof right?
Rp1: But she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want too
Keisha: True. And that is very fine but I think that you can show your family and true close friends. I mean she says she won it on the lottery ticket, surely she can show some proof. I mean if that was me, but perhaps it’s just me. I would show my friend and family and of course divide it between them.
Rp1: So where do we go from here?
Keisha: We both go our separate ways. She says she is going to L.A. and live with her dad, and I am going to live my life and follow my dreams with other people.
The long interview eventually came to an end just minutes after ten. Keisha thanked the crew and off they went.
NEWS EXCLUSIVE
KEISHA SPEAKS OUT
“TEN YEARS OF B.S, NOW I WALK FREE”
A small group from LA Times have flown in to London, England to get the world exclusive from Keisha Jackson Ellis-Taylor on the breakdown of a friendship and life. They flew in this morning and are now heading to South Kensington. Keisha at aged twenty one lives with her girlfriend Tinkerbell twenty three. Since we last saw her she finally published her first book titled “You are not alone” which became a number one best seller in four different countries. Keisha just finished her tour of America and is now back at home working on her second book. Her partner is CEO of the official and largest Michael Jackson store which is based in LA. Since its opening in two thousand and five, it has gone on to make debuts in countries over the globe, a total of one hundred and fifty stores worldwide. After touching down in Heathrow airport a carrier awaited the crew and within an hour they arrived at The Jackson Ellis-Taylor household after ten am. Located in south Kensington their home a six bed, two reception, large kitchen diner with the most amazing view from their master bedroom.
They pull up and within minutes the gates open up for them to drive through. They parked just outside the front door. And there with baby Coco Puff in her arms is Keisha with shoulder length curls, wearing a tank top with combat shorts and slippers, the baby dressed the same. After introductions and a tour of the home, they all went into the backyard. The crew set up and the interview began.
[Continued ...]
Rp1: We will get to the other topics but one big topic is the fallout between you and a friend of ten years, what happened?
Keisha: Shamiya and I had been friends for close to ten years. It was through a mutual love for Michael where we came together. And how you say the rest is history.
Rp1: In an interview with her she said you two had also went to the same primary and secondary school?
Keisha: Yes that is correct we did go to the same schools but our paths never crossed until secondary school. And from there it just grew day by day.
Rp1: Explain the school days, what was it like?
Keisha: Honestly some of the best days of my life. Like it was literally me, Shamiya and Michael [laughs] everyone knew she and I as the Michael fanatics, but more so her because she would dress like him, act like him, sing and dance. I was more so on the quieter side. We had a few lessons together. I.T. was one of them. You can bet every lesson it was all things Michael Jackson.
Rp1: So this relationship between you and her was really special?
Keisha: It was. I had some amazing times. She and I went to events, launch parties here and there. I remember we would be there day in and day out dreaming, fantasizing about the day we would both meet him, and through time get to know him and eventually live with him hehe. It was a fantasy world we was truly living in but meeting Michael, becoming friends and then living with him didn’t seem to impossible you know.
Rp1: Is it true that your parents bit their tongue every time she came around?
Keisha: [laughs] yes. And to be honest after a certain amount of time I did too. My parents especially my father had a strong dislike towards her. Always calling her “crazy friend or long belly friend” [giggles]
Rp1: Long belly?
Keisha: So let me explain that. Whenever she would come to my house, ten times out of ten within the first five minutes she would always ball that she hungry. And at first I didn’t mind getting her food, but when she came over a lot and was always asking for food it got a little annoying. She could no longer help herself. I had to go down and get food for her. My parent’s were not best pleased always telling me off for her always coming to my house with an empty stomach. My dad would always say “She just come from home! Rass, always come to my yard hungry. So what she nahr eat when she dey home?”
Rp1: When you would go to hers, were you the same?
Keisha: Hell no! You honestly think I could go to a friend’s yard twenty four seven and eat them out of fridge and freezer? And besides if I am to be honest. She hardly offered me food. And I never asked her, I don’t know why. Probably because I saw how she was round mine didn’t want her mum to get the same impression. I was always amazed at how she would come to mine, and ask for food left, right and centre. Yet I go to hers and one, I didn’t ask, but two she hardly offered. The most she would ask to get me is a drink. And what made it worst is that she would have me sitting there and she would come in with her own food yam in front of me whilst I there hungry. I soon realized that I would have to come with a full belly when I go to hers hehe.
Rp1: Wow. I couldn’t imagine having a friend over and just not offering them anything. Are you serious?
Keisha: I am being very serious. I mean I can count on one hand, maybe two doubt it though, the amount of times she has offered me food whilst at her house. For me now, well I lost count [laughs]
Rp1: Tell us what your dad would sometimes do when she was over?
Keisha: Oh man! Ok so I had my own computer in my bedroom, and whenever she would come round she would literally sit on my computer until gone midnight most of the time. And my dad would get so peed off he would lock off the net. And I remember the first time he did it, I went to him and was like “dad the net is off” He looked at me and smiled, his words “I know, I lock it off” I couldn’t help but laugh at what he did; I mean was it really that bad then? Ha-ha it was crazy because I had to tell her a little lie, the internet has gone down. I mean it’s like my boy MJ who had twist the truth a little about how he didn’t like touring but they wanted him to make it positive. So this is my Michael moment. [Looks to the camera] The internet had gone down, but you know the truth [smiles]
Rp1: So from the sound of it and speaking to a few others they had their reservations about her long before. What was the difference now?
Keisha: A lot of people had their reservations about her. In particular one of my best friend Leahana, before Shamiya and I became friends she was friends with her. One time she slept over Leahana’s house and after the way she carried on; eat her out of home Leahana just went her separate way with her. Through school she was trying to tell me of her ways but I just dismissed them.
It all started to change after June. And it was like, I don’t know about her, but for me I felt the relationship change because suddenly what was the focal point between us being Michael, it no longer was. So the phone calls cut down, or the amount of time we spent on the phone shortened. We weren’t around one another’s house as much. And I was beginning to see that take away MJ and we didn’t really have much more in common. Through the last seven months we’ve been attending vigils and we have both met some amazing people who I consider an extension to my family now.
One person in particular her name is Tinkerbell. She saw me at an event; a few days later she added me on Facebook and then from there we began to talk and talk and talk. It was so easy to talk to her and we jut became best friends and then eventually girlfriends. I think after a month I introduced her to Shamiya and they hit it off. Just like Tinkerbell and I, she and Shamiya connected and it soon became a close knit group of people because through more connections we befriended this girl called Michelle, and Tinkerbell’s sister Sherry.
Rp1: Speaking of Michelle. She and Shamiya were really close. You always saw them at events and then something happened and the friendship was tarnished.
Keisha: Yeah they were so close, they became inseparable at times. It was our very own Janet and Michael. We were at Tinkerbell’s mum’s house and Michelle made the announcement that Sky1 are planning to do a show where they will try and get in contact with MJ’s spirit. Long story short she said we will each receive a phone call over the next week or so. In the end it was only Michelle who went onto do it with others. I remember it was me, Tinkerbell and Shamiya at Jenny’s [Tinkerbell’s mum] house and we watched it. And afterwards it was like we were in a state of two minds. We felt that the questions asked wasn’t enough and we got frustrated talking about if we was on there, blah, blah. And it wasn’t until Michelle told us there were a few legal issues and that they couldn’t ask certain questions. So anyway that was done, and of course we sent love and support to Michelle whether it was the same day, or a day or two after.
We was all at Tinkerbell’s flat on a high of MJ love, and madness when I received a message from Michelle I can’t remember if it was by phone or mail. I think it was by mail, and it threw us off completely. Because Michelle was bad mouthing Shamiya, and we couldn’t for the life of us figure out why. Now Michelle has a mouth on her, just like with those gay men. Piss them off and they will tear you up, well Michelle let loose calling her a Bitch, ignorant, selfish and was just really being horrible towards her. When we called her up she explained it was because all her other friends wrote to her, or called showing support but what does she go and do, rant about if I was there, or bad mouth the show and stuff. You are probably confused, but it was when either Michelle called us earlier Saturday morning, or it was us who called her. She and Shamiya spoke for ages and I guess as the day wore on Michelle didn’t like the way she spoke.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Tinkerbell and I were very confused and couldn’t believe that she would say all these things about her. We had to console her because she was an emotional wreck. I don’t think she slept. Next morning I think we all went round to Jenny’s house and explained what happened. Blah, blah, it must have taken a week for us to persuade Shamiya to contact Michelle. No matter how much we talked to Michelle she was set in her ways. Wow! if I could only tell you how deep she got, she literally rinsed Shamiya out. So finally she called her on her own time and they both sorted it out. But I don’t think it was ever the same again.
Rp1: Would you say the way she is today, is partly your fault?
Keisha: Yes, because I made her head even bigger than it is and her ego too. She would always say she is my Michael and I am her Liz Taylor, or that if she went from my life that would be the end, I wouldn’t survive. I need her in my life. She not only said it to me throughout the years but others too. And I guess like a fool, or shall we say puppet. It’s one of those things you hear something over and over and over and over you believe it.
Rp1: What happened between Tinkerbell’s family and her?
Keisha: So throughout these last six months it has been very difficult, and Tinkerbell’s mum Jenny, along with the rest of the family have been very supportive towards Shamiya and I. It was literally that we became apart of the family and like a mother would do, feed us, buy things for us, etc. And so it was around Christmas time and Shamiya was all talk about how she got a job which is paying her a lot of money and that she had all these presents she was going to buy for us. Now for me I was on JSA and couldn’t afford much but the main priority was making sure I got a present for my mum, my boys and Jenny. It came to Christmas I went over to Jenny’s house and was showered with all these wonderful gifts. Of course I showed my appreciation I thanked everyone who brought me gifts, etc.
That was that, a week later I received a message from Tinkerbell telling me how her mum is upset with how Shamiya is behaving. And not just the mother, all of them including Tinkerbell. This was a great shock to me, because I thought everything was fine.
Rp1: So what was everyone upset about?
Keisha: The same thing my parent’s complained about. Coming over and not leaving at appropriate times. She was eating a lot of their food whenever she would stay. I heard that she would ask Jenny to make her cups of tea as if Jenny is her servant or something. She talked about having a job and buying everyone presents but come the day she came empty handed, and still to this day she hasn’t given them anything. I mean I understand you can vocally express love to people, but sometimes you can show your love and appreciation in the form of gifts too. I just think it’s out of order for her to not even buy Jenny, TJ (Tinkerbell’s brother) and Tinkerbell a present after they brought her things and was there for her the most during these months.
Not only was she doing that but she was also taking the piss when she would ask Jenny who lives all the way in Kensington to come and pick her up from Lewisham. At first she got on the trains just like I, and went up to Jenny’s. Then all of a sudden just because she got a job now her ass is to royal for public transport. She starts to ask Tinkerbell’s mum if she could come pick her up and drop her back home. And it wasn’t like they lived near one another and it wasn’t like she was offering money for petrol neither. After a while she gets to cosy and suddenly expects this, expects that from people.
Rp1: OMG, not even petrol money and that is quite a journey to and from.
Keisha: Exactly. And so because I was her friend I thought I would write her a letter explaining her actions and how it upset everyone. Now this is where her ignorance came in. Instead of acknowledging and really reading the letter, she goes off on one and is like “oh no one loves me no more; I’m heartbroken,” blah, blah. And the thing is she would was still ignorant to what we were all trying to tell her. She was apologizing and when I asked her to explain why she was, she couldn’t give me a straight answer. And then it was like she was saying I’ve forgiven them. [Stares] For what? I thought it was suppose to be the other way round. And no matter how many times we tried to tell her, she just wasn’t getting it.
Rp1: What happened in the end?
Keisha: Well I tried to defuse the situation which was really starting to escalate. Tried to resolve this online a couple times but it just got nowhere. In fact it seemed to have made the situation worse.
Rp1: So with all this going on, there was more fire added with the ticket, lottery ticket?
Keisha: Yes. Ok so we were all round Jenny’s house when she told us someone brought her a ticket and she won a million pound. Of course at the time we didn’t have any reason not to believe her. We was all excited and thought that finally some of our dreams which she, Tinkerbell and I had dreamed of would finally come true. Here the story now. So she spoke to Jenny and from that she decided to not spend the million, put it in the bank and let it grow. When I spoke to Jenny she said that she told Shamiya that she should not be careless with it and just spend it all in go.
Rp1: I’m not quite getting it grow, and then do what?
Keisha: Buy Neverland
Rp1: Buy Neverland? What, is she serious? That million would probably be the amount just to run it on a yearly basis.
Keisha: She told Jenny and Tinkerbell that she is going to let it grow, so she can buy Neverland which costs seventeen million.
Rp1: [laughs] Ok first off she is kidding herself. Back in the 80’s Michael purchased it for seventeen million. She is delusional if she thinks with all the work he done that it will just cost seventeen mills. She would probably have to save until she is fifty or beyond to even come remotely close to buying his home.
Keisha: Exactly. And I am sure people would say it’s her money and if you look at it probably so. But Tinkerbell and I believe that through our constant prayers to Michael, and the lord that they answered our prayer through her. Now all of a sudden the ‘dream’ has changed. Its true money can be a bad thing and change people.
Rp1: And then what happened?
Keisha: Well this all happened round about the time I had went away for a few months to clear my mind and regain focus after what happened last summer and of course at the time a little of relationship tension, but during that time it seemed no matter what I said to Shamiya it wasn’t getting through. I guess because I only knew how to talk to her in fairytale lingo I would always sugar coat the truth. And so it went on and on, me and Tinkerbell trying to tell her that she can still save, but not at the expense of sitting on money and watching your family and friends struggle. She said a million isn’t enough. Laugh out loud, a million is more than having - £170 pound in your bank account which is what for the best part of a year it always read. I was also dipping into my overdraft, and Tinkerbell was always forking out money too.
I go round to my girlfriend’s house a lot. And between us though we don’t have much we usually split the cost. She will get the electricity and gas I’ll get the shopping, vice versa but we always provide for another. When ever Shamiya has come over she has not once contributed towards anything. And that use to piss me off. She would talk about having a little bit of money here and there yet she was still expecting US to pay for her.
Rp1: When did you finally decide, this is it?
Keisha: When I finally stopped believing in her web of lies. First I forgot to mention another disgusting act she has committed. Back in March when Michael announced the tour dates, ticket went on sale the following week. Now I remember the moment they told us how to get pre sale tickets my ass texted a few people telling them to sign up and I did the same. Shamiya didn’t even bother too. Her reply was “You’re doing it, so it’s cool” And I remember that day was frantic, I almost died. Long story short I panicked and lost all control and couldn’t get tickets. My sister called me up and saved the day telling me she got four tickets. I was doing a three way with my sister one line, Shamiya the other. We both cried hysterically a dream was about to come true. Later my mum was screwing because she and my aunty had wanted to go, and so they all thought that if she wanted tickets that badly why did she not sign up for the pre sale like the rest of us.
I didn’t think of that at the time but looking back now it’s true. Just like I signed up and told others she should have done the same. Anyway sorry I am going off on tangents. When there is ten years of recollection trust me you will hehe, but anyway so there was this girl called Mandy and Shamiya must have told her she can get her tickets front row for just two hundred pound. So Mandy sent her a cheque, then obviously with June happening I thought Shamiya had devised a plan with Mandy to give the money back
Rp1: What happened next?
Keisha: All now the girl is waiting for her money back. Mandy contacted my girlfriend who was in two minds about what to do, so she called me. I was totally shocked when I heard this, so I confronted Shamiya. She got pissed off with Mandy and Tinkerbell, but she had no right to because Mandy for the past several months had been trying to come up with a plan for her to give the money back and she kept coming up with excuse after excuse. It has gotten to the point now where I thought fcuk it, so I gave Mandy Shamiya’s home address and phone number to take this even further. We all tried to get through to Shamiya and to be honest if she has money I do not know why she is continuing to stall.
Rp1: Wow, when you hear this entirely one question how did you honestly think she was ever like Michael?
Keisha: I do not know to be honest. I guess when she would do some things it reminded me a lot of Michael, how she would act in situations. But then my girlfriend put it greatly she thinks that Shamiya is an actress. She plays a character to everyone. She puts on a show to disguise what she is really like. She wants people to think she’s like Michael, but that is from years of studying him. Nothing she does flows naturally like Michael. It’s all an act. And just hearing her say that it suddenly made sense. Like I would be so amazed at how she could recite every single Disney show and film word for word, expression for expression but hearing Tinkerbell say that it all makes sense. To be honest one of the many annoying things about her was when she would sit me down to watch a film but talk all the way through. Urgh it was so annoying and my girlfriend soon realized this too. God forbid she knew a film word for word it was like our very dictator.
Rp1: What was ultimately the end for you and her?
Keisha: At the time I was on vacation and I was talking to my girlfriend and Shamiya came online. She was all telling me stuff about how she was taking things and the side affects were that she forgot things. Anyway I needed to tell her the truth without sugar coating it, so Tinkerbell and I decided to switch accounts; and so she posed as me and well like watching a programme I was on hers and we was cam to cam. From the moment I said I was back, Shamiya came back swearing for no reason, going off on one. Anyway we got into it, telling her about how she is being selfish, blah blah. It got heated at times. And then finally I said I don’t believe you about the money. That must have shocked her because of course anything she’s told me in the past I’ve took her word for. I also said show me proof that you have a million in the bank. I mean honestly it’s not hard there are ATM machines you can easily go to the bank right, and print a statement, or even with your phone take a picture. Or if that is too dangerous I am sure you can go to online banking scan and send. All I am saying is as your best friend of ten years surely you can show proof right?
Rp1: But she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want too
Keisha: True. And that is very fine but I think that you can show your family and true close friends. I mean she says she won it on the lottery ticket, surely she can show some proof. I mean if that was me, but perhaps it’s just me. I would show my friend and family and of course divide it between them.
Rp1: So where do we go from here?
Keisha: We both go our separate ways. She says she is going to L.A. and live with her dad, and I am going to live my life and follow my dreams with other people.
The long interview eventually came to an end just minutes after ten. Keisha thanked the crew and off they went.
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Revisiting June, for the personal journey I am on ..
Two days ago marked seven months since that day in June. As I sit at the table in my grandma’s living room I, in terms of my thoughts and feeling still feel the same as I did a couple days after what happened. I’m currently in the Caribbean islands because I felt I needed that escapism from everything and everyone to just be able to deal with this as I want to. I felt that I couldn’t be myself entirely and I had to put on this façade right from the moment I returned back home. I was in Paradise from the twentieth of June to the twenty sixth. I remember that week. I wrote about it but just to refresh the memories I will bullet point a few things.
. First time I went into Harrods they played Michael Jackson’s Remember the time
. After years and years and years I learned how to master the trains.
. My aunt informed me that more tickets for his shows were being released
. I composed myself enough to wake up early next day and purchase a July twenty second ticket, front row.
. For the first time I forgot to charge my phone
If it wasn’t for my aunt, who I call a rock star, I don’t know how I would have coped. I feel like I am a little bit more in strength to finally recall that night. I remember after it happened I tried so much to do a blog update but every time I started as soon as I got to that date everything just froze. On that date it was my brother and I at our aunt and uncle’s house. They called to tell us that for definite we are heading to Camden tonight to watch our other aunt perform.
We were there getting ready it was coming to five or six O’clock. One detail I remember clearly is my brother bringing his phone charger and for the life of me I was baffled as to why he was bringing his charger to a gig. Looking back perhaps it was a sign for me to look at my phone and see that it needed charging? [shrugs]. Uncle Alton came, picked us up and drove to Camden. We picked up aunt Laurell on the way, and soon found ourselves at the location.
After an hour or so of chatter we made our way upstairs. We waited for a little while before our aunt and uncle graced the stage ready to do their set. I finally looked at my phone and saw the battery cursing myself for forgetting to charge it, which fact. I never forgot so why did I forget this time? I recorded a few songs then my phoned died.
The clock was reading ten or eleven when we all went downstairs to the pub. My aunt ordered me a drink of vodka and lemonade. I remember I was sitting by myself just observing the crowd like I do, when all of a sudden I hear a few people start to talk.
“Have you heard the news Michael Jackson has...” Of course I immediately brushed it off as a rumour. I continued to sip on my drink but around me phones were going off. It was the guy at the bar who was our minute by minute updater. One minute it’s true, one minute it’s not. At this point something was beginning to happen inside of me. Though I was verbally saying it was a rumour, in my mind doubt, worry, concern started to creep in. And then I think at that point that was when I no longer was present. I became nervous, anxious, butterflies erupted in my stomach and suddenly my appetite to finish the drink went.
Out of nowhere my aunt Laurell came in to comfort me, and again I was still in two minds. They started to play Michael and I got happy. Little did I know it was because of the news. At this point I can’t remember too much but if memory serves me correctly at first I was just in a state of numbness. I felt like I was having an outer body experience. It soon got to the point where all I heard was voices and I needed to find out the truth. I felt like I was on a deserted island. My phone was dead so I couldn’t dial or receive calls. I didn’t know numbers off by heart so I couldn’t phone anyone. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time because if I was I would have just dialled my home number from my aunt’s mobile. I was pretty much frantic at this point but it was all in my head. I finally was able to reach my mum, and I just needed to know. When she told me, how I could even begin to explain to the full extent but it was like the tsunami, 9/11 all the horrible disasters rolled into one. I could no longer stomach anymore so I gave it to my aunt, and just ran outside.
I was walking, just walking as the tears fell. My aunt eventually caught up with me and I just crumbled like an aging cliff into her arms. At that point I felt like a little child again. You know when you reach that age and you ask why? All the time, yeah I just kept asking why, but how, and that I didn’t understand.
Also what heightened my emotions was that I have a friend who loves Michael too. I was so petrified that she was trying to get hold of me, and perhaps through failing to reach me she did something to herself. All throughout the car ride home I was listening to hold my hand and other Michael songs. They stopped off for food but food was the furthest from my mind. Whilst the boys was in the shop it gave me and my aunt some alone time as she comforted me again. She said as soon as we get in I can charge my phone and call my friend.
That journey home felt like it was never ending, but the more we approached our destination the more I was feeling scared. We didn’t put on the radio, it was like we was cut off from the real world and for those few hours I convinced myself that it was a just a rumour, or perhaps because my mum told me he was in a coma that he pulled through.
We got inside, and I immediately charged my phone. The amount of text that came through was incredible. Throughout all of this I thought that I didn’t show to people how much I love Michael, and how big of a fan I am but seeing texts from everyone in my life, however old or new just reassures me that though I wasn’t as vocal about it, people knew.
This part shocked me beyond words. So I finally ring my friend and she answers me, but the way she answered me it was as if she was oblivious to the news. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m aware that perhaps some people had gone to bed and would not have heard about it till morning but with so many connections she had to other fans I was deeply surprised that she, who I use to claim as Mrs Jackson didn’t know.
At that point I felt like a police officer having to contact a relative, or someone about their love one. It was up there in the hardest things I ever had to do. I still hadn’t turned on the news, radio, or gone on the laptop yet so my friend and I spoke for a while and we was both convincing one another that it was either a rumour, or that he pulled through. I don’t know what possessed me but it was coming to the end of our call, and I finally logged on. There on every news page in bold letters was the headline I never thought in my lifetime I would read, or hear.
Though my aunt was there for me I felt like I was alone. It was a Friday morning and they had to go to bed because they had work. My brother well he in his own world and I couldn’t really bother him. It was the loneliest time. I remember finally going onto Facebook and seeing everyone’s status. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At that point I think that is when I lost all feeling. That is when I no longer living but existing. During the morning I was talking to people, and then one of my friends’s called me to comfort me, because she knew what I was going through because her mother had passed away.
I honestly couldn’t sleep. I felt sick, all the time I was laying down it was like this pain in the centre of my stomach. Like hearing bad news you’re anxious, and crazy things erupt inside you and it’s a sickening feeling. I so badly wanted to run to my aunt and for her to hold me but I couldn’t. I wish she could have token the day off work but she couldn’t, well to be honest I wanted to ask her these questions but she already did so much for me.
If I’m honest I think I only managed a couple hours sleep before the morning greeted me. I was still in that place of an emotionless state. I think I turned on the television once and it showed his rented house and the tape around it, flowers, etc and so I turned it off. A couple more friends called me; I went up to the shop and brought a paper. To be honest I do not know why I guess I was looking for answers. I’m not a tabloid junkie, though I do admit I did use to purchase newspapers, but it was only for the back pages as I use to follow football religiously.
I just remember being in the kitchen and looking out the window watching the world go by as the questions still invade my mind. I still didn’t believe it. Though I saw everyone’s status on Facebook, the newspaper and other sources I still couldn’t stomach it, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I went upstairs and same thing I sat on the window ledge and looked out as the clouds were white, skies were light blue so clear.
I can’t even remember what happened to my brother I think my aunt came home early and took him out to get some shopping, and that was when I called my friend. It was so emotional. She was there threatening to kill herself. Long story short there was a lot of crying but I managed to talk her round.
I was meant to come home that day but I just couldn’t bear to face anyone. And for some bizarre reason I told myself I needed an extra day to come to terms with it. F-in hell, it is seven months later and I’m still trying to come to terms with June.
Of course never have I been in two minds. I do remember in the midst of it, when it was still so fresh and soon rumours flew thick and fast, theories and at times I got caught up in the windmill but I guess that was because, well I can’t really explain all I can say is I had my moment then it flew over.
One thing that was bothering me a lot was the fact that I had or felt no emotion what so ever. I’m serious I didn’t feel the tears, nor the sadness, nor just anything. I was like a blank canvas. But I understood because when I would be amongst other fans I understood what they were going through, but I just couldn’t express it myself.
I soon became dependant on alcohol during the early days. I mean I love a drink here and there anyway but when I first drank and the tears flooded, it was then that I became dependant on it. I mean to go from a being who could feel everything. To feel emotion from watching television, to seeing my nephews, to watching or listening to Michael, any little thing to then suddenly feeling nothing at all honestly scared the living shit out of me. If I wasn’t drinking everyday possibly every other day or every week, it got to a point where my mother was starting to question me on whether I have a problem.
I soon started to question too. In fact my mind played even more tricks on me and I thought “wow, I’m probably going to end up an alcoholic” I don’t know who but I think it was my aunt ‘the rock star one’ lifted me up at times when others couldn’t. Yet again she was there and knew what to do and say.
The memorial was hard. I remember with a friend at the time we brought a bottle or two and shared it between us. And the thing is I was fine, until they brought him onstage, lords have mercy I cried, cried, cried, and cried. The service was two hours I cried throughout the entire service, then I don’t know if I called my aunt, or she called me but I broke down to her. After drying the eyes and sobering up we went back to oxford circus and just jammed there until the morning. I’m sure that was the morning I came home about 4/5am in the morning if not another time.
July 13th was another hard day. Though I don’t dispute it was such a beautiful day. It should have been a beautiful day for other reasons. My dream comes true of seeing Michael live. I’m sure I was amongst the majority who just kept on looking up to the sky waiting for him to return, pop out of somewhere.
Now fast forward seven months later and to be honest I thought that by going to college it would help but it was too soon. And I felt I didn’t have the time I needed to fully crumble without voices telling me this, telling me that. I don’t need to say how much I love Michael, because I feel when I writ that story HIStory it was really me being able to express my frustrations, anger, sadness all emotions which I couldn’t express, or say.
I’m in St Vincent alone trying to find a way to go on. I don’t need people telling me this and that. I will do it in my own time, I can’t be rushed. It’s like this is such a reality check for me. Like I went around with my heads up in the sky (which to be honest I still do) thinking that the people I love were immune to the inevitable fate. When June happened it has just woken me up and I remember telling a few people. Jesus I am like this with Michael, I can only imagine what I may be like when it comes to my mum or dad, or someone else I love. My grandma brought me to church and honest truth it was emotional both times. I think it was a way spiritually of making me visit this moment, and the reality of what has happened which I have denied for so long. I have since had a few emotional moments here and there without intoxication. I watch him, or listen to him and it gets to me. Also whilst watching this is it for the fortieth time hehe my aunt told me she saw Michael in concert. Now why she go do that, do not think that though I was excited, I was jealous and then the reality hit me again, she saw him in concert, I was destined too.
Ok, wow this has taken me very long. A lot of stop and start, now that I have finally been able to revisit I hope to continue this personal journey.
. First time I went into Harrods they played Michael Jackson’s Remember the time
. After years and years and years I learned how to master the trains.
. My aunt informed me that more tickets for his shows were being released
. I composed myself enough to wake up early next day and purchase a July twenty second ticket, front row.
. For the first time I forgot to charge my phone
If it wasn’t for my aunt, who I call a rock star, I don’t know how I would have coped. I feel like I am a little bit more in strength to finally recall that night. I remember after it happened I tried so much to do a blog update but every time I started as soon as I got to that date everything just froze. On that date it was my brother and I at our aunt and uncle’s house. They called to tell us that for definite we are heading to Camden tonight to watch our other aunt perform.
We were there getting ready it was coming to five or six O’clock. One detail I remember clearly is my brother bringing his phone charger and for the life of me I was baffled as to why he was bringing his charger to a gig. Looking back perhaps it was a sign for me to look at my phone and see that it needed charging? [shrugs]. Uncle Alton came, picked us up and drove to Camden. We picked up aunt Laurell on the way, and soon found ourselves at the location.
After an hour or so of chatter we made our way upstairs. We waited for a little while before our aunt and uncle graced the stage ready to do their set. I finally looked at my phone and saw the battery cursing myself for forgetting to charge it, which fact. I never forgot so why did I forget this time? I recorded a few songs then my phoned died.
The clock was reading ten or eleven when we all went downstairs to the pub. My aunt ordered me a drink of vodka and lemonade. I remember I was sitting by myself just observing the crowd like I do, when all of a sudden I hear a few people start to talk.
“Have you heard the news Michael Jackson has...” Of course I immediately brushed it off as a rumour. I continued to sip on my drink but around me phones were going off. It was the guy at the bar who was our minute by minute updater. One minute it’s true, one minute it’s not. At this point something was beginning to happen inside of me. Though I was verbally saying it was a rumour, in my mind doubt, worry, concern started to creep in. And then I think at that point that was when I no longer was present. I became nervous, anxious, butterflies erupted in my stomach and suddenly my appetite to finish the drink went.
Out of nowhere my aunt Laurell came in to comfort me, and again I was still in two minds. They started to play Michael and I got happy. Little did I know it was because of the news. At this point I can’t remember too much but if memory serves me correctly at first I was just in a state of numbness. I felt like I was having an outer body experience. It soon got to the point where all I heard was voices and I needed to find out the truth. I felt like I was on a deserted island. My phone was dead so I couldn’t dial or receive calls. I didn’t know numbers off by heart so I couldn’t phone anyone. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time because if I was I would have just dialled my home number from my aunt’s mobile. I was pretty much frantic at this point but it was all in my head. I finally was able to reach my mum, and I just needed to know. When she told me, how I could even begin to explain to the full extent but it was like the tsunami, 9/11 all the horrible disasters rolled into one. I could no longer stomach anymore so I gave it to my aunt, and just ran outside.
I was walking, just walking as the tears fell. My aunt eventually caught up with me and I just crumbled like an aging cliff into her arms. At that point I felt like a little child again. You know when you reach that age and you ask why? All the time, yeah I just kept asking why, but how, and that I didn’t understand.
Also what heightened my emotions was that I have a friend who loves Michael too. I was so petrified that she was trying to get hold of me, and perhaps through failing to reach me she did something to herself. All throughout the car ride home I was listening to hold my hand and other Michael songs. They stopped off for food but food was the furthest from my mind. Whilst the boys was in the shop it gave me and my aunt some alone time as she comforted me again. She said as soon as we get in I can charge my phone and call my friend.
That journey home felt like it was never ending, but the more we approached our destination the more I was feeling scared. We didn’t put on the radio, it was like we was cut off from the real world and for those few hours I convinced myself that it was a just a rumour, or perhaps because my mum told me he was in a coma that he pulled through.
We got inside, and I immediately charged my phone. The amount of text that came through was incredible. Throughout all of this I thought that I didn’t show to people how much I love Michael, and how big of a fan I am but seeing texts from everyone in my life, however old or new just reassures me that though I wasn’t as vocal about it, people knew.
This part shocked me beyond words. So I finally ring my friend and she answers me, but the way she answered me it was as if she was oblivious to the news. I couldn’t believe it. I mean I’m aware that perhaps some people had gone to bed and would not have heard about it till morning but with so many connections she had to other fans I was deeply surprised that she, who I use to claim as Mrs Jackson didn’t know.
At that point I felt like a police officer having to contact a relative, or someone about their love one. It was up there in the hardest things I ever had to do. I still hadn’t turned on the news, radio, or gone on the laptop yet so my friend and I spoke for a while and we was both convincing one another that it was either a rumour, or that he pulled through. I don’t know what possessed me but it was coming to the end of our call, and I finally logged on. There on every news page in bold letters was the headline I never thought in my lifetime I would read, or hear.
Though my aunt was there for me I felt like I was alone. It was a Friday morning and they had to go to bed because they had work. My brother well he in his own world and I couldn’t really bother him. It was the loneliest time. I remember finally going onto Facebook and seeing everyone’s status. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At that point I think that is when I lost all feeling. That is when I no longer living but existing. During the morning I was talking to people, and then one of my friends’s called me to comfort me, because she knew what I was going through because her mother had passed away.
I honestly couldn’t sleep. I felt sick, all the time I was laying down it was like this pain in the centre of my stomach. Like hearing bad news you’re anxious, and crazy things erupt inside you and it’s a sickening feeling. I so badly wanted to run to my aunt and for her to hold me but I couldn’t. I wish she could have token the day off work but she couldn’t, well to be honest I wanted to ask her these questions but she already did so much for me.
If I’m honest I think I only managed a couple hours sleep before the morning greeted me. I was still in that place of an emotionless state. I think I turned on the television once and it showed his rented house and the tape around it, flowers, etc and so I turned it off. A couple more friends called me; I went up to the shop and brought a paper. To be honest I do not know why I guess I was looking for answers. I’m not a tabloid junkie, though I do admit I did use to purchase newspapers, but it was only for the back pages as I use to follow football religiously.
I just remember being in the kitchen and looking out the window watching the world go by as the questions still invade my mind. I still didn’t believe it. Though I saw everyone’s status on Facebook, the newspaper and other sources I still couldn’t stomach it, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I went upstairs and same thing I sat on the window ledge and looked out as the clouds were white, skies were light blue so clear.
I can’t even remember what happened to my brother I think my aunt came home early and took him out to get some shopping, and that was when I called my friend. It was so emotional. She was there threatening to kill herself. Long story short there was a lot of crying but I managed to talk her round.
I was meant to come home that day but I just couldn’t bear to face anyone. And for some bizarre reason I told myself I needed an extra day to come to terms with it. F-in hell, it is seven months later and I’m still trying to come to terms with June.
Of course never have I been in two minds. I do remember in the midst of it, when it was still so fresh and soon rumours flew thick and fast, theories and at times I got caught up in the windmill but I guess that was because, well I can’t really explain all I can say is I had my moment then it flew over.
One thing that was bothering me a lot was the fact that I had or felt no emotion what so ever. I’m serious I didn’t feel the tears, nor the sadness, nor just anything. I was like a blank canvas. But I understood because when I would be amongst other fans I understood what they were going through, but I just couldn’t express it myself.
I soon became dependant on alcohol during the early days. I mean I love a drink here and there anyway but when I first drank and the tears flooded, it was then that I became dependant on it. I mean to go from a being who could feel everything. To feel emotion from watching television, to seeing my nephews, to watching or listening to Michael, any little thing to then suddenly feeling nothing at all honestly scared the living shit out of me. If I wasn’t drinking everyday possibly every other day or every week, it got to a point where my mother was starting to question me on whether I have a problem.
I soon started to question too. In fact my mind played even more tricks on me and I thought “wow, I’m probably going to end up an alcoholic” I don’t know who but I think it was my aunt ‘the rock star one’ lifted me up at times when others couldn’t. Yet again she was there and knew what to do and say.
The memorial was hard. I remember with a friend at the time we brought a bottle or two and shared it between us. And the thing is I was fine, until they brought him onstage, lords have mercy I cried, cried, cried, and cried. The service was two hours I cried throughout the entire service, then I don’t know if I called my aunt, or she called me but I broke down to her. After drying the eyes and sobering up we went back to oxford circus and just jammed there until the morning. I’m sure that was the morning I came home about 4/5am in the morning if not another time.
July 13th was another hard day. Though I don’t dispute it was such a beautiful day. It should have been a beautiful day for other reasons. My dream comes true of seeing Michael live. I’m sure I was amongst the majority who just kept on looking up to the sky waiting for him to return, pop out of somewhere.
Now fast forward seven months later and to be honest I thought that by going to college it would help but it was too soon. And I felt I didn’t have the time I needed to fully crumble without voices telling me this, telling me that. I don’t need to say how much I love Michael, because I feel when I writ that story HIStory it was really me being able to express my frustrations, anger, sadness all emotions which I couldn’t express, or say.
I’m in St Vincent alone trying to find a way to go on. I don’t need people telling me this and that. I will do it in my own time, I can’t be rushed. It’s like this is such a reality check for me. Like I went around with my heads up in the sky (which to be honest I still do) thinking that the people I love were immune to the inevitable fate. When June happened it has just woken me up and I remember telling a few people. Jesus I am like this with Michael, I can only imagine what I may be like when it comes to my mum or dad, or someone else I love. My grandma brought me to church and honest truth it was emotional both times. I think it was a way spiritually of making me visit this moment, and the reality of what has happened which I have denied for so long. I have since had a few emotional moments here and there without intoxication. I watch him, or listen to him and it gets to me. Also whilst watching this is it for the fortieth time hehe my aunt told me she saw Michael in concert. Now why she go do that, do not think that though I was excited, I was jealous and then the reality hit me again, she saw him in concert, I was destined too.
Ok, wow this has taken me very long. A lot of stop and start, now that I have finally been able to revisit I hope to continue this personal journey.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
[Part II THIS IS IT]
[READ PART ONE FIRST, I JUST DID IT IN TWO PARTS BECAUSE IT IS A LONG A** UPDATE]
Oh one more thing listen to MAN IN THE MIROR, JAM, MONEY, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US, SCREAM just to name a few of Michael’s songs and like I said he has been trying to warn us for years. This is it, it’s time we unite and make that change. Ok seriously this is my last ramble on the subject one of my favourite songs from his album INVINCIBLE is Threatened. Listening to it now, again I believe it has another meaning. I need to post the lyrics because their just AMAZING.
"Threatened"
[ROD SERLING INTRO]
Tonight’s story is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction
A monster had arrived in the village
The major ingredient of any recipe for fear is the unknown
And this person or thing is soon to be met
He knows every thought, he can feel every emotion
Oh yes, I did forget something didn’t I? I forgot to introduce you to the monster.
You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast
Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed
I’m underneath
You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls
I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me
I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head
I heard just what you said
That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
You should be watching me, you should feel threatened
Why you sleep, why you creep, you should be threatened
Every time your lady speaks she speaks to me, threatened
Half of me you’ll never be, so you should feel threatened by me
You think you’re by yourself, but it’s my touch you felt
I’m not a ghost from Hell, but I’ve got a spell on you
Your worst nightmare, it's me, I'm everywhere
In one blink I’ll disappear, and then I’ll come back to haunt you
I’m telling you, when you lie under a tomb
I’m the one watching you
That’s why you got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
[ROD SERLING VERSE]
The unknown monster is about to embark
From a far corner, out of the dark
A nightmare, that’s the case
Never Neverland, that’s the place
This particular monster can read minds
Be in two places at the same time
This is judgement night, execution, slaughter
The devil, ghosts, this monster is torture
You can be sure of one thing, that’s fate
A human presence that you feel is strange
A monster that you can see disappear
A monster, the worst thing to fear.
[CHORUS x 3]
[ROD SERLING OUTRO]
What you have just witnessed could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare.
It isn’t. It’s the beginning.
I think they feared him and in this song Michael is telling them not just the visible authority but the invisible authority too that I know your game and what you’re about, and I think that definitely scared them and angered them. But justice will be served; the truths will start to be set free.
Right, ok so I have lost my trail of thought one second. [Looks back] Oh yes so by now I’m on the plane dosing in and out of a conscious state. I must have missed a few snacks, and then I’m not sure if at one point I woke up and saw my dinner there, or I was woken up and given it. Either way the smell put me off or I couldn’t eat it. Before I boarded the plane I purchased a big bottle of water. Normally because of my speech I have my mum or dad get me a drink on the plane and since I had neither I wasn’t quite confident of asking for drinks even though I was quite dehydrated. But luckily I brought the water for the eight hour flight, it lasted me.
Whilst I was up in the sky I was in another place, mind, body and soul. Spiritually I was in a place full of love, security and just a place without any judgement to whom I love and what I love. Thanking my dad that he let me; well not really let I had taken over his mini laptop so that came with me. Up in the sky way beyond vision I was there above the clouds in that tranquil place. I was able to setup the laptop and listen to my music, it was heavenly. I was even having long talks with Michael. We was talking about a lot of things from his music, dance, to just simple life things and especially the last six months and what to predict for the future.
It’s like this, when I watch or listen, or see Michael I just fall even more in love. It’s like watching the same thing over and over again does not get tiring, at least not in MJ’s case. And it’s like you find little details or big details which trigger love and it’s just a beautiful cycle of love for the man. I think I have been exposed intentionally and unintentionally but I am not complaining. Now people know for birthdays and Christmas and just if you want to get me anything, Michael related please. I am working on building my collection. I already have quite a few posters. I am looking to turn my room into a beautiful immaculate exhibition.
So I think I need to fast forward because this is already coming up to five pages and I haven’t even blogged about my arrival at Barbados, and the week I have had already.
[Barbados] So I got to Barbados, was a little confused so I asked for guidance and then because I got through late I missed my transition flight over to St Vincent. Long story short, after numerous calls to my aunt in Vincent, and my mum and dad I went with the airport to a hotel. I must say the hotel was pretty definitely a four star I would say. I think it was a double bedroom, had a little balcony and the pool, and beach close by. I arrived in time for dinner, and then I just went on the internet catching up with a few people. On the ride up to the hotel I saw Michael. I smiled I knew he was following me, looking after me. I had a little emotional moment up in the hotel room as I was listening to stand by me and just looking at him. As always with my IPod I went to sleep with Michael sleeping with me.
Oh one more thing listen to MAN IN THE MIROR, JAM, MONEY, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT US, SCREAM just to name a few of Michael’s songs and like I said he has been trying to warn us for years. This is it, it’s time we unite and make that change. Ok seriously this is my last ramble on the subject one of my favourite songs from his album INVINCIBLE is Threatened. Listening to it now, again I believe it has another meaning. I need to post the lyrics because their just AMAZING.
"Threatened"
[ROD SERLING INTRO]
Tonight’s story is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction
A monster had arrived in the village
The major ingredient of any recipe for fear is the unknown
And this person or thing is soon to be met
He knows every thought, he can feel every emotion
Oh yes, I did forget something didn’t I? I forgot to introduce you to the monster.
You’re fearing me, ‘cause you know I’m a beast
Watching you when you sleep, when you’re in bed
I’m underneath
You’re trapped in halls, and my face is the walls
I’m the floor when you fall, and when you scream it’s ‘cause of me
I’m the living dead, the dark thoughts in your head
I heard just what you said
That’s why you’ve got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
You should be watching me, you should feel threatened
Why you sleep, why you creep, you should be threatened
Every time your lady speaks she speaks to me, threatened
Half of me you’ll never be, so you should feel threatened by me
You think you’re by yourself, but it’s my touch you felt
I’m not a ghost from Hell, but I’ve got a spell on you
Your worst nightmare, it's me, I'm everywhere
In one blink I’ll disappear, and then I’ll come back to haunt you
I’m telling you, when you lie under a tomb
I’m the one watching you
That’s why you got to be threatened by me
[CHORUS]
[ROD SERLING VERSE]
The unknown monster is about to embark
From a far corner, out of the dark
A nightmare, that’s the case
Never Neverland, that’s the place
This particular monster can read minds
Be in two places at the same time
This is judgement night, execution, slaughter
The devil, ghosts, this monster is torture
You can be sure of one thing, that’s fate
A human presence that you feel is strange
A monster that you can see disappear
A monster, the worst thing to fear.
[CHORUS x 3]
[ROD SERLING OUTRO]
What you have just witnessed could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare.
It isn’t. It’s the beginning.
I think they feared him and in this song Michael is telling them not just the visible authority but the invisible authority too that I know your game and what you’re about, and I think that definitely scared them and angered them. But justice will be served; the truths will start to be set free.
Right, ok so I have lost my trail of thought one second. [Looks back] Oh yes so by now I’m on the plane dosing in and out of a conscious state. I must have missed a few snacks, and then I’m not sure if at one point I woke up and saw my dinner there, or I was woken up and given it. Either way the smell put me off or I couldn’t eat it. Before I boarded the plane I purchased a big bottle of water. Normally because of my speech I have my mum or dad get me a drink on the plane and since I had neither I wasn’t quite confident of asking for drinks even though I was quite dehydrated. But luckily I brought the water for the eight hour flight, it lasted me.
Whilst I was up in the sky I was in another place, mind, body and soul. Spiritually I was in a place full of love, security and just a place without any judgement to whom I love and what I love. Thanking my dad that he let me; well not really let I had taken over his mini laptop so that came with me. Up in the sky way beyond vision I was there above the clouds in that tranquil place. I was able to setup the laptop and listen to my music, it was heavenly. I was even having long talks with Michael. We was talking about a lot of things from his music, dance, to just simple life things and especially the last six months and what to predict for the future.
It’s like this, when I watch or listen, or see Michael I just fall even more in love. It’s like watching the same thing over and over again does not get tiring, at least not in MJ’s case. And it’s like you find little details or big details which trigger love and it’s just a beautiful cycle of love for the man. I think I have been exposed intentionally and unintentionally but I am not complaining. Now people know for birthdays and Christmas and just if you want to get me anything, Michael related please. I am working on building my collection. I already have quite a few posters. I am looking to turn my room into a beautiful immaculate exhibition.
So I think I need to fast forward because this is already coming up to five pages and I haven’t even blogged about my arrival at Barbados, and the week I have had already.
[Barbados] So I got to Barbados, was a little confused so I asked for guidance and then because I got through late I missed my transition flight over to St Vincent. Long story short, after numerous calls to my aunt in Vincent, and my mum and dad I went with the airport to a hotel. I must say the hotel was pretty definitely a four star I would say. I think it was a double bedroom, had a little balcony and the pool, and beach close by. I arrived in time for dinner, and then I just went on the internet catching up with a few people. On the ride up to the hotel I saw Michael. I smiled I knew he was following me, looking after me. I had a little emotional moment up in the hotel room as I was listening to stand by me and just looking at him. As always with my IPod I went to sleep with Michael sleeping with me.
Part I [THIS IS IT]
[NEXT UPDATE]
In the next update Keisha talks about waking up to the sound of the waves, breakfast with a young man. Her return to the airport, and almost misses her flight to St Vincent. Stay tuned ...
This month will be six months since June and as time has passed I am beginning to find out information which is perhaps leading to the truth. I am currently on a two and a half month break in a Caribbean island. I am here on a personal journey. After June my world crumbled and I am at that point now where I am trying to pick up the pieces and put them together again. I think in a way this has revealed to the people close to me a true insight into the person I am, and the people I love. I also believe that it was a reality check for me in that perhaps the way I was living before was not quite realistic, or perhaps the person, some of my traits, was not me. Either way the paths I have chosen to take. The people in my life and the world in general have led me to this point. Where at twenty one I’m starting a new chapter in my life which started with boarding an aeroplane alone and flying thousands upon thousands miles away from home.
I must say leading up to January eleventh I was quite petrified. To my family I told them I was scared because I was flying alone, and because I was going to be inside such a huge public domain. I don’t have a clue. And whilst that was true I revealed to a few close friends something deeper. Since June I seem to no longer be fearful of going. I mean I know it’s inevitable and one day we all will. But before June I thought my people were invincible to it. And then fast forward six months later and my minds in battle with me and I am thinking up the craziest of things.
But when the time came for take off, I looked out to the sky and prayed to Michael. I thought that I was going to get a whole row to myself, unfortunately not. I had a grandma and granddad sitting next to me, but they were quite alright. I was definitely catching a lot of snores on the plane because the night before I didn’t get any sleep. I was too busy on site getting all my tunes to go on the IPod.
It came to about six when my parents and I eventually left I sent a text message to a few people, I guess you could call it twitter by mobile. I almost left without my Michael Jackson eyewear. But thankfully my dad told me to look again underneath the sofa; low and behold it was there. So after an hour or so we got to the airport and my booty was freezing. I’m telling you never were I so glad to be flying out to catch some consistent sunshine.
So we ordered breakfast, and sat in the lobby area until it was about nine and my parents had to leave me. But don’t think I was not maddening my parents constantly going over my passport, tickets and in which order I had to present them at each destination. It then came time for departure. My insides were doing somersaults because this is it, as my boy Michael Jackson said. So I went on through departure, and I saw them until I went through the doors and that was it. From there on it was me, myself and I along with Michael.
So my first time flying and I thought what could possibly go wrong. Well the fire alarm went on like three times and I thought “Just my luck!” They had us walking outside into some shelter. After about ten minutes it resumed and we went back inside. After numerous phone calls, and then eventually asking an officer who works there I was heading towards gate nineteen.
I was now at the boarding section, waiting for my seat numbers to be called, it took about twenty minutes but there I was amongst the crowd walking towards the plane. I found my seat and just when I thought it was me one, two old people sat next to me. Another thirty minutes past and the moment finally arrived. All I kept repeating was this is it, and in ways universally he was speaking to generations but if we really take time out to sit and think there is also a personal meaning too. And whilst I am away from my comforts I will be figuring out the personal message to me. The wheels turned and the plane went taking its position. Before I knew it, we gathered enough speed and we lifted off the ground, within five to ten minutes we were already high up. I’m so glad I got a window seat to capture the action.
If anything though my heart is broken, my world crumbled, and every other emotion that could possibly describe what June has left me, one thing for certain is that it has definitely made me stop thinking about the future, and living in the present. Someone special came into my life and though from an outside perspective there have been judgements she has been wonderful for me, and to me and in so many ways I feel this is a blessing from Michael. Obviously I had prayers which I kept to myself and he saw things beyond me and here I am six months later in a beautiful relationship.
I love her, I really do with all my heart and I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with her, however long or short my time here on this earth is. We’ve endured so much ups and downs to the point where it was almost over on numerous occasions but that specialness which is perhaps embodied in both of us through a mutual love has helped out overcome a lot, and that is why today we stand united, stronger than ever and continuing to support one another in what we do as a team, and as individuals.
As I was saying through what happened in June and certain people coming into my life I am becoming more aware of the world I live in. And though I knew that there were higher beings invisible to the eye controlling the world I didn’t know to what extent. The Illimanti are these multi billionaires behind the scenes who pull the strings and control everything we read, see, hear and do. It’s quite scary that their apart of the devil and they are looking towards a new world order. Here is a brief outline of how they operate. They pick people who have exposure potential i.e. who the people will love, who the people will adore too. With some research I have found out that artists such as Jay Z, Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga are all working for them. And right now I must apologise to my nephew Tre’ who showed me Rihanna’s umbrella video and a scene by scene analysis and looking over it again I am shocked. And it does not stop there. Go watch and research their videos and you will see the shocking truth.
I know it doesn’t just stop there, it’s everywhere. They target anyone and I was watching online Barack Obama the Deception. I posted it to my Facebook. In one word to describe it was very interesting. To think out of how many U.S. presidents only a few how you would say stuck it to the man and because of that their lives were taken from them. We were made believe change was coming with Obama but after watching that documentary it seems we are just victims yet again to the same vicious cycle. I will stop there with this because I know this is not the kind of update you was looking for, but I am very intrigued and so I will be continuing to do further research. I will end this one with … I believe they, and they know who they are had a big, or entire part to play for what happened to Michael.
In the next update Keisha talks about waking up to the sound of the waves, breakfast with a young man. Her return to the airport, and almost misses her flight to St Vincent. Stay tuned ...
This month will be six months since June and as time has passed I am beginning to find out information which is perhaps leading to the truth. I am currently on a two and a half month break in a Caribbean island. I am here on a personal journey. After June my world crumbled and I am at that point now where I am trying to pick up the pieces and put them together again. I think in a way this has revealed to the people close to me a true insight into the person I am, and the people I love. I also believe that it was a reality check for me in that perhaps the way I was living before was not quite realistic, or perhaps the person, some of my traits, was not me. Either way the paths I have chosen to take. The people in my life and the world in general have led me to this point. Where at twenty one I’m starting a new chapter in my life which started with boarding an aeroplane alone and flying thousands upon thousands miles away from home.
I must say leading up to January eleventh I was quite petrified. To my family I told them I was scared because I was flying alone, and because I was going to be inside such a huge public domain. I don’t have a clue. And whilst that was true I revealed to a few close friends something deeper. Since June I seem to no longer be fearful of going. I mean I know it’s inevitable and one day we all will. But before June I thought my people were invincible to it. And then fast forward six months later and my minds in battle with me and I am thinking up the craziest of things.
But when the time came for take off, I looked out to the sky and prayed to Michael. I thought that I was going to get a whole row to myself, unfortunately not. I had a grandma and granddad sitting next to me, but they were quite alright. I was definitely catching a lot of snores on the plane because the night before I didn’t get any sleep. I was too busy on site getting all my tunes to go on the IPod.
It came to about six when my parents and I eventually left I sent a text message to a few people, I guess you could call it twitter by mobile. I almost left without my Michael Jackson eyewear. But thankfully my dad told me to look again underneath the sofa; low and behold it was there. So after an hour or so we got to the airport and my booty was freezing. I’m telling you never were I so glad to be flying out to catch some consistent sunshine.
So we ordered breakfast, and sat in the lobby area until it was about nine and my parents had to leave me. But don’t think I was not maddening my parents constantly going over my passport, tickets and in which order I had to present them at each destination. It then came time for departure. My insides were doing somersaults because this is it, as my boy Michael Jackson said. So I went on through departure, and I saw them until I went through the doors and that was it. From there on it was me, myself and I along with Michael.
So my first time flying and I thought what could possibly go wrong. Well the fire alarm went on like three times and I thought “Just my luck!” They had us walking outside into some shelter. After about ten minutes it resumed and we went back inside. After numerous phone calls, and then eventually asking an officer who works there I was heading towards gate nineteen.
I was now at the boarding section, waiting for my seat numbers to be called, it took about twenty minutes but there I was amongst the crowd walking towards the plane. I found my seat and just when I thought it was me one, two old people sat next to me. Another thirty minutes past and the moment finally arrived. All I kept repeating was this is it, and in ways universally he was speaking to generations but if we really take time out to sit and think there is also a personal meaning too. And whilst I am away from my comforts I will be figuring out the personal message to me. The wheels turned and the plane went taking its position. Before I knew it, we gathered enough speed and we lifted off the ground, within five to ten minutes we were already high up. I’m so glad I got a window seat to capture the action.
If anything though my heart is broken, my world crumbled, and every other emotion that could possibly describe what June has left me, one thing for certain is that it has definitely made me stop thinking about the future, and living in the present. Someone special came into my life and though from an outside perspective there have been judgements she has been wonderful for me, and to me and in so many ways I feel this is a blessing from Michael. Obviously I had prayers which I kept to myself and he saw things beyond me and here I am six months later in a beautiful relationship.
I love her, I really do with all my heart and I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with her, however long or short my time here on this earth is. We’ve endured so much ups and downs to the point where it was almost over on numerous occasions but that specialness which is perhaps embodied in both of us through a mutual love has helped out overcome a lot, and that is why today we stand united, stronger than ever and continuing to support one another in what we do as a team, and as individuals.
As I was saying through what happened in June and certain people coming into my life I am becoming more aware of the world I live in. And though I knew that there were higher beings invisible to the eye controlling the world I didn’t know to what extent. The Illimanti are these multi billionaires behind the scenes who pull the strings and control everything we read, see, hear and do. It’s quite scary that their apart of the devil and they are looking towards a new world order. Here is a brief outline of how they operate. They pick people who have exposure potential i.e. who the people will love, who the people will adore too. With some research I have found out that artists such as Jay Z, Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyonce and Lady Gaga are all working for them. And right now I must apologise to my nephew Tre’ who showed me Rihanna’s umbrella video and a scene by scene analysis and looking over it again I am shocked. And it does not stop there. Go watch and research their videos and you will see the shocking truth.
I know it doesn’t just stop there, it’s everywhere. They target anyone and I was watching online Barack Obama the Deception. I posted it to my Facebook. In one word to describe it was very interesting. To think out of how many U.S. presidents only a few how you would say stuck it to the man and because of that their lives were taken from them. We were made believe change was coming with Obama but after watching that documentary it seems we are just victims yet again to the same vicious cycle. I will stop there with this because I know this is not the kind of update you was looking for, but I am very intrigued and so I will be continuing to do further research. I will end this one with … I believe they, and they know who they are had a big, or entire part to play for what happened to Michael.
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